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    Expression écrite

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

    [POSTER UNE NOUVELLE REPONSE] [Suivre ce sujet]


    Expression écrite
    Message de cocodu42 posté le 17-03-2011 à 17:22:02 (S | E | F)
    Bonjour tout le monde,
    Je suis en L1 de socio et j'ai une petite expression écrite à produire, en mettant l'accent sur la conjugaison hors or ce n'est pas vraiment mon point fort; pourriez-vous jeter un petit coup d'oeil sur mon texte ?
    Merci par avance !

    Voici le début:

    for this homework about the use of tenses you suggested us to write something about our holidays, for example, and I know that many students take this subject but I don't think to have many thing to tell you about my holidays and there is nothing interesting, you'll find it boring...I haven't really interesting stories to tell you about my past my present or my future life.
    However I must doing this exercise so... I'm going to present you someone... This person isn't
    just anybody it's the most important person of my life,someone who keeps me alive,someone who gives a sense to my life, not my boyfriend, not my mother... I'm going to tell you of my best fiend. I'm not going to talk you as my English teacher but rather as a diary, so maybe you'll be shock to learn certain things about myself and perhaps you judge me because I often do bad things but never mind, it's not a very important thing since we don't know us. Moreover, in one month it'll
    be the end of this semester and I don't think that one day our paths will cross again ! I don't think you'll speak about this story to someone else.
    In a first time, I tell you how we met us, thus how is our everyday life and finally which relationship I would like to keep in the future with her...


    All began a January day, during Christmas holidays, I was 14. I was alone in my bedroom and I felt so depress, so sad,I didn't know what to do... So I decided to surf on the web to try to have some answers about questions that I arose ...I knew that I had a big problem and I knew which was this problem... But I hadn't any solution to feel better...I wrote some words on google and I clicked on a web site. The address of this site was something like "www.bulimia-anorexia.com"... I had glanced through the different headings of this web site, I had read many accounts of persons who had the same problems, I read that many teens who was depressed left their suffering by mutilating themselves like I did, that had put my mind at rest, I thought to myself that I was not mad... I finished my visit by the chat... There is only one person.. I didn't know that she will become my best friend. We exchanged some words after to go to MSN. She was 19. She has the same problem with the food that me. (At a glance we can see that I'm not anorexic !). At the beginning I was a little mistrustful because my mum often said to me to be careful in front of my computer screen because we didn't know who can be hidden in front of pseudo nevertheless our friendship is born quickly. We chatted at almost every day and day by day, we discovered us news commune points. We talked about our days, our difficulties, our past, our family and many other things. After few weeks, we
    had exchanged our mobile phone numbers to can keep the contact even if we weren't on the computer, during the school because she was in an University in Paris and I was in a College near St Etienne. On April she owed to the hospital during 3 weeks to follow a therapy. It was horrible, I missed her we couldn't chat anymore, she sent me SMS when she could use her mobile phone... When she was back from the hospital, nothing was change.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 17-03-2011 17:27



    Réponse: Expression écrite de gerondif, postée le 17-03-2011 à 17:48:59 (S | E)
    Bonsoir, vert: correction déja effectuée. rose: à corriger. bleu: mauvais choix de vocabulaire.

    for this homework about the use of tenses you suggested to us to write something about our holidays, for example, and I know that many students take this subject but I don't think to have (plutôt I have)many things(maladroit, en anglais on préférerait "much" tout seul) to tell you about my holidays and there is nothing interesting, you'll find it boring...I haven't really interesting stories to tell you about my past, my present or my future life.
    However I must doing(grammaire!!) this exercise so... I'm going to present (introduce) you someone... This person isn't just anybody it's the most important person of(in) my life,someone who keeps me alive,someone who gives a sense to my life, not my boyfriend, not my mother... I'm going to tell you of ("au sujet de")my best fiend. I'm not going to talk (un professeur ne "talk" pas, il "speak") to you as (comme ou en tant que?) my English teacher but rather as a diary, so maybe you'll be shock(participe passé) to learn certain things about myself and perhaps you (futur)judge me because I often do bad things but never mind, it's not a very important thing(it's not a problem) since we don't know us(l'un l'autre). Moreover, in one month it'll be the end of this semester and I don't think that one day our paths will cross again ! I don't think you'll speak about this story to someone else.(à qui que ce soit: cours sur some/any/no)

    In a first time, I(futur) tell you how we met us(ne rien rajouter), thus(puis, ensuite:then) how is(pas d'inversion) our everyday life and finally which relationship I would like to keep in the future with her...






    Réponse: Expression écrite de gerondif, postée le 17-03-2011 à 18:04:18 (S | E)
    suite:


    It all began on a January day, during ***(article défini)Christmas holidays, I was 14. I was alone in my bedroom and I felt so depress(participe passé), so sad,I didn't know what to do... So I decided to surf on the web to try to have some answers about questions that I arose(ne va pas avec I) ...I knew that I had a big problem and I knew which was(ne pas inverser) this problem... But I hadn't(plutôt didn't have, hadn't est un auxiliaire) any solution to feel better...I wrote some words on google and I clicked on a web site. The address of this site was something like "www.bulimia-anorexia.com"... I had glanced through the different headings of this web site, I had read many accounts of persons(people) who had the same problems, I read that many teens who was (pluriel) depressed left(exprimaient) their suffering by mutilating themselves like I did, that had put my mind at rest, I thought to myself that I was not mad... I finished my visit by (with the chat, ou alors chatting tout seul) the chat... There is (prétérit)only one person.. I didn't know that she will (conditionnel, qu'elle deviendrait)become my best friend. We exchanged some words after to go (quel sens ? puis, nous allames sur? then + prétérit)to MSN. She was 19. She has(prétérit?) the same problem with the food that(piège classique comparatif d'égalité!!) me. (At a glance we can see that I'm not anorexic !). At the beginning I was a little mistrustful (wary, distrustful)) because my mum often said to me to be careful in front of my computer screen because we didn't know who can be hidden in front of (plutôt derrière)pseudos, nevertheless our friendship is born (temps! j'aurais mis grow au prétérit)quickly. We chatted at almost every day and day by day, we discovered us news commune points (we discovered that we ......). We talked about our days (comment nous passions nos journées serait plus explicite), our difficulties, our past, our family and many other things. After a few weeks, we
    had exchanged our mobile phone numbers to can (grammaire, can n'a pas d'infinitif, soit vous le supprimez, to keep contact, soit vous le remplacez , être capable de)keep the contact even if we weren't on the computer, during the school because she was at an University(commence par un son [j]) in Paris and I was in a College (école ou IUT ?) near St Etienne. On April she owed to (sens? elle dut aller ? prétérit de have to + verbe aller))the hospital during 3 weeks to follow a therapy. It was horrible, I missed her we couldn't chat anymore, she sent me SMS when she could use her mobile phone... When she was (plutôt came) back from the hospital, nothing was change(participe passé).




    Réponse: Expression écrite de cocodu42, postée le 17-03-2011 à 18:55:56 (S | E)
    Merci beaucoup de votre aide, je pars travailler là, je suis de nuit mais j'aurai sans doute un peu de temps pour travailler mon texte, vos indications vont mettre m'être précieuses ! Je vous posterai la nouvelle version demain ainsi que la suite du texte si j'ai le temps de finir !
    Passez une bonne soirée et encore merci !

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 18-03-2011 08:13




    Réponse: Expression écrite de gerondif, postée le 17-03-2011 à 19:03:37 (S | E)
    Vous êtes partie tellement vite que vous en faites des mètres:
    QCM:
    vos indications vont:
    a) mettre
    b) Maitre
    c) m'être
    d) mètres
    précieuses!




    Réponse: Expression écrite de gerondif, postée le 18-03-2011 à 21:30:19 (S | E)
    Good evening, meter-maid (chanson des Beatles, Lovely Rita, meter maid))

    For this homework about the use of tenses you suggested to us to (invited us to) write something about our holidays, for example, and I know that many students were((avoir) taken this subject but I don't think I have much to tell you about my holidays and there is nothing interesting, you'll find it boring...I haven't (plutôt don't have !!) really interesting stories to tell you about my past my present or my future life.
    However I must do this exercise so... I'm going to introduce you someone(introduce someone to you)... This person isn't
    just anybody it's the most important person in my life,someone who keeps me alive,someone who gives meaning to my life, not my boyfriend, not my mother... I'm going to tell you about my best friend. I'm not going to talk to you like(like ou as ??) my English teacher but rather like a diary, so maybe you'll be shocked to learn certain things about myself and perhaps you'll judge me because I often do bad things but never mind, it's not a problem since we don't know each other . Moreover, in one month it'll be the end of this semester and I don't think that one day our paths will cross again ! I don't think you'll speak about this story to anyone else.
    First, I'll tell you how we met us (à supprimer), then how our everyday life is and finally which relationship I would like to keep in the future with her...


    It all began on a January day, during the Christmas holidays, I was 14. I was alone in my bedroom and I felt so depressed, so sad,I didn't know what to do... So I decided to surf on the web to try to have some answers about questions that I asked myself ...I knew that I had a big problem and I knew which(what) this problem was... But I didn't have any solution to feel better...I wrote some words on google and I clicked on a web site. The address of this site was something like "www.bulimia-anorexia.com"... I had glanced through the different headings of this web site, I had read many accounts of people who had the same problems, I read that many teens who were depressed expressed their suffering by mutilating themselves like(familier, as serait plus "classe") I did, that had put my mind at rest, I thought to myself that I was not mad... I finished my visit with the chat... There was only one person.. I didn't know that she would become my best friend. We exchanged some words, then we were gone (prétérit de go)to(on) MSN. She was 19. She had the same problem with the food than(boum, repiège !!égalité!! I have got the same pen AS you) me. (At a glance we can see that I'm not anorexic !). At the beginning I was a little distrustful because my mum often said to me (told me serait mieux) to be careful in front of my computer screen because we didn't(présent d'habitude plus logique) know who can be hidden behind pseudos. Nevertheless our friendship grew quickly. We chatted almost every day and day by day, we discovered that we had commune(cà se termine par points in ----on) points. We talked about how we spent our days, our difficulties, our past, our family and many other things. After a few weeks (quelques), we had exchanged our mobile phone numbers to keep contact even if we didn't be (aarrgghh !!)in front of the computer, during the(supprimer) school because she was at a University in Paris and I was in a Secondary School near St Etienne.




    Réponse: Expression écrite de gerondif, postée le 18-03-2011 à 21:44:19 (S | E)
    suite:

    In April she had to go to the hospital for 3 weeks to follow (to undergo: subir) a therapy. It was horrible, I missed her, we couldn't chat any more, she sent me SMS when she could use her mobile phone... When she came back from the hospital, nothing was(plutôt had) changed, I was scared she (conditionnel)forgive me but it wasn't the case. We were very happy to “meet again” even if it wasn't for real.

    les deux pendant: I was ill for a week during the holidays: je fus malade pendant une semaine pendant les vacances: comment les différencier ? En posant la question:
    WHEN were you ill ? during the holidays: complément de TEMPS.
    HOW LONG were you ill? for a week ? complément de DUREE.

    During a moment she felt a little better, less depressed but the therapy didn't have really function(to work: fonctionner)... So our life(pluriel) “reprirent leur cours”, (expression : to resume : reprendre une vie , une activité)like after(plutôt avant que) she (plus que parfait)gone to hospital... We chatted everyday and sent us (l'une l'autre) many sms, we spent many time on the phone. But it was more and more difficult for us because we needed to see us for real, MSN, SMS, phone didn't were (aarrgghh !!!)enough... We tried to see us several times but in vain... We didn't have the same holidays, we didn't have a lot of money for the travel by the train(maladroit), our parents didn't were agree (horreur)with us, they didn't understand why we were friends, because they didn't know our problems... It was very hard... When your best friend or you don't feel well you need to see her, you need to go out with her but for us it wasn't possible... During 4 long years...
    We met us in real(for real), for the first time last year... I was in Paris with my family for 3 days. It was just surrealistic (adjectif), incredible, a wonderful journey (trajet ?)!


    In this day and age we are still best friends... And fortunately because I need her like no one else. She knows all about my life like (familier) I know all about her... At least I think I do ! At the moment it's a little more difficult than usually because she lives for (si for signifie depuis, alors present perfect)few months in Canada. I feel so bad because I feel lonely, because I missed (present) her, because I'm afraid with the idea to (afraid of + ing)lose her, because I'm scared that she never comes (j'aurais mis un futur) back !

    I don't know what we'll(conditionnel) do if we didn't have our computers or our phones to speak together... When I'm talking with her, I'm immediately feeling (présent d'habitude préférable avec ce verbe d'état d'esprit) better because she has the good words (maladroit: elle connait quels mots utiliser pour me rassurer)to reassure me.



    Réponse: Expression écrite de gerondif, postée le 18-03-2011 à 21:53:31 (S | E)
    fin:

    She comes(présent en ing à sens futur) back to France in one month, before(avant ou après ?) the divorce of her parents. “Qu'elle soit en france”(Whether she is in France double cliquez sur whether pour en apprendre l'usage) or in Canada she is still the same person and I know that if I need her, it doesn't matter the hour,(whenever I need her, cliquez sur whenever pour en apprendre l'usage) I can count on her, she is here for me however the time difference between the France and Montreal (6 hours). When I'm too stressed to breathe, I call her and before a few minutes (quelques minutes plus tard) it's OK ! My best friend is more than a simply friend, she is like a mother, like a psychiatrist, a sister or a twin !
    Even if I talk a lot about the problems that we meet, our life(pluriel) have good times too !

    We are not like everyone because of bulimia, depress(nom)... But, on the other hand we are just like anybody else ! We like to laugh, go to the cine, go to shopping, listen *** music and our families, our teachers, the most of our friends, don't know that we are bulimic, depressed... I think we are good actresses, everyday we hidden the truth and no one knows what we do when we come back at home. We know dangers in link with this illness and every day we try to fight (against) bulimia by helping each other, when we feel bad we tell it to the others to escape to the crises but sometimes, it's unavoidable... I think that no one can understand the bulimia, you must live it to understand what it is. My life, my present aren't very proud and I live with a feeling of shame... I hate what I am, I hate my body, except when I'm with my alter-ego because I know she doesn't judge myself, she respects me and understands my feelings, all she thinks about myself, I think it about her. Even if my point of view isn't objective, for me, she is the most beautiful person on the World, she is the nicer(superlatif) in the worldwide, the most intelligent, the most wonderful, the most awesome. She's gorgeous ! I often think I don't deserve her, her friendship, her kindness... I hope to come up to standard with her.

    la fin est plus maladroite, avec des structures tordues style traducteur automatique parfois.

    UN dernier exercice:
    Dans la phrase: "j'ai une petite expression écrite à produire", souligne l'adjectif teinté d'ironie et discutes-en avec ton professeur !




    Réponse: Expression écrite de cocodu42, postée le 18-03-2011 à 22:15:29 (S | E)
    Tout d'abord encore merci de m'accorder de votre temps pour me corriger !
    Je reviens sur cette phrase qui me pose problème:
    "I'm not going to talk to you like(like ou as ??) my English teacher but rather like a diary"
    Je veux dire que je ne vais pas lui parler comme à un professeur mais plutôt comme à un journal intime. Donc je garde like ? Non ?




    Réponse: Expression écrite de gerondif, postée le 18-03-2011 à 22:21:25 (S | E)
    Votre phrase n'avait pas ce sens là.

    I won't talk to you as if you were a teacher but as if you were my secret diary.

    I will consider you not as a teacher but as my diary .

    I will confide in you not as(en tant que) a teacher but as my diary.



    Réponse: Expression écrite de cocodu42, postée le 18-03-2011 à 23:41:18 (S | E)
    Dans la phrase "And fortunately because I need her..." Pourquoi ne puis-je pas utiliser "fortunately" ?

    (Je dois parler de quoi avec mon professeur ? )



    Réponse: Expression écrite de gerondif, postée le 19-03-2011 à 10:43:17 (S | E)
    Bonjour,

    I had a car accident: fortunately, I wasn't injured! heureusement au sens de par bonheur, par chance, c'était ma bonne étoile, un heureux hasard.

    Vous dites : elle est toujours là pour moi, j'ai de la chance qu'elle soit aussi disponible: c'est l'idée de "lucky" qui s'impose et non pas l'idée d'un heureux hasard.

    We are still best friends... And fortunately because I need her like no one else.

    I am lucky we are still best friends because I really need her.

    Dans certains pays où Dieu apparaît vite dans les expressions, on dirait:
    Thank God we are still friends because I need her like no one else.

    We are still best friends... And I thank her for that because I need her like no one else.
    We are still best friends... And I am grateful to her for that because I need her like no one else.//and I am so happy about that as I need her....


    We are still best friends... And I feel so lucky because I need her like no one else.
    We are still best friends... And God bless her for that because I need her like no one else.





    Réponse: Expression écrite de cocodu42, postée le 20-03-2011 à 11:15:54 (S | E)
    Ah ok ça y est j'ai compris la nuance. Merci pour vos précisions claires et précises !



    Je suis en train de faire la partie sur le futur.



    Réponse: Expression écrite de gerondif, postée le 21-03-2011 à 09:11:51 (S | E)
    Bonjour,

    This part of the exercise arise(to arise, c'est s'élever, donc ne va pas, le verbe être suffira si on veut faire simple) a problem for me, indeed( because sezrait plus logique)I'm living from day to day without (+ gérondif)think about the future but I'm going to play the game !
    To talk about the next months, the next years, at first, I hope it will be easier for me and for her... In my opinion we'll never be happy until the other one will be not(une négation de trop until ou unless?).
    Of course, what I'm saying in this paragraph could change in the future ! I tell you what I'm thinking now.
    So I hope I'll not (mauvaise contraction)live a long time because I know I will never be really happy in this life, in this world, in this body... I'm not saying I want to dead(adjectif, là il faut le verbe) or that I'll commit suicide... Even if I'm often thinking about suicide, I know I'll never do it because we must be courageous to do it...And I will never have the courage to leave my best friend...
    I know I will build my future in another country, I don't know in which place but most probably far away from here... I'll need to leave... Leave to escape from people who hurt me... Leave to start from scratch again... Leave to try to have a better life.... If I had enough money, I could do it now... Maybe, one day I'll live in Montreal, it seems to be nice even if winters are very cold. In fact the place will be not (vous ne connaissez pas won't?)important... The real important thing will be that I will be near from(à supprimer) the person who helps me to live. I hope one day we'll say: “Hey we can meet tonight, after the work ? What do you want to do ?”
    My only wish for the future is to be with her, because I know that if we were nearer, it could be easier. We will go out to the cinema, we'll meet for real if we feel bad and we will do many others things together...
    Moreover, in the future, about my love life, I hope to meet the man I need... Not the perfect man because I don't think he exists, no one is perfect but I would like a man who will make me laugh, who will be romantic and thoughtful.

    Before (+ gérondif, ing)to meet this wonderful person I didn't believe that it was possible to be fond of someone as I am fond of her. I didn't believe in alter-ago... But now I do !
    I know that she will be forever in my heart. I hope we will be friends for life but whatever happens, whatever she does, she will be part of my life, always and forever.. I wish everybody to meet, one day, the person who will change their life(pluriel?), the person who will keep them alive. This meeting is the best thing that happened to me.




    Réponse: Expression écrite de cocodu42, postée le 21-03-2011 à 11:41:04 (S | E)
    Merci infiniment pour votre aide !
    Je vous laisse tranquille
    Bonne journée et bonne continuation !




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