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Texte d'anglais (assez long) (1)

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Texte d'anglais (assez long)
Message de misseilaen posté le 16-04-2008 à 18:38:59 (S | E | F)

Bonjour, j'aimerais avoir de l'aide pour corriger un texte d'anglais, parce que je suis vraiment pas douée parfois, je sais que c'est long, mais si un anglophone pouvait m'aider ça serait vraiment sympa.

Her name was Alexia; she was sixteen, almost seventeen. Like most teenagers of her own age, she felt a love with a boy. She didn't know how to ask him to go out with, but her best friend knew that, so she made a plan, to put them together at her next party. That worked, at the end of the evening, she was with the boy she liked, and he asked her to go out with.
But a day, when she was meeting him at lunch at school, he was different. His face, his voice all was queer, he was just different. So, even before he told her, she already knew he was breaking up. Her eyes were starting to get wet, she couldn't even move for a while.
She was very sad. After school, she directly went home; she didn't speak to anybody, didn't reply to anyone, she just left, like that, and went home.
Her parents weren't here yet, she went straight in her bedroom, threw her schoolbag on the floor, and felt on cry on the bed.
The evening, she told her parents she had already eaten and that she was tired. That was not true; she just wanted to be left alone. And, by the way, she couldn't eat and couldn't sleep, the only think she seemed able to do was crying.
In the middle of the night, she decided she couldn't handle that anymore. She left the house.
She started walking, to go where, she didn't know.
She was very sad, that boy, he really was the boy of her life, and, without him, life was pointless, she just have to die, so she won't feel like that anymore.
So, she went to the ocean, it was end of autumn, it was very cold, she took a small boat, and went where the ocean was deeper.
She was going to drown, she started to go under water, then, below the boat, no one could see her, no one could save her…
At the moment she was supposed being dead, asphyxiated, she started to breathe under water… The first through that was one of those queer dreams that can happen at that moment, she was going to die, very soon…
Then, something even weirder happened, she could not feel her legs, and when she look at its, she saw she could not only see under water, but she had became a mermaid…
But, mermaids don't exist, she knew it, it was only in stories for young kids. She waited a long time like that, but it still not became all black, the black of the death, she was really a mermaid.
The fact she was a mermaid did not solve her heart problem, she was as sad as before, and she felt even lonelier than before. She was alone, in the middle of the ocean.
Alone? Yes, there was not even a single fish, which was pretty queer; usually, sub aquatic life is very lively. Maybe that was like that, being dead, she hoped not.

(suite après)

Réponse: Texte d'anglais (assez long) de misseilaen, postée le 16-04-2008 à 18:39:34 (S | E)
(voici la suite)

While she was thinking about what to do now, she saw two other mermaids.
They came and explained her that life here was coming again, each time a new mermaid was formed, all go away for a while.
Mermaids weren't born like that, all of hers were like her : there were girls that felft a love with a boy and that boy didn't want hers anymore. All of hers were so disappointed that they tried to kill themselves in the ocean.
The life there, was mainly exploration, it wasn't so much to do.
She has been impressed about the whole city under the sea, but that had been built in mant centuries. Mermaids never died...
Mermaids never fall in love; the reason for that was simple, there was no boy in the ocean.
No one of hers remembered her feeling for the boy that push her to drown.
Many years passed from this timen Alix was thinking she would have forget everything at that time, but in fact no.
Mermaids were nice, but had no feeling, they didn't even know about friendship.
Alix's heart was so good that she could'nt forget that, she was thinking that it was now so long that her parents were maybe died desesperate, that made her become sad.
She couldn't live like that anymore, she still liked that boy and she missed her friends and family.
How come she could have done such a stupid thing ?
Now, that was too late.
She couldn't stand staying with all that mermaids that were never doing anything, ok they were sometimsn but that was boring.
Other didn't mind, of course, they couldn't feel it.
She was fed up with this life. The worst thing in all that was she couldn't die, mermaids were immortals, that was even more depressive. She hoped the could go to human life again, but that was impossible, she had became a mermaid when she decided to die.
Hoping any miracle, she decided to go to the surface of the ocean.
That was at middle of nowgere, she couldn't see any land.
But, here was a rock, she climbed on it, and started to cry. She cried for hours, she couldn't even stop crying...
While she was crying, a queer thing happened, she didn't realized it, but she was not a mermaid anymore.
First, the saw the land, she was not far from it, how come she didn't saw it before ? But she was still thinking she could not go there even if she wanted, but she really wanted to go back to this world, because, even if she can be disappointed sometimes, there are still fellings, and she can't live without it.
That's when she decide to rose that she realised she was a girl again, not a mermaid.
She went back to the ocean and swimmed till the beach.
The water now felt cold, but she was feeling it, and that was good.
Even if years passed since she left home, the city was still very familiar to her.
She went to her house, it was the middle of the night, suddently she had a weird idea, and what if it was the same night she left ? It seemed impossible, but all seemed the same, she looked at her in the mirror, she was still a sixteen years old girl, not an old lady. It's not more impossible that having became a mermaid, and it could have no time in their world.
She went straight to her room, that was true, nothing changed, she checked the date on her computer, it was the exact same day...
She went to sleep and woke her the next morning, like if nothing had happened.
But she had learnt to be stronger, even if she liked him, it was not a reason to act like she did.
Few monthes after this story, that boy came to see her, he was sorry, because he realized that her, she was his first love, was his true one. And he didn't want to live with anyone else, neither she wanted.
So they went out together, and were still together years after and decided to get married, and then, they had children.


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