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Let's suggest/ 20

Cours gratuits > Forum > Exercices du forum || En bas

[POSTER UNE NOUVELLE REPONSE] [Suivre ce sujet]


Let's suggest/ 20
Message de here4u posté le 10-08-2022 à 14:44:34 (S | E | F)
Hello, dear Workers!

Voici un nouvel exercice d'expression de "vacances" ... Espérons que vous serez nombreux à vous y essayer ...

Je vous en prie ... Osez participer ! N'ayez pas peur de vous tromper, de faire des fautes, ou d'écrire "hors sujet". Les fautes nous sont utiles, puisqu'elles permettent de réfléchir, de faire des corrections et de donner des explications ...
Paradoxalement, faire une faute est la meilleure chose qui puisse NOUS arriver, à vous, comme à moi ! Merci à ceux qui en font !
N'ayez pas de scrupules, vous ne serez pas jugés, mais simplement guidés et aidés ...
C'est en pratiquant, encore et souvent, que les progrès viendront ! N'hésitez donc pas à intervenir, pour la correction des expressions de vos co-workers, comme pour l'écriture de votre propre expression si vous le désirez ...

Voici le rappel des modalités de la première partie de l'exercice :
1. Je vous demande une EXPRESSION sur le sujet proposé (un sujet unique par exercice) à m’envoyer en mp dès que possible … (=> 130 - 150 mots au maximum.)

2. Le plus tôt possible, une première expression est publiée sur le Forum, et CHACUN est libre de « corriger » UNE FOIS ( en collant le texte et indiquant les erreurs EN BLEU, et en soulignant ce qui vous semble maladroit et que vous voudriez changer, sans donner la « correction » (forme correcte), comme il se doit.) Un seul devoir à la fois sera publié pour corriger …

Les modalités complètes sont accessibles sur le lien suivant :
Lien internet


( Je vous les rappellerai au fur et à mesure de la progression du travail )
Cet exercice sera ... ce que vous en ferez, ou Correction en ligne le jeudi 25 août 2022.

Voici le nouveau sujet !

"If I ruled the world... " What would your first decision be? Please, use comedy and absurdity! I need a good laugh! 130 to 150 words.

May THE FORCE be with You (with all of you! ) Everybody's welcome! Do not hesitate to write!


Réponse : Let's suggest/ 20 de here4u, postée le 12-08-2022 à 17:35:46 (S | E)
Hello!

Yes, it's very difficult! One of you has tried... PLEASE, please... help that courageous student,[thanks for stepping in!]
[Blue until 14th of August 5pm, green from 14th to the 16th! GO!!! ]

EXPRESSION N°1: Please, indicate possible mistakes in blue, and underline what you think is clumsy.

Now I’m ruling the world … I reached my goal ! Now I’m Master of the world : I decide that all work is abolished. All the ressources are shared and good will is the important principle : you do what you can. If your strong, you cultivate the land, if you’re not, you give what you can in function of your abilities. Everybody must give up your belonging to the State, which will use it as is necessary for the well-being of the society. The only duties are to serve all the others and to make them laughing (at last one hour everyday). Every Minister must have humour and be amusing. The more amusing people are the more important in the country. The positivism is compulsory. You cannot be sad or depressed : if you are, you are sent to a foreign country to enfeeble them. You are a sort of spies to destuct the sad ennemies. 157 words

Thanks for your help!



Réponse : Let's suggest/ 20 de vaiana, postée le 12-08-2022 à 18:13:09 (S | E)
Hello Thanks to this student for enabling us to practise

EXPRESSION N°1: FIRST STAGE

Now I’m ruling the world … I reached my goal ! Now I’m Ø Master of the world : I decide that all work is abolished. All the ressources are shared and good will is the Ø important principle : you do what you can. If your strong, you cultivate the land, if you’re not, you give what you can in function of your abilities. Everybody must give up your belonging to the State, which will use it as is necessary for the well-being of the society. The only duties are to serve all the others and to make them laughing (at last one hour everyday). Every Minister must have humour and be amusing. The more amusing people are the more important in the country. The positivism is compulsory. You cannot be sad or depressed : if you are, you are sent to a foreign country to enfeeble them. You are a sort of spies to destuct the sad ennemies.

I disagree with most tenses the writter has used throughout his essay but I haven't underlined them so that my correction doesn't become a mess

------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 12-08-2022 22:20
gris




Réponse : Let's suggest/ 20 de maxwell, postée le 13-08-2022 à 09:58:53 (S | E)
Hello!

EXPRESSION N°1: Please, indicate possible mistakes in blue, and underline what you think is clumsy.

Now I’m ruling the world … I reached my goal ! Now I’m XXX Master of the world : I decide that all work is abolished. All the ressources are shared and good will is the important principle : you do what you can. If your strong, you cultivate the land, if you’re not, you give what you can in function of your abilities. Everybody must give up your belonging to the State(1) , which will use it as is necessary for the well-being of the society. The only duties are to serve all the others and to make them laughing (at last one hour everyday). Every Minister must have humour and be amusing. The more amusing people are(ponctuation) the more important in the country. The positivism is compulsory. You cannot be sad or depressed : if you are, you are sent to a foreign country to enfeeble them. You are a sort of spies XXX to destuct the sad ennemies.(2) 157 words

(1) je viens de comprendre !
(2) Je ne suis pas certain d'avoir compris la dernière phrase : "You" fait-il référence à tous ceux qui sont tristes et déprimés et envoyés dans les pays étrangers (dans ce cas, la ponctuation est à revoir) ? ou bien à tous les autres ? (je n'ai pas compris si les ennemis sont dans notre pays ou dans les autres, d'autant qu'on parle de les détruire (ce qui est particulièrement violent), alors qu'auparavant, on parlait simplement de les envoyer dans un pays étranger.)

(pas d'espace avant la ponctuation)




Réponse : Let's suggest/ 20 de maxwell, postée le 15-08-2022 à 09:09:05 (S | E)
Hello!

EXPRESSION N°1: suggestions:

Now I’m ruling the world... I've reached (1) my goal! Now I’m the(2) Master of the world: I've decided that all work is abolished. All the(3) resources will be shared.

Goodwill is the important principle: you do what you can. If you're strong, you cultivate the land, if you’re not, you give what you can to the best of your ability.
Everybody must hand over their property to the state,(4) which will use it as is necessary for the well-being of the society. The only duties are to serve everyone else(5) and to make them laugh (at least one hour a day). Every minister (6) must have humour and be funny (7). The funnier people are, the more important in the country. Positivism (8) is compulsory. You cannot be sad or depressed: if you are, you are sent to a foreign country to enfeeble them. You are a kind of spies(9) whose mission is to get rid of(10) sad enemies. 157 words

(1) Bilan d'action => très clairement ici, le preterit ne convient pas et le present perfect s'impose (la phrase commence par "Now" !)
(2) Le maître du monde est unique => mérite bien "the"
(3) j'ai hésité à enlever "the" mais finalement je l'ai laissé. J'aimerais bien l'avis d'Here4U
(4) en lisant "belonging" (sans s), j'avais fait un faux sens : je pensais que l'auteur voulait que l'on renonce à son appartenance à l'Etat (la nation, la patrie). En fait, il veut que tous les biens soient cédés à l'Etat ! (belongings)
(5) other people, ou alors : everyone/everybody else
(6) the Prime Minister : porte des majuscules ; il me semble que les autres, non.
(7) amusing = divertissant ; funny = drôle Lien internet

(8) pas d'article devant des noms abstraits, quand on exprime une généralité (en revanche, lorsqu'il ne s'agit pas d'une généralité mais de quelque chose de précis, déterminé, on peut mettre the : the positivism that you bring to us...)
(9) je comprends "you" comme un "vous" collectif (vous tous), d'où spies, au pluriel. Il me semble que même au pluriel, on peut dire : a kind of spies
(10) déjà, il manquait un "r" à destruct, mais c'est surtout . Préférer destroy. J'ai essayé de rendre la fin plus logique et plus claire par rapport à la phrase précédente.



Réponse : Let's suggest/ 20 de vaiana, postée le 15-08-2022 à 13:36:34 (S | E)
Hello Here is my input.

EXPRESSION N°1: LATTER STAGE

Now I’m ruling the world … I have reached my goal ! Now I’m the Master of the world : I have decided that all work is going to be abolished. All resources are going to be shared and goodwill is going to be the most important principle : you are going to do what you can. If you're strong, you're going to cultivate the land, if you’re not, you're going to handle it as best you can, out of your abilities. Everybody is going to have to give away their belongings to the state, which will use them as is necessary for the well-being of the society. The only duties are going to be to serve all the others and (to) make them laugh, at least one hour every day/ per day. Every minister's going to have a sense of hum(o)ur and be amusing/ entertaining. The most amusing people are going to be the most important ones in the country, and positivism is going to be compulsory. You are not going to be able to be sad or depressed : if you are, you're going to be sent to a foreign country to enfeeble your bitter thoughts. You're also going to be a sort/kind of spy whose duty is going to be the pinpointing of our sad enemies.

Not an utterly joyful world , I hope that the writter will never reach the power See you soon, workers!!



Réponse : Let's suggest/ 20 de here4u, postée le 18-08-2022 à 16:13:05 (S | E)
Hello dears!

Sorry I'm a few hours late... (I should have posted this morning at the latest... )

Here's EXPRESSION N°2: requiring your careful proofreading!

If I ruled the world, I would do anything to make it a better place to live in. I would immediately prohibit wars, armed conflicts, "military operations" or whatever they call it....

That seems impossible, doesn't it? Not necessarily in a nationless community, without borders, where no one tries to invade their neighbours for territorial expansion. Everyone would become fully aware that they are first and foremost on Earth, and that the Earth must be preserved.

All arms would be destroyed. People would work for peace, happiness and mutual aid. In addition, everyone would understand each other, as their mother tongue would be English all over the world.

With such a programme, I can't understand why I'm not already ruling the world, can you? (127)


Will you make any suggestions? Please, show possible mistakes in blue and underline what you think is clumsy! (Green will be allowed on August 20th.

Enjoy your holiday and take care.



Réponse : Let's suggest/ 20 de vaiana, postée le 19-08-2022 à 04:55:43 (S | E)
Hello everyone

EXPRESSION N°2: FIRST STAGE

If I ruled the world, I would do anything to make it a better place to live in. I would immediately prohibit wars, armed conflicts, "military operations" or whatever they call it....

That seems impossible, doesn't it? Not necessarily in a nationless community, without borders, where no one tries to invade their neighbours for territorial expansion. Everyone would become fully aware that they are first and foremost on Earth, and that the Earth (repetition) must be preserved.

All arms would be destroyed. People would work for peace, happiness and mutual aid. In addition, everyone would understand each other, as their mother tongue would be English all over the world.

With such a programme, I can't understand why I'm not already ruling the world, can you?

Have a good day!



Réponse : Let's suggest/ 20 de vaiana, postée le 22-08-2022 à 11:13:32 (S | E)
Hello

EXPRESSION N°2: LATTER STAGE

If I ruled the world, I would do anything to make it a better place to live in. I would immediately prohibit wars, armed conflicts, "military operations" or whatever they call it....

That seems impossible, doesn't it? Not necessarily in a nationless community, without borders, where no country tries to invade their neighbours for territorial expansion. Everyone would become fully aware that they are first and foremost on Earth, and that our planet must be preserved.

All arms would be destroyed. People would work for peace, happiness and mutual aid. In addition, everyone would understand each other, as the official language would be English all over the world.

With such a programme, I can't understand why I'm not already ruling the world, can you?



Réponse : Let's suggest/ 20 de here4u, postée le 22-08-2022 à 16:00:30 (S | E)
Hello, dears!

Thanks for your help! Let's consider EXPRESSION N°2 is ready!

Here is EXPRESSION N°3: Please, indicate possible mistakes in blue, and underline what you think is clumsy.


If I ruled the world, I would first do my best to eschew the pauperization of the poorest societies! For this purpose, amounts of money would be given away to Africa and South America from richer countries: every country whose means are sufficient would have to put in a financial effort; the same goes for the worldwide biggest fortunes. Localized poverty would also be dealt with case by case, consisting of subventions aiming at helping homeless and low-income people. Children exploitation, torture methods along with death penalty would be prohibited and severly repressed with imprisonment penalties. Moreover, bringing an end to the global warming would also be a milestone of the project I would have conceived of: customs such as the clearing of rainforests, the hunting of endangered species, the use of pesticides or even air conditioning would be punished with no mercy through steep fines.

Thanks for your efforts!



Réponse : Let's suggest/ 20 de maxwell, postée le 22-08-2022 à 20:11:56 (S | E)
Hello!
EXPRESSION N°3: Please, indicate possible mistakes in blue, and underline what you think is clumsy.


If I ruled the world, I would first do my best to eschew the pauperization of the poorest societies! For this purpose, XXX amounts of money would be given away to Africa and South America from richer countries: every country whose means are sufficient would have to put in a financial effort; the same goes for the worldwide biggest fortunes. Localized poverty would also be dealt with case by case, consisting of subventions aiming at helping homeless and low-income people. Children exploitation, torture methods along with death penalty would be prohibited and severly repressed with imprisonment penalties. Moreover, bringing an end to the global warming would also be a milestone of the project I would have conceived of: customs such as the clearing of rainforests, the hunting of endangered species, the use of pesticides or even air conditioning would be punished with no mercy through steep fines.


Il y a moyen, je pense, de faire des paragraphes pour rendre le texte moins dense.



Réponse : Let's suggest/ 20 de here4u, postée le 23-08-2022 à 22:06:02 (S | E)
Hello dears!

Green will be allowed tomorrow!



Réponse : Let's suggest/ 20 de maxwell, postée le 24-08-2022 à 08:15:15 (S | E)
READY 4U

Hello!
EXPRESSION N°3: suggestions


If I ruled the world, I would first do my best to reduce (1) the pauperization of the poorest societies! For this purpose, large (2) amounts of money would be given away to Africa and South America from richer countries: every country whose means are sufficient would have to put in a financial effort; the same goes for the worldwide biggest fortunes. Localized poverty would also be dealt with case by case, consisting of subventions aiming at helping homeless and low-income people.

Moreover(5), the exploitation of children (3), torture methods along with death penalty would be prohibited and severely (4) repressed with imprisonment penalties.

Finally(5), bringing an end to the global warming would also be a milestone of the project I would have conceived of: customs such as the clearing of rainforests, the hunting of endangered species, the use of pesticides or even air conditioning would be punished with no mercy through steep fines...

J'ai laissé pauperization et localized mais on peut aussi mettre pauperisation et localised

(1) eschew ne me semble pas approprié dans ce contexte : la pauvreté est déjà là, bien installée. Il ne s'agit pas de l'éviter, la rejeter, la fuir, mais bien de la réduire, de lutter contre. Je propose reduce. Voire, si l'on est très ambitieux : eradicate.

(2) "amounts" tout seul me semble un peu "orphelin". On s'attend à un qualificatif pour le caractériser. Je propose large, ou substantial.

(3) je me trompe peut-être mais quand j'ai vu "children exploitation", ça m'a semblé sonner un peu faux. J'aimerais avoir l'avis d'Here4U sur ce point

(4) Si j'ai tort, il me faut des preuves

(5) J'ai un peu changé les mots de liaison car la dernière phrase semble tourner court (on attendrait presque une suite, une conclusion).
Par ailleurs, j'ai mis 3 points de suspension à la fin pour bien mettre en valeur la portée menaçante de ce texte



Réponse : Let's suggest/ 20 de here4u, postée le 25-08-2022 à 23:46:27 (S | E)
Voici le résultat de vos suggestions ! La combinaison de vos travaux donne de plus en plus satisfaction ... si bien que je n'ai plus beaucoup de choses à rajouter ! C'était le but ! à vous ! On continue !

EXPRESSION N°1:

"If I ruled the world... " What would your first decision be? Please, use comedy and absurdity! I need a good laugh![ a little frustrated on that... 130 to 150 words.

Now I’m ruling the world … I (reached my goal ! Now I’m the Master of the world: I decide that all work is abolished. All the ressources are shared and good-will is the important principle: you do what you can. If (your strong, you cultivate the land, if you’re not, you give what you can in function of your abilities. Everybody must give up (your belonging to the State, which will use (it as is necessary for the well-being of the society. The only duties are to serve all the others and to make them (laughing (at last one hour everyday. Every Minister must have humour and be amusing. (The more amusing people are the more important in the country. Revoir toute la construction de cette phrase.)(The positivism is compulsory. You cannot be sad or depressed: if you are, you are sent to a foreign countryB to (enfeeble them. You (are a sort of spies to (destuct the sad (ennemies. 158 words

EXPRESSION N°1: Please, indicate possible mistakes in blue, and underline what you think is clumsy.

Now I’m ruling the world … I reached my goal ! Now I’m XXX Master of the world : I decide that all work is abolished. All the ressources are shared and good will is the important principle: you do what you can. If your strong, you cultivate the land, if you’re not, you give what you can in function of your abilities. Everybody must give up your belonging to the State(1) , which will use it as is necessary for the well-being of the society. The only duties are to serve all the others and to make them laughing (at last one hour everyday). Every Minister must have humour and be amusing. The more amusing people are(ponctuation) the more important in the country. The positivism is compulsory. You cannot be sad or depressed : if you are, you are sent to a foreign country to (enfeeble them. You are a sort of spies XXX to destuct the sad ennemies.(2) 157 words

(1) je viens de comprendre !
(2) Je ne suis pas certain d'avoir compris la dernière phrase : "You" fait-il référence à tous ceux qui sont tristes et déprimés et envoyés dans les pays étrangers (dans ce cas, la ponctuation est à revoir)
[C’est ce que j’ai compris !] ? ou bien à tous les autres ? (je n'ai pas compris si les ennemis sont dans notre pays ou dans les autres[partout, je pense !], d'autant qu'on parle de les détruire (ce qui est particulièrement violent)( ??? détruire au sens de « neutraliser », je suppose …), alors qu'auparavant, on parlait simplement de les envoyer dans un pays étranger.)

(pas d'espace avant la ponctuation)

EXPRESSION N°1: suggestions:

Now I’m ruling the world... I've reached (1) my goal! Now I’m the(2) Master of the world: I've decided that all work is abolished. All the(3) resources will be shared.

Goodwill is the important principle: you do what you can. If you're strong, you cultivate the land, if you’re not, you give what you can to the best of your ability.
Everybody must hand over their property to the state,(4) which will use it as is necessary for the well-being of the society. The only duties are to serve everyone else(5) and to make them laugh (at least one hour a day). Every minister (6) must have humour and be funny (7). The funnier people are, the more important in the country. Positivism (8) is compulsory. You cannot be sad or depressed: if you are, you are sent to a foreign country to (enfeeble them. You are a kind of spies(9) whose mission is to get rid of(10) sad enemies. 157 words

(1) Bilan d'action => très clairement ici, [Oui !] le prétérit ne convient pas et le present perfect s'impose (la phrase commence par "Now" !)
(2) Le maître du monde est unique => mérite bien "the"
[ Master est déterminé par « of »…]
(3) j'ai hésité à enlever "the" mais finalement je l'ai laissé. [Je ne l’aurais pas mis … mais je ne crois pas que j’aurais utilisé « all/ all the »…]
(4) en lisant "belonging" (sans s), j'avais fait un faux sens : je pensais que l'auteur voulait que l'on renonce à son appartenance à l'Etat (la nation, la patrie). En fait, il veut que tous les biens soient cédés à l'Etat ! (belongings) OUI !
(5) other people, ou alors : everyone/everybody else OUI
(6) the Prime Minister : porte des majuscules ; il me semble que les autres, non. Lien internet

(7) amusing = divertissant ; funny = drôle
Lien internet
(8) pas d'article devant des noms abstraits, quand on exprime une généralité (en revanche, lorsqu'il ne s'agit pas d'une généralité mais de quelque chose de précis, déterminé, on peut mettre the : the positivism that you bring to us...OUI ! OK ! )
(9) je comprends "you" comme un "vous" collectif (vous tous), d'où spies, au pluriel. Il me semble que même au pluriel, on peut dire : a kind of (spies [j’aurais mis spy au singulier]
(10) déjà, il manquait un "r" à destruct, mais c'est surtout : préférer destroy. J'ai essayé de rendre la fin plus logique et plus claire par rapport à la phrase précédente.
- Enfeeble: Lien internet
je mettrais « weakened »

EXPRESSION N°1: other suggestions

Now I’m ruling the world … I have reached my goal !B Now I’m the Master of the world: I have decided that all work is going to be abolished. All resources OK are going to be shared and goodwill is going to be the most important principle : you are going to do what you can.(Trop de répétitions de going to) If you're strong, you're going to cultivate the land, if you’re not, you're going to handle it as best you can, out of your abilities. Everybody is going to have to give away their belongings to the state, which will use them as is necessary for the well-being of the society. The only duties are going to be to serve all the others and (to) make them laugh, at least one hour every day/ per day/ a day. Every minister's going to have a sense of hum(o ? c’est le U qui est incertain !))ur and be amusing/ entertaining.The most amusing people are going to be the most important ones in the countryB (je préfère cette forme plutôt que la progression parallèle !) , and positivism is going to be compulsory. You are not going to be able to be sad or depressed : if you are, you're going to be sent to a foreign country to (enfeeble your bitter thoughts. You're also going to be a sort/kind of spy whose duty is going to be the pinpointing of our sad enemies.

Not an utterly joyful world , I hope that the (writter will never reach the power…

De bonnes corrections, mais je suis encore vraiment gênée par les «going to» pléthoriques [certains sont faux !]… Je suis étonnée qu’ils n’aient gêné que moi … Dommage car c'est un essai de corrections courageux !


EXPRESSION N°2:

If I ruled the world, I would do anything to make it a better place to live in. I would immediately prohibit wars, armed conflicts, "military operations" or whatever they call it....
That seems impossible, doesn't it? Not necessarily in a nationless community, without borders, where no one tries to invade their neighbours for territorial expansion. (Est-ce une phrase ? ou la réponse à la question – rhétorique – précédente ?) Everyone would become fully aware that they are first and foremost on Earth, and that the Earth must be preserved.
All arms/ weapons would be destroyed. People would work for peace, happiness and mutual aid. In addition, everyone would understand each other, as their mother tongue (do you mean you’d exclude the people whose mother-tongue isn’t English? ) would be English all over the world.
With such a programme, I can't understand why I'm not already ruling the world, can you? (127)

EXPRESSION N°2: Suggestions

If I ruled the world, I would do anything to make it a better place to live in. I would immediately prohibit wars, armed conflicts, "military operations" or whatever they call it...
That seems impossible, doesn't it? Not necessarily in a nationless community, without borders, where no one tries to invade their neighbours for territorial expansion. Everyone would become fully aware that they are first and foremost on Earth, and that the Earth (repetition)(and that our planet must be preserved.)[la répétition ne me gêne pas ici. Elle prend même un rôle emphatique !] must be preserved.
All arms would be destroyed. People would work for peace, happiness and mutual aid. In addition, everyone would understand each other, as their mother tongue would be English all over the world.

With such a programme, I can't understand why I'm not already ruling the world, can you?

Bon écrit et bonnes suggestions !

EXPRESSION N°3:

If I ruled the world, I would first do my best to eschew the pauperization of the poorest societies! For this purpose, XXX amounts of money would be given away to Africa and South America from richer countries (pourquoi utiliser le passif ici, puisque l'agent est spécifié ?): every country whose means are sufficient would have to put in a financial effort; the same goes for the worldwide biggest fortunes. Localized poverty would also be dealt with case by case, consisting of subventions aiming at helping homeless and low-income people. (Children exploitation, torture methods along with death penalty would be prohibited and (severly repressed with imprisonment penalties. Moreover, bringing an end to (the global warming would also be a milestone of the project I would have conceived (of: customs such as the clearing of rainforests, the hunting of endangered species, the use of pesticides or even air conditioning would be punished with no mercy through (steep fines.

Il y a moyen, je pense, de faire des paragraphes pour rendre le texte moins dense. WHY NOT?

EXPRESSION N°3: suggestions

If I ruled the world, I would first do my best to reduce (1) the pauperization of the poorest societies! For this purpose, large (2) amounts of money would be given away to Africa and South America from richer countries: every country whose means are sufficient would have to put in a financial effort; the same goes for the worldwide biggest fortunes. Localized poverty would also be dealt with case by case, consisting of subventions aiming at helping homeless and low-income people.
Moreover(5), the exploitation of children (3), torture methods along with death penalty would be prohibited and severely (4) repressed with imprisonment penalties.
Finally(5), bringing an end to the global warming would also be a milestone of the project I would have conceived of: customs such as the clearing of rainforests, the hunting of endangered species, the use of pesticides or even air conditioning would be punished with no mercy through steep fines...

J'ai laissé "pauperization" et "localized" mais on peut aussi mettre "pauperisation" et "localised".

(1)Maxwell wrote: eschew ne me semble pas approprié dans ce contexte : la pauvreté est déjà là, bien installée. Il ne s'agit pas de l'éviter,[Même dans ce cas, j'aurais préféré "avoid"!] la rejeter, la fuir, mais bien de la réduire, de lutter contre. Je propose "reduce". Voire, si l'on est très ambitieux : "eradicate". Good idea!
- pauperization/ pauperisation/ impoverishment?/ poverty?/
(2) "amounts" tout seul me semble un peu "orphelin" . On s'attend à un qualificatif pour le caractériser. Je propose "large", ou "substantial". Pour moi, c'est une réelle amélioration ...
(3) je me trompe peut-être mais quand j'ai vu "children exploitation", ça m'a semblé sonner[est] (un peu) faux. Lien internet

children's exploitation: OK: génitif/ cas possessif// child exploitation/ child protection: = nom composé [ le premier reste au singulier !]
(4)Changement des mots de liaison.
- global warming: en général! pas d'article. Lien internet
L'article ne se met que lorsque l'expression est en position d'adjectif (suivie d'un nom !): the global warming solutions seem to.../ the global warming average temperatures... et encore; il serait possible d'argumenter que le contexte détermine alors l'expression générale.
Par ailleurs, 3 points de suspension à la fin pour bien mettre en valeur la portée menaçante de ce texte ... position un peu radicale, mais bon ! L'heure est grave !

Recherches sur "clearing rainforests" : What is the most likely effect of clearing rainforest?
The loss of trees and other vegetation can cause climate change, desertification, soil erosion, fewer crops, flooding, increased greenhouse gases in the atmosphere, and a host of problems for indigenous people.
How deforestation works?
Lien internet

- Steep : certes! Lien internet

steep adjective; figurative, informal (price: expensive) (prix) excessif, excessive adjective
(figuré, familier : note) salé adjectif.

- Mais ici je préférerais : "stiff fines".
amende salée nf familier (contravention élevée) stiff fine.

That's it, folks! Just in time!

Vous pouvez, bien sûr nous soumettre tout ou partie d'un FOLLOW up WORK! "après réflexions" !

Bravo pour cet EXCELLENT TRAVAIL ! et du temps que vous y avez consacré !



Réponse : Let's suggest/ 20 de maxwell, postée le 27-08-2022 à 09:45:52 (S | E)
READY 4U
hello!
Follow-up work:
EXPRESSION N°1: final suggestions:

Now I’m ruling the world... I've reached my goal! Now I’m the Master of the world: I've decided that any (1) work is abolished. Every resource (1) will be shared.

Goodwill is the important principle: you do what you can. If you're strong, you cultivate the land, if you’re not, you give what you can to the best of your ability.
Everybody must hand over their property to the state, which will use it as is necessary for the well-being of the society. The only duties are to serve everyone else and to make them laugh (at least one hour a day). Every minister must have humour and be funny. The funniest people are going to be the most important ones in the country. Positivism is compulsory. You cannot be sad or depressed: if you are, you are sent to a foreign country to weaken them with your bitter thoughts. In a way, you are a kind of spy whose mission is to get rid of sad enemies.

(1) Etait-ce ce que tu attendais ?


EXPRESSION N°2: final suggestions:

If I ruled the world, I would do anything to make it a better place to live in. I would immediately prohibit wars, armed conflicts, "military operations" or whatever those presidents who justify that may call it....
That seems impossible, doesn't it? I think it would be possible(1) in a nationless community, without borders, where no one tries to invade their neighbours for territorial expansion. Everyone would become fully aware that they are first and foremost on Earth, and that the Earth must be preserved.
All weapons would be destroyed. People would work for peace, happiness and mutual aid. In addition, everyone would understand each other, as their mother tongue would gradually and finally become (2) English all over the world.
With such a programme, I can't understand why I'm not already ruling the world. Can you?

(1) Oui, c'était la réponse à la question précédente. Mais comme tu préfères les phrases, j'ai reformulé. Comme disaient mes profs de 6e et 5e : "Make a sentence!"
(2) J'espère que tu es rassurée sur mes intentions


EXPRESSION N°3: final suggestions:

If I ruled the world, I would first do my best to reduce the pauperization of the poorest societies! For this purpose, the richest countries would give away large amounts of money to Africa and South America: every country with sufficient resources would have to put in a financial effort; the same goes for the worldwide biggest fortunes. Localized poverty would also be dealt with case by case, consisting of grants aiming at helping homeless and low-income people.
Moreover, child exploitation, torture along with death penalty would be prohibited and severely repressed with imprisonment penalties.
Finally, bringing an end to global warming would also be a milestone of my project (1): customs such as the clearing of rainforests, the hunting of endangered species, the use of pesticides or even air conditioning would be punished with no mercy through stiff fines...


(1) Je n'ai pas trop compris pourquoi "I would have conceived of" était à revoir : c'est juste "of" qui pose problème ?



Réponse : Let's suggest/ 20 de vaiana, postée le 28-08-2022 à 00:04:47 (S | E)
Hello Thanks for providing us with your corrections

EXPRESSION N°3: FOLLOW-UP WORK

If I ruled the world, I would first do my best to eradicate the pauperization of the poorest societies! For this purpose, richer countries would give away some amounts of money to Africa and South America (not "large" or "substantial" here because these sums would only stem from the financial abilities of donor countries ): every country which have enough money would have to put in a financial effort; the same goes for the worldwide biggest fortunes. Localized poverty would also be dealt with case by case, consisting of grants aiming at helping homeless and low-income people. The exploitation of children, methods of torture along with the death penalty would be prohibited and severely repressed with imprisonment penalties. Moreover, bringing an end to global warming would also be a milestone of the project I would have conceived: customs such as the clearing of rainforests, the hunting of endangered species, the use of pesticides or even air conditioning would be punished with no mercy through stiff fines.

I don't understand why I can't write: " ... that I have conceived of"
I looked up "to conceive" in my dictionary and it was written that the verb was followed by "of"





Réponse : Let's suggest/ 20 de here4u, postée le 04-09-2022 à 09:14:00 (S | E)
Relecture du FOLLOW up WORK: IN PROGRESS.

EXPRESSION N°1: final suggestions and corrections:


Now I’m the Master of the world: I've decided to abolish any form of work. Every resource will be shared. OK.
Good suggestions for the whole EXPRESSION:

EXPRESSION N°2: final suggestions and corrections:

..."as their mother tongue would gradually and finally become English all over the world." (Rassurée ? Pas vraiment ! Tu nous crées des générations sacrifiées ! C'est ton droit ...)

Définition de mother tongue en anglais (Cambridge dictionary.)
mother tongue
noun [ C usually singular ]
UK /ˌmʌð.ə ˈtʌŋ/ US /ˌmʌð.ɚ ˈtʌŋ/

B2
the first language that you learn when you are a baby, rather than a language learned at school or as an adult
Comparer
first language// native speaker

EXPRESSION N°3: final suggestions and corrections:


If I ruled the world, I would first do my best to reduce the pauperization of the poorest societies! For this purpose, the richest countries would give away large amounts of money to Africa and South America: every country with sufficient resources would have to put in a financial effort; the same goes for the worldwide biggest fortunes. Localized poverty would also be dealt with case by case, consisting of grants aiming at helping homeless and low-income people.
Moreover, child exploitation, torture along with the death penalty would be prohibited and severely repressed with imprisonment penalties(prison terms/ prison sentences).
Finally, bringing an end to global warming would also be a milestone of my project (1): customs such as the clearing of rainforests, the hunting of endangered species, the use of pesticides or even air conditioning would be punished with no mercy through stiff fines...

Bonne expression et bonnes corrections.


(1) Je n'ai pas trop compris pourquoi "I would have conceived of" était à revoir : c'est juste "of" qui pose problème ?
Yes! There's a difference between "conceive something" and "conceive of something":
1[transitive] (formal) to form an idea, a plan, etc. in your mind; to imagine something conceive something He conceived the idea of transforming the old power station into an arts center.
conceive of something (as something) God is often conceived of as male.
Lien internet


I felt the first verb suited the idea... but after all, it all depends on what you really meant!

EXPRESSION N°3: FOLLOW-UP WORK

If I ruled the world, I would first do my best to eradicate the pauperization of the poorest societies! For this purpose, richer countries would give away some amounts of money to Africa and South America (not "large" or "substantial" here because these sums would only stem from the financial abilities of donor countries ): every country which have enough money would have to put in a financial effort; the same goes for the worldwide biggest fortunes. Localized poverty would also be dealt with case by case, consisting of grants aiming at helping homeless and low-income people. The exploitation of children, methods of torture along with the death penalty would be prohibited and severely repressed with imprisonment penalties. Moreover, bringing an end to global warming would also be a milestone of the project I would have conceived: customs such as the clearing of rainforests, the hunting of endangered species, the use of pesticides or even air conditioning would be punished with no mercy through stiff fines.


I looked up "to conceive" in my dictionary and it was written that the verb was followed by "of"[sometimes... only!] (Don't write and think like a dictionary! Think with your brains! )




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