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Correction/ notions

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/ notions
Message de mourad10 posté le 01-11-2017 à 18:43:35 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
j'aurais besoin d'aide pour ma notion mythes et héros qui est faite mais ma professeur me dit que je me répétais ou je dois réorganiser mon plan.
voci mon texte, merci pour votre aide.

MYTHS AND HEROES
I will talk about myth and heroes
A myth can be a patriotic or a national hero
Hero can be a sportsman, polititian , a human rights defender.
sports heroe are person who have got a performance, courage and achievement in their carrer.
So now, I will try to explain the role of sport heroes in society?
First of all I will talk about: the sportsman are a model for the society
in the second part I will talk about: the athlete as an icon for the society.
And finally I will show the athletes are example for their courages

first of all the athlete is model for society such as Usain bolt
Usain bolt is a Jamaican sprinter who won gold medal in the Beijing and London Olympic games
I’m go to describe the mural a painting representing usain bolt.
On this mural Usain bolt is looking straight at us. His face is surrounded with colorful lines
the lines give an impressions of rapidity, speed
the glowing light all around his face can be compared to light or energy
For me Usain bolt look like an aura, a saint on this painting
This painting shows a usain bolt like a model and champion for the society
In an other video called “inside Jamaica running factory”
In this document we can see young people are hoping to become the next generation of Olympic athletes. Some young people would like be Usain bolt

In the second part i talk about the athlete an icon for the society
In the video “mini bio of Usain bolt” explain the achievement and career of Usain bolt
In 2008 he won three gold medals at the Olympic game and become the first man In history to win 100 meters and 200 meters races in record times
He is a sprinters
In 2004 he pulled a muscle in Olympics game in Athens
For young people Usain is an icon a lots of children like become a heroes
for me Usain bolt is an icon he inspires a lot of chidrlen would to become an heroes.
Usain bolt achieved to win gold medals in Olympic games he is an example and legend for all society

Finally I will talk about Aimee Mullins. I have choose the document with the career and life of Aimee Mullins
Aimee Mullins is an American athlete and fashion model
she grew up in America
Aimee Mullins had a careers in sport and fashion
she practice running at the division first level in college
Aimee Mullins is one of the first college athlete amputee to complete against non amputee
she is a top model who walk fashion shows with super model
Aimee Mullins is determine and ready until emotional, intellectual and courageous
in my point of view Aimee Mullins is a heroes because she is ready to overcome obstacle she is one of the best amputee athletes brave and strong.


hero are important for the society because hero are a role model and an icon for society like Usain bolt and hero are an example for then courage
For me the hero is an amazing personn who achieve an action and inspire a lot of people to become a next generation of hero
Now I would like to talk about jessica she is an amputee women who was born with no amrs. Jessica has maintained a positive attitude. She is creatives as possible for new ways
jessica is determined and persitant
for her life is a challenge an opportunity to learn more, help others
for her parent she is not a victim

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 01-11-2017 22:27


Réponse : Correction/ notions de laure95, postée le 03-11-2017 à 17:10:31 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
- (article)Hero can be a sportsman, (article)polititian , a human rights defender.
- sports heroe (c'est le 2è mot qui se met au pluriel) are person (pluriel)who have got a (pas de a)performance, courage and achievement in their carrer (orthographe).
- So now, I will try to explain the role of sport heroes in society?: enlever point d'interrogation.
- First of all I will talk about: the sportsman (pluriel) (who) are a model (pluriel) for the society
- courages: au singulier.

- first of all the athlete is (pluriel)model (pluriel)for (article) society
- Usain bolt is a Jamaican sprinter who won (present perfect)gold medal (pluriel) in the Beijing and London Olympic games
- I’m go: mal conjugué.
- usain bolt: majuscule.
- an impressions: an + singulier.
- Usain bolt look (faute de conjugaison) like an aura,
- This painting shows a (pas de a)usain bolt (majuscule)like a model

- we can see young people (pronom relatif)are hoping to become the next generation
- Some young people would like (to)be Usain bolt

- i (majuscule) talk (futur) about the athlete (il manque un mot)an icon for the society
- In the video “mini bio of Usain bolt” (sujet?)explain (faute de conjugaison)the achievement
- the Olympic game (pluriel)and become (passé)the first man
- He is a sprinters: a + singulier
- in (article)Olympics game (pluriel) in Athens
- a lots (singulier)of children like become a (pas de a)heroes
- chidrlen (pronom relatif)would to become an (pas de an) heroes.
- Usain bolt achieved (present perfect)to win gold medals

- I have choose: faute de conjugaison.
-a careers: a + singulier)
-she practice: faute de conjugaison.
- the division first level : mal construit.
- college athlete amputee (pluriel) to complete against non amputee
- she is a top model who walk fashion shows with super model: ?
- Aimee Mullins is determine (participe passé)
- a heroes: a + singulier.
- obstacle: mettre au pluriel.

- hero (pluriel)are important for the society because hero (pluriel)are a role model (pluriel)and an icon (pluriel)for (article) society like Usain bolt and hero (pluriel)are an example (pluriel) for then courage
- personn (orthographe)who achieve (faute de conjugaison)an action and inspire (faute de conjugaison)a lot of people to become a next generation of hero (pluriel)

- Jessica: majuscule.
- she is an amputee women (singulier) who was born with no amrs .
- She is créatives (pas de s)
- jessica is determined and persitant
- for her parent (pluriel)



Réponse : Correction/ notions de mourad10, postée le 05-11-2017 à 11:34:55 (S | E)
Bonjour merci pour cette correction mais j aurais besoins de savoir si ma notion est clair ou pas. Ma professeur me dit que je me répète trop ou je dois réorganiser mon plan



Réponse : Correction/ notions de laure95, postée le 05-11-2017 à 16:26:44 (S | E)
Bonjour,
En effet, tu limites la notion de héro aux héros sportifs, ce qui ferait une partie de ton plan mais il faudrait que tu envisages dans une seconde partie, d'autres types de héros (Exemples: héros fictifs de BD, héros réels de la vie de tous les jours ou personnes ayant marqué l'histoire comme Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela,...).



Réponse : Correction/ notions de mourad10, postée le 05-11-2017 à 17:46:04 (S | E)
J ai regroupé un peu mes axes en proposant un axe sur le sportif un model et un icon sur la société
Puis un autre axe sur le sportif fait preuve d un acte héroïque
Et le dernier axe l athlète un exemple pour son courage.




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