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Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais
Tout ce qui a un rapport avec l'apprentissage de l'anglais: grammaire, orthographe, aides aux devoirs, phrases etc.

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correction de texte svp
Message de solyly29 posté le 25-03-2007 à 21:05:37 (S | E | F | I)

Bonsoir, pouvez vous corriger ce texte. C'est pour un oral d'exam. merci d'avance
I Introduction of the structure
A I carried out a placement in a retirement home that manages by the C…. It is a public establishment. It manages different sectors:
•Childhood: it creates structures to welcome children and their parents.
•Social action: it gives financial helps for people who have difficulties.
•Old people: it gives financial helps too and manages different structures.
The director manages four structures: two retraiment homes for able persons, a restaurant for old people and a medical structure for dependant persons.

B Short historical
The retirement homes opened in 1970. Today, these structures are old and one is renovated. Each establishment can welcome forty-seven able persons. They must have more sixty-five years old. Each nursing home for elderly people has got forty flats F1 bis (with bathroom, toilets and kitchen) and two studios F1 (with only bathroom and toilets). Today, elderly people are confronted with health problems, loneliness and dependence. Seniors are actors of their lives and can make decisions. They don’t want to upset their children or neighbours. With these establishments, old people are in their own home and have an access to all services (restoration, accompaniment, animation). It purposes a temporary welcome too.
Next to retirement homes, the structure welcomes dependant people of the two other establishments. This place who can keep busy fifteen persons was inaugurated by Miss.

C Current position

Between these three structures, there is a staff of forty persons. The director manages employees. She helps by her secretary. There isn’t any doctor. A nurse is present for dependant people. Everyday, “un aide soignant” in each structure helps the residents to take their medicines and walk. A host purposes different leisures: manuals activities like decoration for Christmas or the Mothers day for example, shopping, society plays, cultural visits, singing twice a week.
The staff of restoration prepares meals. They don’t cook. The hospital delivers the food and the retirement home reheats all alimentation. The residents eat their meal in the dining room together. In afternoon, this same staff cleans locals and some residents’ flats.
Every week, a sport teacher comes during one hour and makes gymnastics on a chair. Elderly people can stay energetic and dynamic. It’s important to avoid falls.

2 What I did over those seventeen weeks

A My tasks
The tasks I was entrusted were varied. The person in charge of my placement asked me to make the establishment project with employees of the two structures. It’s a project on five years to improve the residents’ life in the retirement home. I made the document for the welcome in the two structures with a contract and functioning rules. It’s obligatory with the law of the January 2nd, 2002. I participated in several official meetings: the Counsel of social life (meeting with administrators and residents to talk about problems), the meeting on the orientation for elderly people in the P… I wrote the summaries of meetings. I made monthly plannings for all staffs. It was very, very difficult because you must respect the days of holidays, landings and the absences for illness. The lack of employees is a real problem for retirement homes even for able persons.

B The tools I used
To do a project, you must use human relations. It’s important that everybody knows you and understands your mission in the establishment.
For the establishment project, another trainee made drillings with residents to know their opinions. Me, I worked with the employees of the two structures. I organised a lot of meetings. I explained the goal of the project and I listened to their suggestions. It was interesting to hear people talking about their job. Immediately, you understand their problems and the actual lacks. A lot of persons are victims of a lack of gratitude.


Réponse: correction de texte svp de marlond, postée le 25-03-2007 à 23:37:15 (S | E)
I've highlighted errors in blue - see if you can correct them first.
A I carried out a placement in a retirement home that manages by the C…. It is a public establishment. It manages different sectors:
•Childhood: it creates structures to welcome children and their parents.
•Social action: it gives financial helps for people who have difficulties.
•Old people: it gives financial helps too and manages different structures.
The director manages four structures: two retraiment homes for able persons, a restaurant for old people and a medical structure for dependant persons.


[You've used the word 'structure' a lot - I'm not sure what you mean by 'structure' in this context - maybe you could use a different word? You've used the word 'persons' quite a lot - this is a word and can be used in this way, but it's quite formal and not suitable for this work, and you can't mix 'persons' and 'people', so use 'people']



B Short historical
The retirement homes opened in 1970. Today, these structures are old and one is renovated. Each establishment can welcome forty-seven able persons. They must have more sixty-five years old. Each nursing home for elderly people has got forty flats F1 bis [What is this?] (with bathroom, toilets and kitchen) and two studios F1 (with only bathroom and toilets). Today, elderly people are confronted with health problems, loneliness and dependence. Seniors are actors of their lives and can make decisions. They don’t want to upset their children or neighbours. With these establishments, old people are in their own home and have an access to all services (restoration[What is this, in this context?], accompaniment[Do you mean someone to keep them company?], animation). It purposes a temporary welcome too.
Next to retirement homes, the structure welcomes dependant people of the two other establishments. This place who can keep busy fifteen persons was inaugurated['established' may be a better word here] by Miss.

C Current position

Between these three structures, there is a staff of forty persons. The director manages employees. She helps by her secretary. There isn’t any doctor. A nurse is present for dependant people. Everyday, “un aide soignant” in each structure helps the residents to take their medicines and walk. A host purposes different leisures: manuals activities like decoration for Christmas or the Mothers day for example, shopping, society plays, cultural visits, singing twice a week.
The staff of restoration prepares meals. They don’t cook. The hospital delivers the food and the retirement home reheats all alimentation. The residents eat their meal in the dining room together. In afternoon, this same staff cleans [English usually/often uses a plural verb after 'staff'] locals and some residents’ flats.
Every week, a sport teacher comes during one hour and makes gymnastics on a chair. Elderly people can stay energetic and dynamic. It’s important to avoid falls.

[There is no verb 'to purpose' - you mean 'to provide', maybe?]

I'll correct the rest when you've done the first bit




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