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Tout ce qui a un rapport avec l'apprentissage de l'anglais: grammaire, orthographe, aides aux devoirs, phrases etc.
Charlotte - correction.
Message de frapedur posté le 08-05-2007 à 10:29:00 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour à tous,
Je poste beaucoup en ce moment, je me fais aider pour m'aider à comprendre des fautes que je pourrais éventuellement éviter lors de devoirs ou chose du genre...
Je vous soumets cette fois-ci une rédaction (150 mots environ), sur le métier que fait Charlotte (elle étudie les chimpanzées), et sur celui que je voudrais faire plus tard:
Voici ma rédaction:
Charlotte's job is very attractive but it must be passion. If you're fascinate by the chimps, you want work with them, it's so logical. She has find a job with the chimpanzees, she is not in the zoo, she is the forests, in the living of ones, in Africa!!! She observes their animals all the time, when they eat, fight or sleep! It's a fantastic job! Although this work is attractive, we must do a lot of choices, leave her house in England, to live in a wooden hut in Tanzania, it's not a easily choice!!!
Now, for me, later, I don't know that I want to do but i would work in the informatic! The computers fascinate me (like the chimps for Charlotte), it's a very good thing for the humanity and it's very usefull, a lot of people has one computer in his house (or more). But, a lot of jobs fascinate me but I will not be able to do everything, for an exemple, a job like pyrothechnicer is beautiful, make some lights in the darkness, it's fantastic!!!
Je ne pense pas qu'il y ait beaucoup de fautes, car j'ai fait des phrases simples avec des choses que je connaissais.
d'avance pour votre correction et vos explications sur les fautes que j'aurais pu éventullement commettre.
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Modifié par bridg le 08-05-2007 10:49
Message de frapedur posté le 08-05-2007 à 10:29:00 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour à tous,
Je poste beaucoup en ce moment, je me fais aider pour m'aider à comprendre des fautes que je pourrais éventuellement éviter lors de devoirs ou chose du genre...
Je vous soumets cette fois-ci une rédaction (150 mots environ), sur le métier que fait Charlotte (elle étudie les chimpanzées), et sur celui que je voudrais faire plus tard:
Voici ma rédaction:
Charlotte's job is very attractive but it must be passion. If you're fascinate by the chimps, you want work with them, it's so logical. She has find a job with the chimpanzees, she is not in the zoo, she is the forests, in the living of ones, in Africa!!! She observes their animals all the time, when they eat, fight or sleep! It's a fantastic job! Although this work is attractive, we must do a lot of choices, leave her house in England, to live in a wooden hut in Tanzania, it's not a easily choice!!!
Now, for me, later, I don't know that I want to do but i would work in the informatic! The computers fascinate me (like the chimps for Charlotte), it's a very good thing for the humanity and it's very usefull, a lot of people has one computer in his house (or more). But, a lot of jobs fascinate me but I will not be able to do everything, for an exemple, a job like pyrothechnicer is beautiful, make some lights in the darkness, it's fantastic!!!
Je ne pense pas qu'il y ait beaucoup de fautes, car j'ai fait des phrases simples avec des choses que je connaissais.
d'avance pour votre correction et vos explications sur les fautes que j'aurais pu éventullement commettre.-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 08-05-2007 10:49
Réponse: Charlotte - correction. de aimen7, postée le 08-05-2007 à 11:13:30 (S | E)
Bonjour frapedur,
Beaucoup de fautes en effet! Je les signale simplement par le petit symbole. Les fautes concernent l'ortographe de certains mots, la grammaire, le choix de certains mots...Il y en a de plusieurs sortes. Bon courage.
-If you're
fascinate -She observes
their animals all the time-leave
her house in England-I don't know
that I want to do -
i would work in the informatic-
The computers fascinate me -
the humanity and it's very usefull-it's not
a easily choice-a lot of people
has one computer in his house -for
an exemple-
pyrothechnicer -
make some lights in the darknessIl y en a sûrement d'autres, mais commençons avec celles là.
Réponse: Charlotte - correction. de jean31, postée le 08-05-2007 à 11:19:03 (S | E)
Bonjour frapedur,
Ravi de pouvoir t'aider à nouveau.
Commençons par le français qui semble te poser de sérieux problèmes...
=> Je me fais aidER ... que je pourrais évitER <= le second verbe est presque toujours un infinitif.
=> chimpanzés <= avec un seul é. Tu confonds probablement avec l'orthographe anglaise -ees.
Pour l'anglais, voici ce que j'ai relevé :
=> ...it must be a passion.
=> If you're fascinate <= c'est une tournure passive, donc obligation du participe passé.
=> the chimps <= désolé, ils ne sont pas définis. Tu parles des chimpanzés en général, donc...?
=> obligation d'employer l'infinitif complet après want.
=> She has find <= Rappel : le present perfect = have/has + participe passé du verbe. Find est irrégulier. Rectifie.
=> in the living of ones <= cela ne signifie rien. Qu'as-tu voulu dire ?
=> leave her house... <= Tu dois accorder cet adjectif possessif avec le pronom sujet we.
=> to leave... <= vient après le modal must. Rectifie l'erreur.
=> a easily choice <= 2 erreurs : 1° le déterminant 2° l'adverbe au lieu de l'adjectif. Rectifie ces 2 horreurs.
=> Now, for me, later,... <= Tout ça n'est pas très "anglais". Suggestion : Presently, I don't know... forme verbale... later.
=> I don't know that I want to do <= ce que = what. Rectifie.
=> but I would like to work in computing ou bien Information Technology. Si tu dis seulement would work = travaillerais et non j'aimerais travailler.
=> The computers <= Voir ma remarque sur les chimpanzés plus haut. Même cas de figure !
=> the humanity <= On dit plutôt the human kind ou plus simplement encore mankind.
=> usefull <= rectifie l'orthographe.
=> a lot of people has <= Horreur des horreurs ! Dois-je te rappeler que people est un pluriel ?
=> in THEIR houseS <= accord de l'adjectif possessif et pluriel idiomatique : chacun des sujets ayant un complément, celui-ci se met de préférence au pluriel, à l'inverse du français.
=> for exAmple <= avec un a en anglais.
=> pyrothectechnicer <= A mon avis c'est un barbarisme. J'ignore si le mot pyrotechnician existe. Donc je dirais pyrotechnics technician ou peut-être technician in pyrotechnics.
* Prends bien le temps de tout analyser et rectifie en conséquence.
A te re-lire.
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Modifié par jean31 le 08-05-2007 11:21
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Modifié par jean31 le 08-05-2007 11:22
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Modifié par jean31 le 08-05-2007 11:23
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Modifié par jean31 le 08-05-2007 11:27
Réponse: Charlotte - correction. de frapedur, postée le 08-05-2007 à 11:40:01 (S | E)
Bonjour à vous deux,
, beaucoup d'erreurs 
Je vais essayer de corriger!!
Charlotte's job is very attractive but it must be a passion. If you're fascinate by chimps, you want work with them, it's so logical. She has found a job with chimpanzees, she is not in the zoo, she is the forests, in their natural living (est-ce mieux, dans leur milieu naturel??), in Africa!!! She observes their animals all the time, when they eat, fight or sleep! It's a fantastic job! Although this work is attractive, we must do a lot of choices, leave our house in England, to live in a wooden hut in Tanzania, it's not an eas... (??? n'ai-je déjà pas mis l'adverbe???) choice!!!
Presently, I don't know that I want to do later but I would like to work in Information Technology. Computers fascinate me (like the chimps for Charlotte), it's a very good thing for the mankind and it's very useful, a lot of people have one computer in their houses (or more). But, a lot of jobs fascinate me but I will not be able to do everything, for an example, a job like technician in pyrotechnics is beautiful, make some lights in the darkness, it's fantastic!!!
Apparemment, les fautes que tu as relevées aimen, rejoignent celle de jean31. J'espère que j'ai bien amélioré ma rédaction...
Réponse: Charlotte - correction. de aimen7, postée le 08-05-2007 à 14:20:23 (S | E)
C'est mieux mais:
- If you're fascinate (participe passé)by chimps, you want
(want est suivi de TO, revoir la correction de jean31)work with them...-She has found a job with chimpanzees, she is not (utiliser le verbe "work" de préférence) in the zoo, she is (il manque la préposition de lieu)the forests, in their natural living (milieu natural: natural environment) , in Africa!!!
-She observes their animals (elle observe les animaux, the animals) all the time...
-it's not an eas... (distinguer l'adjectif de l'adverbe)
-Presently, I don't know that?? I want to do later but I would like to work in Information Technology (revoir la correction de jean31).
-Computers fascinate me (like the chimps for Charlotte), it's a very good thing for the(useless) mankind and it's very useful, a lot of people have one computer, in their houses (or more) (éviter les parenthèses et remplacer "or more" ou le placer ailleurs dans la phrase.)
-(Répétition de "but") But, a lot of jobs fascinate me but (I will not be able to do everything, for an example (comment dit-on "par exemple"?), (pour commencer cette phrase j'utiliserais "Although")
-a job like technician in pyrotechnics (pyrotechnician can be used) is beautiful, (make/making some lights in the darkness, maladroit) , it's fantastic!!!
((Une petite définition de ce métier: Pyrotechnicians are experts in creating special effects using fire and smoke.
Working with production companies, pyrotechnicians are responsible for creating safe and convincing effects in movies, TV, theatre, concerts and sporting events.
Firework pyrotechnicians plan, build and light fireworks, as well as sell them at stands, tents and stores. ))
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Modifié par aimen7 le 08-05-2007 14:29
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Modifié par aimen7 le 08-05-2007 16:46
Réponse: Charlotte - correction. de jean31, postée le 08-05-2007 à 15:14:51 (S | E)
Coucou aimen7,
Crois-tu qu'à nous deux nous réussirons avec frapedur ?
C'est qu'il est récalcitrant, le bougre !
Et merci de m'avoir appelé "pépé" par deux fois, c'est sympa !
Réponse: Charlotte - correction. de frapedur, postée le 08-05-2007 à 17:01:33 (S | E)
Je reposte
, jean, en effet, je suis un peu récalcitrant , mais bon, je vais appliquer les corrections, normal Charlotte's job is very attractive but it must be a passion. If you're fascinated by chimps, you want to work with them, it's so logical. She has found a job with chimpanzees, she works not in the zoo, she is in the forests, in their natural environment, in Africa!!! She observes the animals all the time, when they eat, fight or sleep! It's a fantastic job! Although this work is attractive, we must do a lot of choices, leave our house in England, to live in a wooden hut in Tanzania, it's not an easy choice!!!
Presently, I don't know that I want to do later (je ne vois pas ce qui ne vas pas, je ne sais pas ce que que je veux faire plus tard...) but I would like to work in Information Technology. Computers fascinate me (like chimps for Charlotte), it's a very good thing for mankind and it's very useful, a lot of people have one or more computers in their houses. Although a lot of jobs fascinate me but I will not be able to do everything, for example, a job like technician in pyrotechnics is beautiful, making some lights in the darkness, it's fantastic!!!
lol, apparement, maintenant, ce serait bon, non?
Réponse: Charlotte - correction. de aimen7, postée le 08-05-2007 à 17:02:11 (S | E)
Hello jean31,
Tu as raison à chacun son pseudo
, J'ai corrigé le tien et je vais rendre le sien à notre cher pepe69. Pour frapedur, quelque peu récalcitrant mais tenace.
Réponse: Charlotte - correction. de frapedur, postée le 08-05-2007 à 17:03:55 (S | E)
Je reposte
, jean, en effet, je suis un peu récalcitrant , mais bon, je vais appliquer les corrections, normal Charlotte's job is very attractive but it must be a passion. If you're fascinated by chimps, you want to work with them, it's so logical. She has found a job with chimpanzees, she works not in the zoo, she is in the forests, in their natural environment, in Africa!!! She observes the animals all the time, when they eat, fight or sleep! It's a fantastic job! Although this work is attractive, we must do a lot of choices, leave our house in England, to live in a wooden hut in Tanzania, it's not an easy choice!!!
Presently, I don't know that I want to do later (je ne vois pas ce qui ne vas pas, je ne sais pas ce que que je veux faire plus tard...) but I would like to work in Information Technology. Computers fascinate me (like chimps for Charlotte), it's a very good thing for mankind and it's very useful, a lot of people have one or more computers in their houses. Although a lot of jobs fascinate me but I will not be able to do everything, for example, a job like technician in pyrotechnics is beautiful, making some lights in the darkness, it's fantastic!!!
, apparement, maintenant, ce serait bon, non? Réponse: Charlotte - correction. de jean31, postée le 08-05-2007 à 17:26:36 (S | E)
Mon cher frapedur,
C'est presque bon mais pas tout à fait.
Et bien que j'aie du mal à le croire, je me demande si tu n'aurais pas besoin de porter des lunettes.
C'est pourquoi je préfère penser que tu manques d'attention quand tu lis nos remarques.
=> she works not in the zoo <= Bravo ! Serait-ce une licence poétique d'un genre nouveau ?
=> (0) live in a wooden hut <= car le verbe vient après le modal must.
=> I don't know WHAT I want to do later.<= lunettes SVP !
=> pyrotechnician semble avoir l'aval de aimen7. Adoptons-le.
=> ...making some fireworks in the dark serait préférable.
* Allez, encore un effort et tu vas y arriver.
Réponse: Charlotte - correction. de aimen7, postée le 08-05-2007 à 17:37:35 (S | E)
Hello frapedur
C'est bien mais il reste quelques fausses notes.
-she works not (oublie d'un certain auxiliaire pour construire la forme négative?) in the zoo, she (is (ici j'aurais enlevé la virgule, le sujet et le verbe et j'aurais mis "but")in the forests.
-Presently, I don't know that I want to do later
Tu as voulu dire: "..."je ne sais pas CE QUE je veux faire plus tard", jean31 te l'a dit plus haut, "ce que" se traduit par "what", alors pourquoi ce "that"?
- Computers fascinate me (like chimps for Charlotte) les parenthèses sont inutiles.
-it's (je pense qu'ici tu peux commencer une nouvelle phrase, donc mettre une majuscule à "it's") a very good thing for mankind and it's very useful, a lot of people have one or more computers in their houses.
-Although a lot of jobs fascinate me but ("but" est inutile) I will not be able to do everything, for example, a job like technician in pyrotechnics is beautiful, making some lights in the darkness, it's fantastic!!!
Good job however
Réponse: Charlotte - correction. de frapedur, postée le 08-05-2007 à 17:45:57 (S | E)
Re bonjour,
Cette fois-ci est la bonne, en fait j'ai compris mon problème, j'apploque un truc mais j'en oublie, ensuite je fais ce que j'ai oublié mais je refais une faute, il faut que je m'améliore là-dessus
Charlotte's job is very attractive but it must be a passion. If you're fascinated by chimps, you want to work with them, it's so logical. She has found a job with chimpanzees, she doesn't work in the zoo but in the forests, in their natural environment, in Africa!!! She observes the animals all the time, when they eat, fight or sleep! It's a fantastic job! Although this work is attractive, we must do a lot of choices, leave our house in England, live in a wooden hut in Tanzania, it's not an easy choice!!!
Presently, I don't know what (
) I want to do later but I would like to work in Information Technology. Computers fascinate me like chimps for Charlotte. It's a very good thing for mankind and it's very useful, a lot of people have one or more computers in their houses. Although a lot of jobs fascinate me but I will not be able to do everything, for example, a job like pyrotechnician is beautiful, making some fireworks in the darkness, it's fantastic!!!Normalement c'est enfin bon, j'ai regardé plusieurs fois!!!!!
Réponse: Charlotte - correction. de jean31, postée le 08-05-2007 à 18:11:22 (S | E)
Décidément...
Aimen7 t'a pourtant dit que but était inutile dans cette phrase : Although a lot of jobs fascinate me (0) I will not be able to do everything, for example, a job like pyrotechnician is beautiful, making some fireworks in the darkness, it's fantastic!
Although introduit déjà l'opposition, la restriction. Inutile d'en rajouter !
A part ça, c'est bon pour moi.
Réponse: Charlotte - correction. de aimen7, postée le 08-05-2007 à 18:21:30 (S | E)
Pour moi aussi c'est ok, peut-être "For the time being, pour le moment" à la place de "Presently", mais bon c'est bien aussi.
Réponse: Charlotte - correction. de marlond, postée le 08-05-2007 à 19:50:38 (S | E)
Premièrement, je corrigerai les fautes qui restent et puis je suggèrerai ce que j’aurais écrit :
She observes the animals all the time, when they eat, fight or sleep!
- ‘they are eating, fighting or sleeping’ – à la forme progressive du present.
Although this work is attractive, we must do a lot of choices, leave our house in England, live in a wooden hut in Tanzania, it's not an easy choice!!!
- C’est toujours ‘to MAKE a choice’, pas ‘to do a choice’
- Je pense que vous avez traduit le mot français ‘on’ par ‘we’, et normalement
ça marche bien, mais ici, non. Il est nécessaire de changer un peu le texte – regardez le mien.
Presently, I don't know what I want to do later but I would like to work in Information Technology. Computers fascinate me like chimps for Charlotte.
- ‘At the moment’ au lieu de ‘presently’
It's a very good thing for mankind and it's very useful, a lot of people have one or more computers in their houses.
- ‘it’ est un peu vague – il faut répéter le mot ‘information technology’ ou mieux, juste ‘IT’ (abréviation pour information technology, et pas le pronom ‘it’).
Although a lot of jobs fascinate me but I will not be able to do everything, for example, a job like pyrotechnician is beautiful, making some fireworks in the darkness, it's fantastic!!!
- Il ne faut pas ‘although’ car vous avez mis ‘but’
- Pas de ‘some’ avant ‘fireworks’.
Regardez votre ponctuation – il y a trop de virgules.
Voici ma version :
While Charlotte’s job would probably be very appealing to many people, it is her passion which makes her do it. She’s fascinated by chimps and so it’s logical that she would want to work with them. She managed to find a job working with these animals in their natural environment in Africa, not in a zoo where they’re locked up in cages. She gets to watch the animals all the time when they’re eating, fighting or just sleeping! It’s a fantastic job for her! Despite her obvious desire to take the job, she had to make many tough decisions: she had to leave her home in England and move to a wooden hut in Tanzania – it wouldn’t be an easy choice for anyone!
At the moment, I’m not sure what I want to do later in life, but I would like to work in IT. Computers fascinate me in the same way that chimps fascinate Charlotte. Computers are very good and useful thing for mankind and almost every house nowadays has at least one computer. I’ve often been attracted by many different jobs, but I know I won’t be able to do them all - I’m really amazed when I see pyrotechnicians create wonderful light shows in the darkness; it’s fantastic, but not a career for me!
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Modifié par willy le 08-05-2007 20:03
Réponse: Charlotte - correction. de frapedur, postée le 08-05-2007 à 19:51:25 (S | E)
BEAUCOUP A VOUS DEUX!!!J'apprendrai par la suite à mieux lire les instructions, aides et consignes, je reviendrai sur ce forum, ne vous inquiétez pas!!
A bientôt!
Réponse: Charlotte - correction. de jean31, postée le 08-05-2007 à 20:56:00 (S | E)
Avec grand plaisir, frapedur.
J'apprécie beaucoup ta persévérance.
INDISPENSABLES : 