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petite aide: lettre de motivation (1)

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petite aide: lettre de motivation
Message de lila_chan posté le 24-12-2007 à 12:45:01 (S | E | F | I)

hello!

j'ai besoin de votre aide^^ pouvez vous me dire ce que vous pensez d'une partie de ma lettre de motivation? (sachant que je veux savoir si cela est compréhensible et s'il n'y a pas de fautes^^)

merci d'avance!

Select an example of a project (professional, during an internship or as part of your studies ...) in which your own initiatives proved to be decisive. Explain how in a few lines.


I am not a hundred percent certain that I was in charge of a decisive project during my work placements because I was inexperienced, but during my training course, as a part of my final exam, I had to carry out a market survey and to give a detailed oral report. I had chosen the Japan fashion market. It was a great experience. I think work in your firm will be a great opportunity for me to improve my knowledge of International business practise and marketing.

Have you ever been involved in a project, in an intercultural or unusual context? Explain the lessons you learnt from this experience.


One of my volunteer works was carried out in a charity “Les Enfants du Jeu” in France which believes in children regardless of their gender, disability, race and nationality. This charity use games to bring out the best in a child.
I was in charge of children from 4 to 7 pm, the rest of the day I was in charge of disabled persons and the repair of the toys.
I enjoyed the contact with children and disabled persons even if it wasn’t always easy, and I enjoyed the atmosphere of the charity. I believe this experience was a success as it allowed me first to realise I need contact with people (of different culture), and secondly to better understand how my actions and initiatives proved to be significant to fulfil children potential. After, I had chosen to continue to work with children: baby sitting and unpaid school children tutoring.


thank you!


Réponse: petite aide: lettre de motivation de tomtom1001, postée le 27-12-2007 à 19:36:43 (S | E)
coucou lila_chan!!!

Select an example of a project (professional, during an internship or as part of your studies ...) in which your own initiatives proved to be decisive. Explain how in a few lines.

I am not a hundred per cent certain (je trouve ça mal dit, essayes de tourner ta phrase autrement!?!) that I was in charge of a decisive project during my work placements because I was inexperienced, but during my training course, as a part of my final exam, I had to carry out a market survey and to give a detailed oral report. I had chosen the Japan fashion market. It was a great experience. I think work (working) in your firm will be a great opportunity for me to improve my knowledge of (j'aurai mis "in"??) International business practise (peut-être rajouté un "s", si il y en a plusieurs!?!) and marketing.

Have you ever been involved in a project, in an intercultural or unusual context? Explain the lessons you learnt from this experience.


One of my volunteer("volontary") works was carried out in ("within") a ("the") charity “Les Enfants du Jeu” in France which believes (je ne comprend pas ce sens???) in children regardless of their gender, disability, race and nationality (their disabilities, races and nationalities...). This charity use(s) games to bring out the best in a child.
I was in charge of children from 4 to 7 pm, the rest of the day I was in charge of disabled persons and the repair of the toys.
I enjoyed the contact with children and disabled persons even if it wasn’t always easy, and I enjoyed the atmosphere of the charity. I believe this experience was a success as it allowed me first to realise I need contact with people (of different culture(s)) and secondly to better understand how my actions and initiatives proved to be significant to fulfil children potential.(je mettrais deux points après "success" puis "firstly... and secondly I really understood...) After, I had chosen to continue to work with children: baby sitting and unpaid school children tutoring.

-en italique: "fulfil" est mal employé, peut-être faudrait-il trouver un autre verbe!!

-Dans le dernier paragraphe, fait attention aux temps que tu emploies, entre le présent et le prétérit (c'est peut-être juste mais fait attention!!!)

-Essayes de varier ton vocabulaire (exemple: 2 fois "enjoy" en 2 lignes)

-J'espère que ça t'auras aidé malgré le fait que je suis français (donc revérifie mes anotations). En tout cas j'ai bien compris ton texte, c'est un bon point, surtout que je ne suis pas bilingue!!! Mais malheureusement, comme je ne suis pas bilingue, certaines fautes ont pu m'échapper, désolé!!!

Bonne fêtes de fin d'année!!!)



Réponse: petite aide: lettre de motivation de lila_chan, postée le 06-01-2008 à 16:53:53 (S | E)
merci beaucoup pour ta réponse, je vais pouvoir retravailler sur ma lettre^^
encore merci


Réponse: petite aide: lettre de motivation de pangly, postée le 09-01-2008 à 16:34:30 (S | E)
Je voudrais également avoir votre avis sur ma lettre de motivation (point de vue grammatical, vocabulaire et avis général sur cette lettre pour un poste à l'étranger):

I have been told that EM Microelectronic Inc is looking for students to conduct some projects of design. I think I am in a good position to apply for this internship.
This internship will allow me to see all aspects of the craft of engineer. I will have the opportunity to put my knowledge into practice. Furthermore, this training period will allow me to acquire more professional experience. I will work within a group from whose experience, knowledge and know-how will come to enrich mine.

I prepare currently a Master diploma specialized in micro and nano electronics.
Through my studies, I gained a solid theoretical knowledge of electronic, Physics of semi-conductors and electronical components and design of microelectronic. I think that the different projects of design (design of an analog-to-digital converter and design of a magnetic sensor) and the internship I did the last year about the design of a Sigma-Delta modulator have prepared me for to work in a company like your.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I would be delighted to attend for
an interview and look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours sincerely,


Merci de votre aide




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