Comme des milliers de personnes, recevez gratuitement chaque semaine << Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas
Devoir maison de terminale ES
Message de cristalia01 posté le 03-02-2008 à 17:58:49 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
J'ai un devoir maison à rendre pous vendredi, je l'ai terminé mais je voudrais savoir si quelqu'un pouvais m'apporter une correction ou me conseiller d'autre tournure de phrase etc...
L'histoire se déroule de nos jours et un vieil homme de 70 ans William, qui vit en Amérique décide, contre l'avis de sa famille de retourner quelques jours dans la ville de son enfance, Blackburn en Angleterre...Le texte décris ensuite les souvenirs qu'il retrouve en roulant dans les rues de cette ville, qui bien evdemment à profondemment changer...
Le sujet est le suivant...
Ecrire une lettre ou william annonce à sa famille qu'il décide de rester en Angleterre...
Voilà donc ma lettre, enfin...celle de William devrais je dire...:-)
"Deat Familly,
First of all, I'm fine, please don't worry about me.
In spide of my seventy years old, I found the travel really short and pleasant.
How can I explain, explain what I felt during all the flight, during the landing more particulary. I felt my heart beating more and more faster n my chest. I wa exiting and anxious at the same time. When I arived in Blackburn, I first had the impression that I wouldn't find anything there, but in fact as soon as I taken up in the taxi, I saw that there were so manu memories in each street of the town. Even if everything is broken or has changed. I remember where my cottage was, i remember the place where we played with my friends, I also remember where all the factory workers worked and what sound they used to make with their clogs when they went back from work. I remeber everything you know...everything.
I'm here since one week now and I've got the impression that I've seen only a tiny part of the town, of my town...of my roots...So even if you will find it crazy, I decided to stay, I don't know how long yet bit I'll keep you informed...Please, just try to understand me...
I took this decision as soon as I saw Griffin street, my childhood street...
I also find a library with archives of Blackburn, I think that I'll go there, I want to learn more about the town, about the events which took place here during this seventy years of absence. I'll maybe find informations about my great grandparents or grandparents...
I plan to go to the villages around Blackburn, i think that it's a beautifful place, really...
Everything here make me happy, make me...alive...I canexplain it,all the words I can writte to explain my feelings are wrong...I need to stay...that's all...
I miss you but I know that I'll see you soon...
From England with all my love...
William..."
Voilà....merci d'avance de m'informer si il y a beaucoup d'erreurs....:-)
Message de cristalia01 posté le 03-02-2008 à 17:58:49 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
J'ai un devoir maison à rendre pous vendredi, je l'ai terminé mais je voudrais savoir si quelqu'un pouvais m'apporter une correction ou me conseiller d'autre tournure de phrase etc...
L'histoire se déroule de nos jours et un vieil homme de 70 ans William, qui vit en Amérique décide, contre l'avis de sa famille de retourner quelques jours dans la ville de son enfance, Blackburn en Angleterre...Le texte décris ensuite les souvenirs qu'il retrouve en roulant dans les rues de cette ville, qui bien evdemment à profondemment changer...
Le sujet est le suivant...
Ecrire une lettre ou william annonce à sa famille qu'il décide de rester en Angleterre...
Voilà donc ma lettre, enfin...celle de William devrais je dire...:-)
"Deat Familly,
First of all, I'm fine, please don't worry about me.
In spide of my seventy years old, I found the travel really short and pleasant.
How can I explain, explain what I felt during all the flight, during the landing more particulary. I felt my heart beating more and more faster n my chest. I wa exiting and anxious at the same time. When I arived in Blackburn, I first had the impression that I wouldn't find anything there, but in fact as soon as I taken up in the taxi, I saw that there were so manu memories in each street of the town. Even if everything is broken or has changed. I remember where my cottage was, i remember the place where we played with my friends, I also remember where all the factory workers worked and what sound they used to make with their clogs when they went back from work. I remeber everything you know...everything.
I'm here since one week now and I've got the impression that I've seen only a tiny part of the town, of my town...of my roots...So even if you will find it crazy, I decided to stay, I don't know how long yet bit I'll keep you informed...Please, just try to understand me...
I took this decision as soon as I saw Griffin street, my childhood street...
I also find a library with archives of Blackburn, I think that I'll go there, I want to learn more about the town, about the events which took place here during this seventy years of absence. I'll maybe find informations about my great grandparents or grandparents...
I plan to go to the villages around Blackburn, i think that it's a beautifful place, really...
Everything here make me happy, make me...alive...I canexplain it,all the words I can writte to explain my feelings are wrong...I need to stay...that's all...
I miss you but I know that I'll see you soon...
From England with all my love...
William..."
Voilà....merci d'avance de m'informer si il y a beaucoup d'erreurs....:-)
Réponse: Devoir maison de terminale ES de mawoubelle, postée le 03-02-2008 à 19:32:44 (S | E)
Salut Cristalia01,
Je me propose de te donner un ptit coup de main pour ton dm...
Je prépare le CAPES pour devenir prof j'ai trouvé ça amusant de 'corriger' ma 1ere copie! lol!
Tu as de superbes idées, ton récit est vraiment intéressant et d'un bon niveau de langue. Toutefois il y a quelques erreurs (dont de frappe, mais je corrige tout comme ça je suis sure!)
Les lettres en MAJUSCULE et les mots en rouges sont ceux que jai corrigés....
Let's go!
deaR family
in spiTe of my 70 years (SANS RIEN APRES)
Deux fois tu as écrit 'explain' séparés par virgule, ça fait un peu 'oral'...
I (tjrs en majuscule) wAS EXCITED
aRRived in B
as soon as I took a taxi
many memories (jsais plus pourquoi je l'ai relevé...)AH oui! j'me souviens! c'était pour la suite de la phrase 'many memories out of every street corner'
the place where we used to play
remembered the sound they used to make [...] went back home (trop de fois le mot work!)
I've been here for 1week now and I feel that I've seen...
how long yet bUt I'll let you know
I also FOUND...
everything makeS me happy, makeS me...
I CANNOT explain it
I can WRITE
Voilà!
pas de fautes graves, vraiment c'est du bon anglais.
Je n'ai pas tout tout corrigé, ton prof aurait un peu tiqué...
Je te souhaite bon courage pour la suite,
tiens moi au courant!
Bye bye
Mawoubelle
Réponse: Devoir maison de terminale ES de cristalia01, postée le 03-02-2008 à 19:37:21 (S | E)
Ecoute je suis fiere d'être ta "premiere copie" alors...:-)
Merci d'avoir pris le temps de lire ce que j'avais fais, la correction est trés claire..bref...tout est parfait...:-)
Bon je vais déjà corriger sa et puis voir si j'ai pas d'autres idées qui germent pendant la nuit...;-)
Merci, merci, merci....:-)
Léa
INDISPENSABLES : 