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Lettre de motivation d'entraînement (1)

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Lettre de motivation d'entraînement
Message de elii-se posté le 21-03-2008 à 20:02:30 (S | E | F)

Voici une lettre de motivation pourriez-vous m'aider dans la correction...

Street xxx
24 xxx street
xx
BSA xx

25th March 2008

Dear Sir or Madam,

I’m XXX, I’m young so I’m 21 and I’m study again to become manager.
I write this letter to asked you if you can take me for the job that you proposed on your advertissment : to work like assistant restaurant manager.
I have some qualifications and I’m very motive to work because I need money to pay my training.
I have a few experience. When I was 18 I had worked in a famous restaurant in Paris : « The plaza Athénée ». I know how work in a restaurant. So I speak currently French.
I could work every day during all the summer including the week end.
I like discussing with people and the contact with all the persons. I like too the pets.
I wait of your answer and maybe a date to meet us.
Thank you beforehand.
Your faithfully,

xxx
Merci Elise.

------------------
Modifié par bridg le 21-03-2008 20:08
Vous avez 15 ans donc j'imagine que c'est un devoir.


Réponse: Lettre de motivation d'entraînement de bridg, postée le 21-03-2008 à 20:32:51 (S | E)
Bonjour.
Juste un premier coup d'oeil, sans regarder la tournure des phrases qui sera aussi à revoir.
A++

I’m XXX, I’m young so I’m 21 and I’m study again to become manager.
1/ En écriture formelle on ne met pas d'abrégé.
2/ Vous donnez votre âge, pourquoi dire en plus que vous êtes jeune?
3/ "I'm study" c'est impossible, il faut revoir la conjugaison.

I write this letter to asked (impossible, "to" demande un infinitif) you if (vous pouvez dire "si.. ou non?" donc c'est un autre mot) you can (il faut du conditionnel) take me for the job that you proposed on your advertissment (orthographe) : to work like ( vous pouvez dire " en tant que" donc ce n'est pas le bon) assistant restaurant manager.
I have some qualifications and I’m very motive ( revoir la conjugaison) to work because I need money c'est un indénombrable donc il manque un petit mot) to pay my training.
I have a few experience. When I was 18 I had worked (c'est passé daté donc revoir la conjugaison) in a famous restaurant in Paris : « The plaza Athénée ». I know how work (non) in a restaurant. So I speak currently French.
I could work (là c'est une affirmation, pas du conditionnel ) every day during all the summer including the week end.
I like discussing with people and the contact with all the persons. I like too the pets ( vous parlez des animaux en général, c'est donc un indénombrable ).
I wait of (ce n'est pas bon, et il y a une formule usuelle pour dire ceci) your answer and maybe a date (si je ne me trompe, "a date" c'est un rendez-vous galant" ) to meet us.
Thank you beforehand. Idem, il y a des formules d'usage pour terminer une lettre formelle.

C'est une première correction, il y en aura d'autres à faire quand vous aurez déjà fait celles-ci.
Bon courage.


Réponse: Lettre de motivation d'entraînement de elii-se, postée le 22-03-2008 à 10:43:01 (S | E)
Merci pour cette première correction!
Voici la re-correction et oui il s'agit bien d'un travail scolaire et non d'une véritable lettre de motivation!

Street Porter Janet
24 Desperate street
Fulham
BSA 58H

25th March 2008

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am Janet Street Porter, I am 21 so I am young and I am studing again to become manager.
I write this letter to ask you if you could take me for the job that you proposed on your advertissement : to work as an assistant restaurant manager.
I have some qualifications and I’m very motiving to work because I need some money to pay my training.
I have a few experience. When I was 18 I had work in a famous restaurant in Paris : « The plaza Athénée ». I know what you work in a restaurant. So I speak currently French.
I can work every day during all the summer including the week end.
I like discussing with people and the contact with all the persons. I like too pets.
I wait for your answer and maybe an appointment to meet us.
Thank you beforehand.
Your faithfully,

Janet Street Porter.


Merci beaucoup Elise.


Réponse: Lettre de motivation d'entraînement de lucile83, postée le 22-03-2008 à 11:34:14 (S | E)
Hello,
Les signalent les fautes.
Street Porter Janet
24 Desperate street
Fulham
BSA 58H

25th March 2008

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am Janet Street Porter, I am 21 so I am young and I am studing again to become..... manager.
I write this letter to ask you if you could take me for the job that you proposed on your advertissement : to work as an assistant restaurant manager.
I have some qualifications and I’m very motiving to work because I need some money to pay my training.
I have a few experience. When I was 18 I had work in a famous restaurant in Paris : « The plaza Athénée ». I know what you work in a restaurantphrase à revoir. So I speak currently French.
I can work every day during all the summer including the week end.
I like discussing with people and the contact with all the persons. I like too pets.
I wait for your answer and maybe an appointment to meet us.
Thank you beforehand.
Your faithfully,

Janet Street Porter.


Réponse: Lettre de motivation d'entraînement de elii-se, postée le 22-03-2008 à 17:02:37 (S | E)
Une nouvelle correction merci déjà énormément!

Les signalent les fautes.
Street Porter Janet
24 Desperate street
Fulham
BSA 58H

25th March 2008

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am Janet Street Porter, I am 21 so I am young and I am study still to become..... manager.
I write this letter to ask you if you could take me for the job that you proposed on your advert: to work as an assistant restaurant manager.
I have some qualifications and I am very motiving to work because I need some money to pay my training.
I have little experience. When I was 18 I had working in a famous restaurant in Paris : « The plaza Athénée ». So, I know work in a restaurant. I speak fluently French.
I can work every day during all the summer including the week end.
I like discussing with people and contact with everybody. I like too pets.
I waiting for your answer and maybe an appointment to meet us.
Thank you beforehand.
Yours faithfully,

Janet Street Porter.

Merci, Elise.


Réponse: Lettre de motivation d'entraînement de elii-se, postée le 22-03-2008 à 20:40:40 (S | E)
J'espère approcher la perfection grâce à vous...

Street Porter Janet
24 Desperate street
Fulham
BSA 58H

25th March 2008

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am 21 so I am young and I am still studying to become a manager.
I am writing this letter to apply of an assistant restaurant manager. You proposed this job in an advertissment on the Dailylewdown.
I have some qualifications and I’m very motivated to work because I need some money to pay for my training.
I have some work experience. When I was 18 I worked in a famous restaurant in Paris : « The plaza Athénée ». So, I know it is like to work in a restaurant. I speak French fluently.
I can work every day during all the summer even at week ends.
I am outgoing and like talking with people. I like pets too.
I am looking forward to hearing from you soon and I am available for an interview at any time.
Thanking you in advance.
Yours faithfully,

Janet Street Porter.

Merci Elise.


Réponse: Lettre de motivation d'entraînement de lucile83, postée le 22-03-2008 à 21:29:06 (S | E)
Hello,
I am 21 so I am young and I am still studying to become a manager.
I am writing this letter to apply of..... an assistant restaurant manager. You proposed this job in an advertissment on the Dailylewdown.
I have some qualifications and I’m very motivated to work because I need some money to pay for my training.
I have some work experience. When I was 18 I worked in a famous restaurant in Paris : « The plaza Athénée ». So, I know.... it is like to work in a restaurant. I speak French fluently. fine!!!you ARE French !
I can work every day during all the summer even at week ends.
I am outgoing??? and like talking with people. I like pets too.
I am looking forward to hearing from you soon and I am available for an interview at any time.
Thanking you in advance.
Yours faithfully,







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