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Correction d'un exposé (1)

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Correction d'un exposé
Message de line62 posté le 15-04-2008 à 22:38:26 (S | E | F)

Bonjour à tous , voila j'ai un exposé à faire pour la rentré.
Le sujet est de présenter un film et de dire en quelques phrases à la fin pourquoi on n'a choisi ce film.
Alors je l'ai fait, j'ai choisi le film " Pearl Harbor"
Si quelqu'un à le temps de me dire ce qui ne va pas, cela serait gentil. Merci pour celui ou celle qui prend du temps à regarder ce que j'ai fait.

The film which I chose is entitled “Pearl Harbor”
The film-maker is Michel Bay.
The film was shoot in 2001 (twenty one) in Hawaii, Los Angeles, San Francisco and Mexico.
He was quoted in three times in Oscars for the best original song with "There You’ll Be", as well as the best visual effects and the best sound
The film gained Oscars of the best assembly sound.
The Mains Actors are: Ben Affleck who play the part of Rafe McCawley , Josh Hartnett who play the part of Danny Walker and Kate Beckinsale who play the part of Evelyn.
It is a dramatic film. The film lasts more than three hours.

Now that I presented you the film, I am going to present you the story.

At the beginning, the scene takes places in Tennessee, a State of the south of United States
Two childrens, Danny and Rafe are best friends.. Rafe is dyslexic and Danny can’t live without Rafe, who is for him as a big brother. They have a common passion for the aviation
Danny likes going to play with Rafe aboard the plane of the Rafe’s father.

Some years later, Danny and Rafe goes into the American Air Force.
They are entitled to a medical examination. Rafe meets then a young nurse of the army.
in hospital: Evelyn.
During the visit medical, a control of seen is obligatory for all the servicemen without exception.
Rafe has a very good sight, unfortunately, he doesn’t know the letters of the alphabet because he is dyslexic. While Danny blows letters in the ear from his friend Rafe, Evelyn the nurse notices it.
But thanks to Rafe’s charm, she signs the paper which allows him to reach the American Air Force. Danny reaches to the American Air Force too. Rafe and Evelyn fall in love each other.
Rafe and Danny become pilot pupils.

All passes well, until Rafe is sent to Europe, to go to fight with the R.A.F.Evelyn is up against the depart from Rafe. But he leaves all the same.
After the goodbyes racking, Danny and Evelyn are transfer to Pear habor, one of the Hawaiian Islands where parks the big of the American fleet.Evelyn and Rafe sends regularly letters.
One day, Danny comes to announce the Rafe’s death to Evelyn….
Three months slip by. Evelyn and Danny who give comfort mutually, fall in love.
Some time later, Evelyn falls pregnant of Danny.

At the surprise of all, Rafe reappears. He hadn’t died. Danny and Evelyn jump for joy but the relationship which they maintain goes fast degenerate in explanations and fights between Danny and Rafe.
In the morning of December 7th, 1945, after reconciliation Danny and Rafe see appearing some hundreds of plane’s Japanese attacking Pearl Harbor's American base. Evelyn goes to the hospital to help. The bombardment makes of enormous damages, all the fleet founder. Hurts arrive in multitude in hospital who is shell too. Danny and Rafe are called in secret mission to go to Tokio, bombard their turn
The bomber of Danny and Rafe crash in China. Danny sacrifices for saving Rafe of a slug ’s Japnese. Rafe return in Tennessee in near Evelyn.They recover together and rear her child whom she had with Danny.


According to me, the film is the best,
Because the story is touching and moving.
The scenes of bombardments are magnificent.
There are nice music all during the film
And the story is pulled by a real fact
Personally, I love this film, he moved a lot me, and I do not grow tired of seeing again and again
------------------
Modifié par bridg le 16-04-2008 06:37
changement de forum


Réponse: Correction d'un exposé de emilied, postée le 16-04-2008 à 14:21:26 (S | E)

Voici une correction sûrement incomplète:


The film which I chose is entitled "Pearl Harbor"
The film-maker is Michel Bay.
The film was shoot in 2001 (twenty one) in Hawaii, Los Angeles, San Francisco and Mexico.
He was quoted in three times in Oscars for the best original song with "There You'll Be", as well as the best visual effects and the best sound
The film gained Oscars of the best assembly sound.
The Mains Actors are: Ben Affleck who plays the part of Rafe McCawley , Josh Hartnett who plays the part of Danny Walker and Kate Beckinsale who plays the part of Evelyn.
It is a dramatic film. The film lasts more than three hours.

(Now that I presented you the film, I am going to present you the story.)Now I'd like to talk about the story.

At the beginning, the scene takes places in Tennessee, a State to the south of United States
Two childrens, Danny and Rafe are best friends.. Rafe is dyslexic and Danny can't live without Rafe, who is for him as a big brother. They have a common passion for the aviation.
Danny likes going to play with Rafe aboard the plane of the Rafe's father.

Some years later, Danny and Rafe goes into the American Air Force.
They are entitled to a medical examination. Then Rafe meets a young nurse of the army.
in hospital: Evelyn.
During the visit medical, a sight control is obligatory for all the servicemen without exception.
Rafe has a very good sight, unfortunately, he doesn't know the letters of the alphabet because he is dyslexic. While Danny blows letters in the ear from his friend Rafe, Evelyn the nurse notices it.
But thanks to Rafe's charm, she signs the paper which allows him to reach the American Air Force. Danny reaches to the American Air Force too. Rafe and Evelyn fall in love each other.
Rafe and Danny become pilot .
All passes well, until Rafe is transfer to Europe, to go to fight with the R.A.F.Evelyn is up against the depart from Rafe. But he just leaves ahead.


After the goodbyes racking, Danny and Evelyn are transfered to Pear habor, one of the Hawaiian Islands where stay the bluck of the American fleet.Evelyn and Rafe sends regularly letters.
One day, Danny comes to announce the Rafe's death to Evelyn....
Three months later, Evelyn and Danny who give comfort mutually, fall in love.
Some time later, Evelyn falls pregnant of Danny.

At the surprise of all, Rafe reappears. He hadn't died. Danny and Evelyn jump for joy but the relationship which they maintain goes fast degenerate in explanations and fights between Danny and Rafe.
In the morning of December 7th, 1945, after reconciliation Danny and Rafe see appearing some hundreds of plane's Japanese attacking Pearl Harbor's American base. Evelyn goes to the hospital to help. The bombardment makes of enormous damages, all the fleet founder? (que veux tu dire). Hurts arrive in multitude in hospital who is shell too.(confus)


Danny and Rafe are called in secret mission to go to Tokio, bombard their turn
The bomber of Danny and Rafe crash in China. Danny sacrifices for saving Rafe of a slug 's Japnese. Rafe return in Tennessee in near Evelyn.They recover together and rear her child whom she had with Danny.


According to me, the film is the best,
Because the story is touching and moving.
The scenes of bombardments are magnificent.
There are nice music all during the film
And the story is inspired by a real fact
Personally, I love this film, he moved me a lot, and I don't tire seeing it again and again.


J'espère que cela pourat t'aider^^




Réponse: Correction d'un exposé de line62, postée le 16-04-2008 à 21:00:05 (S | E)


Merci beaucoup pour avoir corriger


- The bombardment makes of enormous damages, all the fleet founder? (que veux tu dire).
Je voulais dire, le bombardement à fait beaucoup de dégâts, toute la flotte à coulé.

Par contre je ne comprend pas cette phrase :
I don't tire seeing it again and again.
Qu'elle est la traduction de "tire" ?


Réponse: Correction d'un exposé de jellybean, postée le 18-04-2008 à 00:52:14 (S | E)
The film which I chose is entitled "Pearl Harbor"
The film-maker is Michel Bay.
The film was shot in 2001 (two thousand and one) in Hawaii, Los Angeles, San Francisco and Mexico.
It was nominated for three Oscars for the best original song with "There You'll Be", as well as for best visual effects and for best sound
The film won an Oscar for the best sound track. The Main_ Actors are: Ben Affleck who plays the part of Rafe McCawley , Josh Hartnett who plays the part of Danny Walker and Kate Beckinsale who plays the part of Evelyn.
It is a dramatic film. The film lasts more than three hours.

(Now that I have presented you the film, I am going to present you the story.)Now I'd like to talk about the story.

At the beginning, the scene takes places in Tennessee, a State to the south of United States
Two children,Danny and Rafe are best friends.. Rafe is dyslexic and Danny can't live without Rafe, who is like a big brother to him. They have a common passion for aviation.

Danny likes going to play with Rafe aboard Rafe’s father’s plane.

Some years later, Danny and Rafe go into the American Air Force.
They must have a medical examination. Then Rafe meets a young army nurse in the hospital: Evelyn.

During the medical visit, a sight control is obligatory for all the servicemen without exception.
Rafe has very good sight, unfortunately, he doesn't know the letters of the alphabet because he is dyslexic. When Danny whispers the letters in the ear of his friend Rafe, Evelyn the nurse notices it.
But thanks to Rafe's charm, she signs the paper which allows him to reach the American Air Force. Danny is accepted by the American Air Force too. Rafe and Evelyn fall in love with each other.
Rafe and Danny become pilots .
All passes well, until Rafe is transfered to Europe, to go to fight with the R.A.F.Evelyn is up against the depart from Rafe. But he just leaves ahead.

(je ne comprends pas ce que tu veut dire ici) Je propose : Evelyn is against him going, but Rafe decides to go anyway.
After the sad goodbyes, Danny and Evelyn are transfered to Pearl Harbor, one of the Hawaiian Islands where the bulk of the American fleet is kept. Evelyn and Rafe regularly send letters to each other.
One day, Danny comes to announce Rafe's death to Evelyn....
Three months later, Evelyn and Danny who give each other mutual comfort, fall in love.
Some time later, Evelyn falls pregnant with Danny’s child

Suddenly,there is a surprise: Rafe reappears. He hadn't died. Danny and Evelyn jump for joy but the relationship which they had quickly degenerates in explanations and fights between Danny and Rafe.
In the morning of December 7th, 1945, after a reconciliation Danny and Rafe see hundreds of Japanese planes attacking Pearl Harbor's American base. Evelyn goes to the hospital to help. The bombardment causes enormous damage, to the whole fleet. Hundreds of wounded arrive in the hospital which is also shelled.

Danny and Rafe are called to go on a secret mission to bombard Tokyo.
Danny and Rafe’s plane crashes in China. Danny sacrifices himself to save Rafe from ????? Rafe returns to Tennessee to be with Evelyn.They recover together and rear her child whom she had with Danny.

In my opinion, the film is the best,
Because the story is touching and moving.
The scenes of bombardments are magnificent.
There is nice music throughout the film
And the story is inspired by a real event.
Personally, I love this film, it moved me a lot, and I don't tire seeing it again and again.

Hope this helps! Speak slowly when you do your presentation. Good luck!





Réponse: Correction d'un exposé de stephenh, postée le 18-04-2008 à 11:14:10 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Maintenant vous avez un bon exposé, il faut le déchirer!!

Pourquoi? Si vous lisez d'un texte le voix est un monotone et il manque un certain vitalité.

Pour un mieux exposé, faites des notes sur les informations,le vocabulaire neuf et peut-être des phrase difficile. Travaillez sur le présentation avec ses notes. Ne avez pas peur d'hésitations ces sont normales.

C'est difficile je sais, mais il perfectionnera votre anglais comme rien autre.

Bon courage




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