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Correction de redaction pour mon oral (1)

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Correction de redaction pour mon oral
Message de esmax666 posté le 16-04-2008 à 15:31:41 (S | E | F)

Hello tout le monde!
Je viens bientôt passer un oral d'anglais et j'ai préparer quelques questions,thème. Pourriez vous regarder si il y a de grosses fautes?

Merci




Ou vous voyez vous dans 10ans ?
I followed a training course in a little firm in a research office, it was very interesting and rewarding. That’s why I would like to find the same king of job. I would like to find a job where I work in a team and where I can use my scientific knowledge to solve practical problems.
At the moment, I would like to work as automation Engineer but I would have the possibility to change for another field like electrical engineer. I’m interested in managing or working with a team and I will be really happy to work in a big firm in which I can evolve. The job of engineer continually change
I will be really happy to live in a little town near Strasbourg
Sometimes I would like to go to England in order to see how they work because they have other method of working. In this way I could improve my English and develop my technical vocabulary. Moreover I never went in this country and there are many places of interest to visit. It would be an interesting experience for me and I will add it on my CV.



Jeuxvideo

It’s practical, when there is a bad weather, you can play video game at home. Moreover you can play football without get in wet.
It is very fun to play after a hard working day, and it allows you to de-emphasize. There are new consoles like the Wii which you can play with 3 another players in the same game, it is very convivial.
In another side it is expensive, a console without video game cost between 250 and 600€. You must add 60€ for a game and 30 or 60€ for a second joystick
Futhermore you can become overweight and maybe obese because videogames contribute to people inactive lifestyle. It is dangerous for some people because videogames can cause epilepsy’s crisis and I saw in a television report that players spend long hours in front of television and can’t stop it at expense (au depand) of study and family life.



What is an engineer for you?

An engineer is a person who uses scientific knowledge. It is a person who can work alone or in a team. He is intelligent and talented.
During his career, the job of the engineer can evolve from foreman (chef d atelier), to a director of a manufacturing unit, or to a person in charge for training. The engineer can occupy all the posts requiring at the same time responsibility and technical skills (competence)
Qualified in a given field, for example in electrical or in mechanics, the engineer should be able to adapt with other kind of firms.
New manufacturing processes required more and more concepts and techniques resulting from different disciplinaries .(il manque un mot de transition) Engineers must be able to learn because they are new technologies every day.
That’s why I would like to become an engineer. At the moment, I would like to work as automation Engineer but I would have the possibility to change for another field like electrical engineer. I’m interested in managing or working with a team and I will be really happy to work in a big firm in which I can evolve. The job of engineer continually change





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Modifié par esmax666 le 16-04-2008 23:37


Réponse: Correction de redaction pour mon oral de joey93, postée le 18-04-2008 à 17:44:30 (S | E)
"I would like to find a job where I can work in a team and use my...." ça évite la répétition de "I would like"."For the moment,I would rather work..." "would rather" est un synonyme de "would like".
.....and I will be overhelmed with joy (= être au comble de la joie,cette formule "passe un peu mieux" à l'oral). to work...
The job of engineer continually changeS
I will be glad (= happy) to live....
they have other working methods
moreover I have never been...and there're many places which seem to be interesting to visit. It would be a great (évite la répétition de "interesting)....
you can play video gameS; "without" est toujours suivi de la base verbale + ing, donc "without getting..."
...with 3 others players....a console without video games costS
I saw on television a report where players... and can't stop watching it...of studies ....
....scientific knowledgeS....responsabilities (au pluriel)....
New manufacturing...require (emploi du présent simple au lieu du prétérit).
Mot de transition : However (cependant)...THERE ARE ("they" s'emploi pour se référer à des personnes) new technologies...
for the moment...
j'espère t'avoir aidé.joey93




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