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Rédaction - Emploi (correction) (1)

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Rédaction - Emploi (correction)
Message de esmax666 posté le 18-04-2008 à 17:04:58 (S | E | F)

Hello tout le monde
Alors voila je me suis préparé une rédaction type où je dois montrer que je suis capable de travailler en autonomie, sous pression, et que je suis disponible a voyager... Pourriez vous me dire les grosses fautes? Auriez vous ajouté d'autre phrases? Merci

I believe that I should be able to adapt quickly and rapidly get up to speed with a new project. You will note from my CV that I have some experiences with electrical and energy sector. I have worked in a drawing office where I realized electrical diagrams and where I have automated a station of purgation with controllers. Moreover I am conversant with “See electrical” and “Ecodial”. In the beginning it was very difficult but
I can quickly adapt me in a team. Moreover as it was for me a enjoy sector, I was really motivated so easily to adapt me. If I have a problem, I don’t hesitate to ask somebody a helping hand. In my last training period at Siemens I must work under pressure because customers ask too much in little time. That’s why I must be well organized and efficiency. After 2 months I was more self-confident and dependable because I was skilled in my sector. It’s was a really good challenge for me. I was accommodated for this job and my boss leave me work in total independence. I’m interested in managing or working with a team and I will be really happy to work in your firm in which I can evolve and uses my technical skills.
Sometimes I would like to go to England in order to see how they work because they have other method of working. In this way I could improve my English and develop my technical vocabulary. Moreover I never went in this country and there are many places of interest to visit. It would be an interesting experience for me and I will add it on my CV.
------------------
Modifié par bridg le 18-04-2008 17:17
titre


Réponse: Rédaction - Emploi (correction) de polytechnique, postée le 18-04-2008 à 22:01:12 (S | E)
I believe that I should be able to adapt quickly and rapidly get up to speed with a new project que veux tu dire???. You will note from my CV that I have some experiences with electrical and energy sector. I have worked in a drawing office where I realized electrical diagrams and where I have automated a station of purgation with controllers. Moreover I am conversant with “See electrical” and “Ecodial”. In At the beginning it was very difficult but
I can quickly adapt me in a team. Moreover as it was for me an enjoy interesting sector, I was really motivated so easily to adapt me so, the adaptation was easy. If I have had a problem, I don’t wouldn't hesitate to ask somebody a helping hand to help me. In my last training period at Siemens I must had to work under pressure because customers ask required too much in little a few time . That’s why I must had to be (well) organized and efficiency. After 2 months I was more self-confident and dependable because I was skilled in my sector. It’s was a really good challenge for me. I was accommodated for this job and my boss leave left me work in a total independence. I’m interested in managing or working with a team and I will be really happy to work in your firm in which where I can will be able to evolve and uses my technical skills.
Sometimes I would like to go to England in order to see how they work because they have another method of working. In this way I could improve my English and develop my technical vocabulary. Moreover I have never been went in to this country and there are many interesting places of interest to visit. It would be an interesting experience for me and I will add it on my CV.

voilà par contre je sais pas trop ce que tu dois rajouter j ai pas tellement l habitude d écrire ce genre de textes.
pour la correction, j ai fait ce que j ai pu, je pense que c est assez fiable
bon courage!



Réponse: Rédaction - Emploi (correction) de stephenh, postée le 19-04-2008 à 17:02:22 (S | E)
Bonjour

J'ai corriger votre lettre mais il y a des choses je n'ai pas compris comme qu'est-ce que c'est une station de purgation!

I believe that I should be able to adapt quickly and rapidly get up to speed with a new project. You will note from my CV that I have some experiences within the electrical and energy sector. I have worked in a drawing office where I realized electrical diagrams and where I have automated a station of purgation with controllers. Moreover I am conversant with “See electrical” and “Ecodial”. InAt the beginning it was very difficult but
I can quickly adapt meyself to in a team. Moreover as it was for me a enjoy sectorI found it enjoyable work, I was really motivated so it was easy for meeasily to adapt me. If I have a problem, I don’t hesitate to ask somebody for a helping hand. In my last training period at Siemens I must had to work under pressure because the customers asked for too much in little a short time. That’s why I musthad to be well organized and efficientcy. After 2 months I was more self-confident and dependable because I was skilled in my sector. It’s was a really good challenge for me. I was accommodated Qu'est-ce que vous voulez dire ici? vous avez un logementfor this job and my boss leaveleft me to work in total independence. I’m interested in managing or working with a team and I will be really happy to work in your firm in which I can evolve and uses my technical skills.
Sometimes I would like to go to England in order to see how they work because they have other methods of working. In this way I couldcan improve my English and develop my technical vocabulary. Moreover I have never beenwent into this country and there are many places of interest to visit. It would be an interesting experience for me and itI will add it on to my CV.



Réponse: Rédaction - Emploi (correction) de esmax666, postée le 20-04-2008 à 17:02:34 (S | E)
Qu'est-ce que vous voulez dire ici? vous avez un logement

En réalité je voulais dire que je m'étais habitué lol


I couldcan improve
Pourquoi le temps était faux?


Réponse: Rédaction - Emploi (correction) de polytechnique, postée le 20-04-2008 à 17:24:54 (S | E)
oui je l ai oubliée cette faute...pourquoi mettre could alors que ce n'est pas déjà fait? Je pouvais améliorer mon anglais ou je pourrai améliorer mon anglais?
voilà voilà
j espère que je suis claire!


Réponse: Rédaction - Emploi (correction) de egmonde, postée le 20-04-2008 à 20:32:24 (S | E)
I would like to go to England in order to see how people work and compare their methods of working with ours. In this way I couldcan improve my English and develop my technical vocabulary.
"They" est bizarre parce que vous dites "England" mais pas "the English" même si on se doute que c'est d'eux dont vous parlez.




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