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Correction Redaction - Voyage (1)

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Correction Redaction - Voyage
Message de esmax666 posté le 20-04-2008 à 16:56:48 (S | E | F)

Hello
Je viens de rediger un texte et je voulais savoir ce vous en pensiez
Merci

Voyage à l etranger?
Last summer I had not enough time to go on holiday because I had work. That’s why next year I would like to go to England on a language course. I would like to stay in a family in order to be immerged in the English language, to know their traditions. I hope to find a job in order to develop my technical vocabulary and to finance my travel. English don’t work like French, they have other method of working. It’s very important for an engineer to work abroad because that’s show we are able to move for a meeting in another country.
Moreover I have never been to this country and there are many places of interest to visit. It would be an interesting experience for me and I will add it on my CV.



Ville

I am originally from the east part of France, from a little city called XXX. It's between two beautifull cities, Starsbourg and MEtz. I often go to strasbourg because I like the architecture and you can see storks (cigogne). You can eat sauerkraut with meat and sausages. If you like white wine, you will be really happy in Strasbourg because they product delicious Alsatian wine like Riesling. You can go at the monkey’s mountain, where we can do a ballade and feed monkeys with popcorn. After that, you can visit the eagle park that is very impressive!
In Strasbourg’s old town,There are the cathedral and many shops and a big shopping centre in Strasbourg.
In December, there is the biggest Christmas market from France.
You can go to Sarrebruck in Germany, it’s near Strasbourg. You can find a lot of sausages like curry wurst.
If you lost your way, you can call to somebody for help because they are very friendly



Merci pour vos réponses




Réponse: Correction Redaction - Voyage de kathryn, postée le 20-04-2008 à 17:33:40 (S | E)
Voyage à l etranger?
Last summer I had not did not have enough time to go on holiday because I had to work. That’s why next year I would like to go to England on a to take a language course. I would like to stay in a (avec une, pas dans) family in order to be immerged (on dit "immersed) in the English language, and to know their traditions. I hope to find a job in order to develop my technical vocabulary and to finance my travel. English don’t does not work like French. they have other method of working. It has different grammatical rules. It’s very important for an engineer to work abroad because that’s show (we are able to move for a meeting in another country.) Je ne sais pas ce que vous voulez dire ici. Moreover I have never been to this country and there are many places of interest to visit. It would be an interesting (vous avez déjà utilized "interest", choisissez un autre adjectif) experience for me and I will add it on my CV.



Ville

I am originally from the east part of France, from a little city called XXX. It's between two beautifull cities, Starsbourg and Metz. I often go to strasbourg because I like the architecture, and you can see storks (cigogne). You can eat sauerkraut with meat and sausages. If you like white wine, you will be really happy in Strasbourg because they producte delicious Alsatian wine like Riesling. You can go at to the monkey’s mountain (majuscule), where we (ne changez pas le pronom au milieu d'une phrase) can do a ballade (je ne connais pas ce mot, vous voulez dire "randonner?" and feed popcorn to the monkeys. After that, you can visit eagle park (maguscule) that is very impressive!
In Strasbourg’s old town, There (miniscule) are (troisième singulier) the cathedral and there are many shops and a big shopping centre in Strasbourg. In December, there is the biggest Christmas market from in France.
You can also go to Sarrebruck in Germany, it’s which is near Strasbourg. You can find a lot of sausages like curry wurst.
If you lost (utilisez le présent) your way, you can call to somebody for help because they are very friendly.

Bien fait, mais vous n'avez pas de conclusion.




Réponse: Correction Redaction - Voyage de polytechnique, postée le 20-04-2008 à 17:39:16 (S | E)
Last summer I had not enough time to go on holiday because I had (to) work. That’s why next year I would like to go to England on a language course. I would like to stay in a family in order to be immerged in the English language, to know their traditions. I hope to find a job in order to develop my technical vocabulary and to finance my travel. English people don’t work like French people, they have another method of working. It’s very important for an engineer to work abroad because that shows we are able to move for a meeting in another country.
Moreover I have never been to this country and there are many interesting places to visit. It would be an interesting experience for me and I will add it on my CV.



Ville

I am originally from the east part of France, from a little city called XXX. It's between two beautifull cities, Starsbourg and MEtz. I often go to strasbourg because I like the architecture and you can see storks (cigogne). You can eat sauerkraut with meat and sausages. If you like white wine, you will be really happy in Strasbourg because they product delicious Alsatian wine like Riesling. You can go at the monkey’s mountain, where we can do a ballade (je remplacerai plutôt par "take a walk")and feed the monkeys with popcorn . After that, you can visit the eagle park which is very impressive!
In Strasbourg’s old town,There is the cathedral and many shops and a big shopping centre in Strasbourg.
In December, there is the biggest Christmas market of France.
You can go to Sarrebruck in Germany, it’s near Strasbourg. You can find a lot of sausages like curry wurst.
If you have lost your way, you can call to somebody for help because they are very friendly.




Réponse: Correction Redaction - Voyage de esmax666, postée le 20-04-2008 à 23:01:13 (S | E)
merci pour vos reponses
where we can do a ballade <- je vais le remplacer par "where we can take a walk"

Pour la derniere phrase je dois mettre ou pas le to ?
you can call to somebody ou you can call somebody?


Merci et bonne soiree !


Réponse: Correction Redaction - Voyage de kathryn, postée le 21-04-2008 à 01:07:34 (S | E)
You call somebody on the phone, or you can call out to somebody, c'est à dire "crier"


Réponse: Correction Redaction - Voyage de esmax666, postée le 21-04-2008 à 01:16:33 (S | E)
oula merci pour la remarque...
Sinon je peux egalement dire "of France" ou "in France" alors?


we are able to move for a meeting in another country.) Je ne sais pas ce que vous voulez dire ici
Ici je voulais dire que l'on peut montrer que l'on est disponibles à voyager pour une réunion


Réponse: Correction Redaction - Voyage de polytechnique, postée le 21-04-2008 à 17:21:05 (S | E)
Je pense que les deux se disent:
in France: en France
of France: de France




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