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aide correction texte
Message de pepsi posté le 17-05-2008 à 22:53:01 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pouvez-vous m'aidez a cooriger mes erreurs svp:
Autumn was a woman who was assassinated with scissors in Los Angeles in this flat. It was an actriz who played in a lot of films especially in a thriller. Before her death, she was disputed with Tony who was a husband, but Tony leave the flat. After Autumn slamming doors and throwing krekable objects against the walls. Then there was a person who vists Autumn but the neighbors couldn't say whetter the visitor was a man or a woman. And Tony returned in a flat and phoned police when he seen corpse. There aren't witness for the murder but the investigate give a lot of clues. Thus there are four suspects. The clues wath that the sister of Autumn, Paula Goddboy, was the murderess.
Merci d'avance!
Message de pepsi posté le 17-05-2008 à 22:53:01 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pouvez-vous m'aidez a cooriger mes erreurs svp:
Autumn was a woman who was assassinated with scissors in Los Angeles in this flat. It was an actriz who played in a lot of films especially in a thriller. Before her death, she was disputed with Tony who was a husband, but Tony leave the flat. After Autumn slamming doors and throwing krekable objects against the walls. Then there was a person who vists Autumn but the neighbors couldn't say whetter the visitor was a man or a woman. And Tony returned in a flat and phoned police when he seen corpse. There aren't witness for the murder but the investigate give a lot of clues. Thus there are four suspects. The clues wath that the sister of Autumn, Paula Goddboy, was the murderess.
Merci d'avance!
Réponse: aide correction texte de denia57, postée le 18-05-2008 à 00:01:57 (S | E)
Bonjour
Autumn was a woman who was assassinated (past perfect pour la concordance des temps) with scissors in Los Angeles in this flat.
It (attention sujet = "Autumn")was an actriz (faute d'orthographe) who played
Before her death, she was disputed ( problème de vocabulaire) with Tony who was a (= son mari ou un mari?)husband, but Tony leave (problème de temps, à mettre au preterit)the flat.
After Autumn slamming (au preterit) the doors and throwing (au preterit) krekable objects against the walls.
Then
And (peux-tu mettre un autre mot de liaison?) Tony returned (+ préposition) in a (ce n'est pas n'importe quel appartement mais celui de Autumn)flat and phoned police when he seen (au preterit, là il est au participe passé) XXX (manque un déterminant) corpse.
There aren't witness (si tu mets "are" donc le nom qui suit est au pluriel) for the murder but the investigate (problème lexique) give (3eme personne su singulier = S) a lot of clues.
Thus there are four suspects. The clues wath (que veux-tu dire?) that the sister of Autumn (pas faux mais tu peux en faire un génitif avec le 's), Paula Goddboy, was the murderess.
Propose-moi ta correction...
Réponse: aide correction texte de hoger, postée le 18-05-2008 à 09:42:42 (S | E)
Quelques petites remarques sur les corrections de denia57 :
- «… who played
ina lot of films …»
1. pour moi le "in" est bon, pas besoin de le barrer
2. il faudra peut-être mettre "played" au past perfect ( ± plus-que-parfait ) puisque le texte est au passé, mais son travail en tant qu'actrice date d'avant sa mort - «… Then
there wasa person who vists …»
si on supprime le "there was" ( et moi aussi je le supprimerais !), alors il ne faut pas oublier de supprimer "who" aussi ( et puis changer la forme du verbe évidemment, comme denia57 l'a déjà suggéré ) - «… There aren't witness …»
il faut donc mettre "witness" au pluriel comme l'a dit denia57, mais il faut aussi penser à un petit truc du genre "some" ou "any" pour mettre devant …
Réponse: aide correction texte de pepsi, postée le 18-05-2008 à 10:25:34 (S | E)
Merci
Voici ma correction:
Autumn was a woman who had assassinated with scissors in Los Angeles in this flat.
Autumn was an actress who played in a lot of films especially in a thriller.
Before her death, she was disputed ( problème de vocabulaire?) with Tony who was her (= son mari)husband, but Tony left the flat.
After Autumn slamed (au preterit) the doors and throwed(au preterit) krekable objects against the walls.
Then there is had a person who with returned visit has Autumn but the neighbors couldn't say wheter the visitor was a man or a woman.
To finish Tony returned (+ preposition? ) in her flat and phoned police when he saw the corpse.
There aren't any witnesses for the murder but the investigation gives a lot of clues.
Thus there are four suspects. The clues shows (montre) that the sister of Autumn Paula Goddboy, was the murderess.
J'ai pas tout trouvé!
Réponse: aide correction texte de denia57, postée le 18-05-2008 à 17:11:46 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Autumn was a woman who had been (effectivement j'avais dit past perfect mais il faut qu'elle soit à la forme passive) assassinated with scissors in Los Angeles in this flat.
Autumn was an actress who played in a lot of films especially in a thriller (j'aurais mit le nom du thriller pour qu'il n'ai pas de confusion car on a l'impression à la lecture qu'elle joue dans DES thriller (et on dirait donc "especially in thrillers") mais toi tu parles bel et bien d'un de ses thriller: si tu n'as pas le titre, la phrase n'est pas fausse).
Before her death, she was disputed ( problème de vocabulaire?: "dispute" a plusieurs sens, et cela ne sonne pas très anglais: j''aurais plutôt dit "she had an argument") with Tony who was her (= son mari =ok!)husband, but Tony left the flat.
Afterwards Autumn slammed (au preterit) the doors and throwed(au preterit= verbe irrégulier donc "threw") krekable (au fait, que signifie ce mot?)objects against the walls.
Then
To finish (signifie "pour finir", on dira plutôt "In the end") Tony returned (+ preposition?= to return to )
There aren't (pourquoi est-ce qu'on est repassé au présent dans les phrases qui suivent? j'aurais continué au preterit vu qu'on a commencé avec ce temps, mais c'est toi qui voit) any witness
Thus there are four suspects. The clues show
Réponse: aide correction texte de pepsi, postée le 18-05-2008 à 17:17:53 (S | E)
Merci!
c'est pas "krekable" mais "breakable" je me suis trompé.
Réponse: aide correction texte de denia57, postée le 18-05-2008 à 17:21:39 (S | E)
S'il y a des corrections que tu n'as pas comprises, n'hésite pas à demander.
By the way, your short story was quite interesting....
Réponse: aide correction texte de pepsi, postée le 18-05-2008 à 18:07:42 (S | E)
There hadn't for the murder but the investigation gived a lot of clues.
Thus there had four suspects. The clues shows that Autumn's sister ,Paula Goddboy, was the murderess.
Je pense que c'est mieux de mettre au passé (merci du conseil!
)Autumn was a woman who had assassinated with scissors in Los Angeles in her (c'est mieux que "this" non?) flat
INDISPENSABLES : 