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Je ne me passe pas de/correction (1)

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Je ne me passe pas de/correction
Message de kyllit posté le 04-03-2009 à 11:30:16 (S | E | F)

Bonjour à tous ! je dois rendre un essai d'anglais
Le sujet : trouver trois choses modernes dont vous pouvez vous en passer.

Est-ce que quelqu'un pourrait corriger mon essai avant que je le rende ? merci d'avance !!

We are now in the twenty first century, the modern times, wich the development is very rapid in every field : communication, transport, technology, medicine… During years, people’s lifestyle changed with the evolution, that’s why we don’t live the same way like the old generations. Those new technologies make our life easier and comfortable but some of them could bring us disadvantages or danger. Most of all, we could easily become addicted to it and turn into a slave of modern topics. The proof of it is that I made a long time of reflection to find three modern things wich I could live without it.

The first one is mobile, which majority of people couldn’t part with it. Since a few years, mobile phone developped very quickly, and nowadays had all kinds of functions : camera, mp3, internet, GPS… it’s fashion for young people and handy for older person. But most of them don’t know the danger of radiations, which destroy the cells in our body, and cause cancers and all kind of disease. Nevertheless some warned people prefer take the risk because it seems very important for them, they are not independent. But I could live without mobile, because it’s uninteresting for me and I know its danger so I don’t need it. For me, the mobile is only a way of communation, and the rest of the functions aren’t perfect like the machine specialized in its function. So for taking photos, I prefer a camera (which has much pixels); watching videos, something with a broader screen… Mobile phone is not useful at school and I could receive my friend’s call at home with the fixed phone.

The second one is car, the most used means of transport and we know that driving in a city is a nightmare for every driver. But if you analyze the trajectory of your displacement, you will find other way to go to this place : subway are very pratical, there is a station in every kilometer, so you just have to walk a little bit from the exit when you arrive, to reach your destination. By this way, you will avoid traffic jam and earn some times, do sports (walking is very good for health), and not pollute the atmoshpere by using your car. Every day, I go to the subway station by bicycle (10 minutes), then I take the subway until the nearest destination to my school (20 minutes). By taking this way, it takes me less than 30 minutes to get at school whereas it will cost me more times if I take car.

The third one is snacks and beverages, for people who loves niblle between meals. There is a hundreds of company and a thousands of product in shops, which the price is not expensive : chips, cookies, cakes, pie, coke, sprite… and consumer start to get used to eat it when they want. But when you eat something before, you couldn’t eat normally the meal, and those snacks and beverages are not rich in vitamin because they especially contain sugar, fat or oil. So in the long term, there will be a food imbalance and will cause some problem, especially in children growth. To my personal experience, I often take a lot of weight during holidays at home, because I don’t even realize that I eat a lot of snacks and beverages when I’m getting bored. So I tried to pay attention of it and I could perfectly restrain myself.

So nowadays, it’s very difficult to live without new technologies even if it’s dangerous for our health. I think I couldn’t survive alone in a jungle or a wild places because I’m already get used to be served by those modern things. Our lifestyle is changing and we become more and more obsess of modernity, and most of all, we are losing our capacity.


-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 04-03-2009 12:05


Réponse: Je ne me passe pas de/correction de hugotachini, postée le 04-03-2009 à 15:47:13 (S | E)
We are now in the twenty first century, the modern times, wichwhere the development is very rapid in every field : communication, transports, technologyies, medicine… During years, people’s lifestyle changed with the evolution, that’s why we don't live the same way like the old generations. Those new technologies make our lifelives easier and comfortable but some of them could bring us disadvantages or dangerdifficulties or/and dangers to us. Most of all, we could easily become addicted to it and turn into a slave of modern topics. The proof of it is that I made a long time of reflection to find three modern things wich I could live without itwich I couldn't live with..

The first one is mobile telephones, which majority most of people couldn’t wouldn't part with it. Since a few years, mobile phones developped very quickly, and nowadays hadve all kinds of functions : camera, mp3, internet, GPS… it’s fashion for young people and handy for older person. But most of them don’t know the danger of radiations, which destroy the cells in our body, and causes cancers and all kind of diseases. Nevertheless some warned people prefer take the risk because it seems very important for them, they are not independent. But personally I could live without mobile phones, because it’s uninteresting for me and I know its danger so I don’t need it. For me, the mobile is only a way of communication, and the rest of the functions aren’t perfect like the machine specialized in its functionlike specialized machines who are specified for some functions. So for taking photos, I prefer a camera (which has much pixels); watching videos, something with a broader screen… Mobile phone is not useful at school and I could receive my friend’s call at home with the fixed phone.

The second one is car, the most used means of transport and we know that driving in a city is a nightmare for every driver. But if you analyze the trajectory of your displacement, you will find other way to go to this place : subway are very pratical, there is a station in every kilometer, so you just have to walk a little bit from the exit when you arrive, to reach your destination. By this way, you will avoid traffic jam and earn some times, do sports (walking is very good for health), and not pollute the atmoshpere by using your car. Every day, I go to the subway station by bicycle (10 minutes), then I take the subway until the nearest destination to my school (20 minutes). By taking this way, it takes me less than 30 minutes to get at school whereas it will cost me more times if I take car.

The third one is snacks and beverages, for people who loves niblle between meals. There is a hundreds of company and a thousands of product in shops, which the price is not expensive : chips, cookies, cakes, pie, coke, sprite… and consumer start to get used to eat it when they want. But when you eat something before, you couldn’t eat normally the meal, and those snacks and beverages are not rich in vitamin because they especially contain sugar, fat or oil. So in the long term, there will be a food imbalance and will cause some problem, especially in children growth. To my personal experience, I often take a lot of weight during holidays at home, because I don’t even realize that I eat a lot of snacks and beverages when I’m getting bored. So I tried to pay attention of it and I could perfectly restrain myself.

So nowadays, it’s very difficult to live without new technologies even if it’s dangerous for our health. I think I couldn’t survive alone in a jungle or a wild places because I’m alread



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