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Correction compte rendu
Message de vardaf posté le 17-03-2009 à 20:09:29 (S | E | F)
Bonjour!
je dois rédiger un compte rendu d'un séjour à Londres. (qualité de l'accueil et de l'hébergement, nourriture, météo...), ce que j'ai le plus aimé ou non pourquoi)
I spent a very pleasant week in London,at my penpal Maggie.
She was at the airport, at Heathrow when I arrived and I recognized her immediately.We went at her home for dinner.Her house is very comfortable and cosy.The day after,we visited London and Piccadilly Circus.I didn't like the foof a lot, except the Porridge.I loved LOndon.It's a city that never sleeps, always alive
merci de me dire comment je peux améliorer!
Message de vardaf posté le 17-03-2009 à 20:09:29 (S | E | F)
Bonjour!
je dois rédiger un compte rendu d'un séjour à Londres. (qualité de l'accueil et de l'hébergement, nourriture, météo...), ce que j'ai le plus aimé ou non pourquoi)
I spent a very pleasant week in London,at my penpal Maggie.
She was at the airport, at Heathrow when I arrived and I recognized her immediately.We went at her home for dinner.Her house is very comfortable and cosy.The day after,we visited London and Piccadilly Circus.I didn't like the foof a lot, except the Porridge.I loved LOndon.It's a city that never sleeps, always alive
merci de me dire comment je peux améliorer!
Réponse: Correction compte rendu de jonquille, postée le 18-03-2009 à 03:42:28 (S | E)
I spent a very pleasant week in London,at my penpal Maggie. (were you staying at her home? Say that!
You stay at a place.... Maggie isn't a "place" but her house is.)She was at the airport, at Heathrow when I arrived and I recognized her immediately. We went at (to) her home for dinner. Her house is very comfortable and cosy. The day after,we visited London and Piccadilly Circus. I didn't like the foof (check the spellling
) a lot, except for the Porridge. (or: I didn't like a lot of the food, except the porridge) I loved LOndon (London). It's a city that never sleeps, always alive. (unless you are explaining the idiom "a city that never sleeps," you do not need always alive at the end of this sentence.Réponse: Correction compte rendu de vardaf, postée le 18-03-2009 à 11:06:53 (S | E)
merci!
donc je corrige:I spent a pleasant week,...at my Maggie penpal's house
je veux dire "chez ma correspondante Maggie"
is it correct?
Réponse: Correction compte rendu de hugotachini, postée le 18-03-2009 à 14:48:57 (S | E)
Here's my help to you :
I spent a very pleasant week in London,at my penpal Maggie.
She was at the airport, at Heathrow when I arrived and I recognized her immediately.We went at her home for dinner.Her house is very comfortable and cosy.The day after,we visited London and Piccadilly Circus.I didn't like the foof a lot, except the Porridge.I loved LOndon.It's a city that never sleeps, always alive
I spent a very pleasant week in London at my penpal's house named/called Maggie. (A) She was at the airport and I immediatly recognized her. After having say hello (1), we then went at her home for dinner. She has a very confortable and cosy house I have to admit (2). The day after, we visited London and Piccadilly circus, it was amazing (2) ! I didn't much like the food but the porridge was really great (2) ! I think it's maybe the only thing I liked... I loved London and it's a city that never sleeps and I really really really love that (2) !!
-> J'ai VONLONTAIREMENT changé et ajouté des trucs à ton texte pour le rendre plus vivant ! Je suis sûre que tu a vécu de très belle chose à Londre mais en te lisant on a pas vraiment la sensation !
(1) Avant d'aller à la maison vous vous êtes bien dit quelque chose non ? Tu peux l'indiquer je pense pas tout bien sûre : ex. "Before we went at her home for dinner, we stayed quite a long time acknowledging - It was fun because she really has a great persona."
(2) Implique toi un peu plus dans ce que tu écrit avec des formulations personel de (res-)sentiments ! Si tu as vu qu'elle avait une maison confortable c'est parceque tu l'as observé, non ? :-D
(3) Et puis "never sleeps..." et "always alive..." dans un contexte pareil veulent dire la même chose donc pas besoin de les repetés comme tu l'as fait ! Mais si tu veux vraiment faire sentir que la cité vit rééllement le soir alors il faut utilliser soit des adj. ou adv. ex. "I like London because it's really incredible how the city stays always awake... even in the late hours, everything rolls just like we were in the day..." enfin bref c'est juste un exemple !!
(A) Maggie n'est certainement pas un lieu comme on te l'as précédemment il te faut un complément ainsi : "la maison de Maggie" "Maggi's house" - "La maison de ma correspondante Maggie" "Maggie, my penpal's house", " My penpal's house, Maggie", "My penpal's house called Maggie"
Ainsi peut-on dire : "I spent a very pleasant week in London at Maggie, my penpal's house." - Note bien l'utilisation de la virgule qui permet d'introduire le complément du nom Maggie !!
Voilà !! :-D - D'un ami anglosaxon !!
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Modifié par hugotachini le 18-03-2009 14:49
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Modifié par hugotachini le 18-03-2009 14:55
Réponse: Correction compte rendu de TravisKidd, postée le 18-03-2009 à 17:19:46 (S | E)
Who/what is called Maggie? Your penpal, or her house?!?
Réponse: Correction compte rendu de vardaf, postée le 18-03-2009 à 17:32:55 (S | E)
Merci infiniment!
INDISPENSABLES : 