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Correction grammaire

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction grammaire
Message de seiken78 posté le 10-06-2009 à 00:57:49 (S | E | F)

Bonjour, voilà ne maitrisant pas les subtilités anglaises j'aimerai avoir une correction de ce texte ^^"

THe first which improved healthcare was the 1906 liberal ministry.Indeed in 1908, the first major welfare reforms introduced the old pensions act which gave a weekly pension of 5s a week to low income workers and people more than 70 years old. 3 years after, the National Insurance act which was a two part act was adopted.On the one hand, the health Insurance enabled poor workers between 18 and 60 years old to benefit for free medical treatment and in the other hand, the unemplouement Insurance allowed workers to obtain money during 15 weeks a year if unemployed. During this period, the Infant Welfare was introduced so that the Infant mortality fell thanks to both the setup of specific maternity clinics, the reforms of midwifery and benefits unlocked for this domain.the children's welfare act of 1908 was the most important measure taken about infant rights.
Then after the elction of the Labour Party and the near coalition, a series of new major reforms were introduced. The most famous one was the Beveridge report of 1942.Indeed Beveridge wanted to fight 5 big giant issues as diseases, ignorance, squalor, want, idleness and proposed a new social system security.The 1945 family Allowances act and the 1946 National Insurance Act are the proofs but actually, the most enduring fulfilment is the "jewel in the crown" as the Whigs'd said.The 1948 National HealthCare Service shown the world a way to healthcare, not as a provilege to be paid for, but as a fundemental human right.


The welfare state was a forerunner for many countries like the France because it shaped the model of our social system.According to me, the government shouldn't left people who can't take care of themselves nor their family aside. Helping the minorities like the disabled, old people should be the duty of a State. Everybody shoud have the right to be considerated even if taxes are high. For exemple, the unemployement issu would have been more difficulte to face out without the unemployement Insurance. Moreover, the National Health Service should never been modified instead when it's to improve it. I think that the Tories leader Mrs Thatcher isn't in the right to think Welfare state is a nanny state even if according to her the economy was oberburdened due to many issues such as the increasing cost of pensions. NHS and more merely, social system should be the last services to be brought down.Now a day, with the increasing unemployement issu and the economical crises bring up people in a difficult case so the State have to cover them up.

Voilà je sens que j'ai du faire des fautes aux killers et sur l'accord mais c'est pas facile..

merci d'avance

Fabien


Réponse: Correction grammaire de brettdallen, postée le 10-06-2009 à 11:22:15 (S | E)
Bonjour,
C'est assez long, je ne signale que les fautes "lourdes". Vous corrigerez et nous verrons ensuite.

THe first(what?) which improved healthcare was the 1906 liberal ministry.Indeed in 1908, the first major welfare reforms introduced the old pensions act which gave a weekly pension of 5s a week to low income workers and people more than("over") 70 years old. 3 years after, the National Insurance act which was a two part act was adopted.On the one hand, the health Insurance enabled poor workers between 18 and 60 years old to benefit for(other preposition) free medical treatment and in the other hand, the unemplouement Insurance allowed workers to obtain money during(another preposition) 15 weeks a year if unemployed. During this period, the Infant Welfare was introduced so that the Infant mortality fell thanks to both the setup of specific maternity clinics, the reforms of midwifery and benefits unlocked for this domain ?.the children's welfare act of 1908 was the most important measure taken about infant rights.
Then after the elction of the Labour Party and the near coalition(Then after the Labour Party was elected and a coalition was set up"), a series of new major reforms were(or "was") introduced. The most famous one was the Beveridge report of 1942.Indeed, Beveridge wanted to fight 5 big giant("big + giant" is a bit too much! use "major") issues as("such as" ?) diseases, ignorance, squalor, want, idleness and proposed a new social system security(wrong order).The 1945 family Allowances act and the 1946 National Insurance Act are the proofs(of what?) but actually(logic?), the most enduring fulfilment is the "jewel in the crown" as the Whigs'd said(or "called it").The 1948 National HealthCare Service shown(wrong verb tense) the world a way to healthcare, not as a provilege to be paid for, but as a fundemental human right.(this sentence is not crystal clear!)


The welfare state was a forerunner for many countries like the France because it shaped the model of our social system.According to me, the government shouldn't left people who can't take care of themselves nor("or of") their family aside?. Helping the minorities(you should use another word) like the disabled, old people should be the duty of a State. Everybody shoud have the right to be considerated even if taxes are high. For exemple, the unemployement issu would have been more difficulte to face out without the unemployement Insurance("benefit"). Moreover, the National Health Service should never been("should + ?") modified instead ?when it's to improve it(not very clear)(maybe you mean "unless it is to improve it"). I think that the (former)Tories leader Mrs Thatcher isn't in the right to think Welfare state is a nanny state even if according to her the economy was oberburdened due to many issues such as the increasing cost of pensions. NHS and more merely,("more generally"?) social system should be the last services to be brought down.Now a day("Nowadays"), with the increasing unemployement issu and the economical crises bring up people in a difficult case so the State have(3rd person) to cover them up.



Réponse: Correction grammaire de seiken78, postée le 10-06-2009 à 15:35:43 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour la correction, voilà je pense avoir revu les fautes,
niveau conjugaison c'est bien de mettre la plupart des verbes au preterit dans ce texte ? ou y a-t-il des incohésions ?

The 1906 liberal ministry was the first to improve healthcare.Indeed in 1908, the first major welfare reforms introduced the old pensions act which gave a weekly pension of 5s a week to low income workers and people over 70 years old. 3 years after, the National Insurance act which was a two part act was adopted.On the one hand, the health Insurance enabled poor workers between 18 and 60 years old to benefit from free medical treatment and in the other hand, the unemployement Insurance allowed workers to obtain money for 15 weeks a year if unemployed. During this period, the Infant Welfare was introduced so that the Infant mortality fell thanks to both the setup of specific maternity clinics, the reforms of midwifery and benefits unlocked for them. The children's welfare act of 1908 was the most important measure taken about infant rights.Then after the Labour Party was elected and the near coalition about to set up, a series of new major reforms was introduced. The most famous one was the Beveridge report of 1942.Indeed Beveridge wanted to fight 5 major issues such as diseases, ignorance, squalor, want, idleness and proposed a new social security system. The 1945 family Allowances act and the 1946 National Insurance Act are the proofs of these reforms but the most enduring fulfilment was the "jewel in the crown" as the Whigs called it.The 1948 National HealthCare Service showed the world a way to healthcare, not as a privilege to be paid for, but as a fundamental human right.


The welfare state was a forerunner for many countries like France because it shaped the model of our social system.According to me, the government shouldn't let aside people who can't take care of themselves or of their family. Helping the minorities like the disabled, old people should be the duty of a State. Everybody should have the right to be considerate even if taxes are high. For example, the unemployement issu would have been more difficulte to face out without the unemployement benefit. Moreover, the National Health Service should never be modified unless it is to improve it. I think that the former Tories leader Mrs Thatcher isn't in the right to think Welfare state is a nanny state even if, according to her the economy was oberburdened due to many issues such as the increasing cost of pensions. NHS and more generally, social system should be the last services to be brought down.Nowadays with the increasing unemployement issu and the economical crisis bring up people in a difficult case so the State has to cover them up.


Réponse: Correction grammaire de jean31, postée le 10-06-2009 à 16:54:12 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Quelques légères retouches supplémentaires :


The 1906 liberal ministry was the first to improve healthcare. Indeed in 1908, the first major welfare reforms introduced the old pensions act which gave a weekly pension of 5s a week to low income workers and people over 70 years old. 3 years later, the National Insurance act which was a two part act was adopted. On the one hand, the Health Insurance enabled poor workers between 18 and 60 years old to benefit from free medical treatment and on the other hand, the unemployement Insurance allowed workers to obtain money for 15 weeks a year if unemployed. During this period, the Infant Welfare was introduced so that the Infant mortality fell thanks to both the setup of specific maternity clinics, the reforms of midwifery and benefits unlocked for them. The children's welfare act of 1908 was the most important measure taken about infant rights.Then after the Labour Party was elected and the near coalition about to set up, a series of new major reforms was introduced. The most famous one was the Beveridge report of 1942. Indeed Beveridge wanted to fight 5 major issues such as diseases, ignorance, squalor, want, idleness and proposed a new social security system. The 1945 family Allowances act and the 1946 National Insurance Act are the proofs of these reforms but the most enduring fulfilment was the "jewel in the crown" as the Whigs called it. The 1948 National HealthCare Service showed the world a way to healthcare, not as a privilege to be paid for, but as a fundamental human right.


The welfare state was a forerunner for many countries like France because it shaped the model of our social system. According to me, the government shouldn't let aside people who can't take care of themselves or of their family. Helping minorities such as the disabled, old people should be the duty of a State. Everybody should have the right to be considered even if taxes are high. For example, the unemployement issue would have been more difficult to face out without the unemployement benefit. Moreover, the National Health Service should never be modified unless it is to improve it. I think that the former Tories leader Mrs Thatcher wasn't in the right to think Welfare state is a nanny state even if, according to her the economy was overburdened due to many issues such as the increasing cost of pensions. NHS and more generally, social system should be the last services to be brought down. Nowadays the increasing unemployement issue and the economical crisis put people in a difficult position so the State has to cover them up.

=> Pour répondre à ta question, le prétérit s'impose puisque tu relates des faits anciens, terminés et datés.
Bonne continuation.






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