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My worst holiday

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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My worst holiday
Message de anae64 posté le 30-09-2009 à 10:18:50 (S | E | F)

Coucou
J'ai un essai à faire en anglais sur "the worst holiday I have ever had". Pouvez vous me le corriger s'il vous plait? J'ai notamment des soucis au niveau de la concordance des temps pour les verbes suivis d'une (*) mais si vous pouviez vérifier également les tournures de phrase ça serait génial.
Merci d'avance
Bonne journée
Anae

A few months ago, I fixed to go in south-western France seeing my boyfriend during a long week-end. We have planned several nice activities such as skiing, shopping in Biarritz and candlelit dinner. But, these little holidays, instead being wonderful, were terrible.

My living death started with an eight hour trip by train in the same compartment that a screeching baby. I didn’t know what was the problem –and neither did her mother- but he hasn't given up (*) hope of telling it. While I felt hopeful again to find the use of my ears, a new detail made the situation worse: my suitcase full of clothes had been stolen (*). So, I didn’t spend my week-end alone with my love but together with policemen in order to lay charges.

During the same day, I lost my new suitcase, a computer with my maths project, skiing and casual clothing. That’s why, I think that this week-end will stay, during a long time, the worst holidays I have ever had.



Réponse: My worst holiday de seb06000, postée le 30-09-2009 à 11:09:08 (S | E)

bonjour,

je vous donne les indices pour la correction

A few months ago, I fixed ( verbe qui ne fonctionne pas ici)to go in (préposition à changer, il s'agit de la destination) south-western France seeing (donc construction par rapport à 'fixed' va changer) my boyfriend during a long week-end. We have planned (temps à changer, vous êtes dans le récit d'un fait passé) several nice activities such as skiing, shopping in Biarritz and candlelit dinner. But, these little holidays, instead ( il manque une petite préposition) being wonderful, were terrible.

My living death (sens?) started with an eight hour trip by train in the same compartment that (préposition) a screeching baby. I didn’t know what was the problem ( position du verbe, c'est une relative ici et non une interrogative) –and neither did her mother- but he hasn't given up (vous êtes toujours dans le récit) hope of telling it. While I felt hopeful again to find the use of my ears, a new detail made the situation worse: my suitcase, full of clothes, had been stolen (parfait! situation antérieure au temps de l'énonciation, donc temps choisi judicieux!). So, I didn’t spend my week-end alone with my love but together with policemen in order to lay charges.

During the same day, I lost my new suitcase, a computer with my maths project, skiing and casual clothing. That’s why, I think that this week-end will stay, during a long time, the worst holidays I have ever had.

Voilà, ce ne sont que des détails!

Bon courage

sebastien



-------------------
Modifié par seb06000 le 30-09-2009 11:11
mise en couleurs


Réponse: My worst holiday de anae64, postée le 30-09-2009 à 13:17:25 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide. Voici mon texte corrigé grace a vos commentaires. J'espère que cette fois ci tout est bon.
Bonne journée
Anae

A few months ago, I planned to go to south-western France with intent to see my boyfriend during a long week-end. We wanted to do several nice activities such as skiing, shopping in Biarritz and candlelit dinner. But, these little holidays, instead of being wonderful, were terrible.

My agony started with an eight hour trip by train in the same compartment as a screeching baby. I didn’t know what the problem was – and neither did her mother – but he didn't give up hope of telling it. While I felt hopeful again to find the use of my ears, a new detail made the situation worse: my suitcase full of clothes had been stolen. So, I didn’t spend my week-end alone with my love but together with policemen in order to lay charges.

During the same day, I lost my new suitcase, a computer with my maths project, skiing and casual clothing. That’s why, I think that this week-end will stay, during a long time, the worst holidays I have ever had.



Réponse: My worst holiday de seb06000, postée le 30-09-2009 à 13:51:31 (S | E)
bonjour,

voici les choses qui restent à modifier:

A few months ago, I planned to go to south-western France with intent (non, je mettrais une forme ING sans With) to see my boyfriend during a long week-end. We wanted to do several nice activities such as skiing, shopping in Biarritz and candlelit dinner. But, these little holidays, instead of being wonderful, were terrible.

My agony started with an eight hour trip by train in the same compartment as (erreur 'same' était correct mais "that" non) a screeching baby. I didn’t know what the problem was – and neither did her mother – but he didn't give up hope of telling it. While I felt hopeful again to find the use of my ears, a new detail made the situation worse: my suitcase full of clothes had been stolen. So, I didn’t spend my week-end alone with my love but together with policemen in order to lay charges.

During the same day, I lost my new suitcase, a computer with my maths project, skiing and casual clothing. That’s why, I think that this week-end will stay, during a long time, the worst holidays I have ever had.

voilà je crois que c'est tout bon!

sebastien



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