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Y'a t-il des fautes ?

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Y'a t-il des fautes ?
Message de galven posté le 28-11-2009 à 12:11:23 (S | E | F)

Bonjour

Je dois faire une "moitié" d'essai, c'est-à-dire seulement l'introduction, le plan, et la conclusion sur le sujet classique " Does money make love ?" (À ce propos, ici "love" peut être considérer comme le bonheur, et pas seulement comme l'amour ? Ca ne sera pas hors sujet si je parle du bonheur ?)

Donc j'aimerais savoir si j'ai fait quelques fautes, et si oui, pourriez-vous me dire où ?

Introduction

Because of the fact that we are in a consumer society, new goods and services are emerging everyday on the market, and the role of money appeared more and more important. Although the idea which shows that money is able to make love of individuals is very widespread, is it for all that true?
Even if on the one hand, the happiness of individuals can be found through buying what they desire, on the other hand, love seems not able to be bought.

Conclusion

Although we have a tendency to say that money contributes to make love of individuals, I think, in some cases, this affirmation is erroneous. For example, NISIE (= INSEE) made an investigation last year about the link between happiness and money, and it shows that money makes only a minor part of happiness.
Consequently, I conclude that money isn’t the single determinant of love. Quite the reverse, as surprising as it may seem, it only represents a very small part of love.
Finally, we may wonder if, on the contrary, money doesn’t generate paradoxically, and only in some cases, the discontent of individuals.


Merci d'avance !

-------------------
Modifié par galven le 28-11-2009 12:11

-------------------
Modifié par galven le 28-11-2009 12:12


Réponse: Y'a t-il des fautes ? de laure95, postée le 29-11-2009 à 11:24:07 (S | E)
Bonjour, voici ce que tu dois corriger:
Introduction

Because of the fact that we are in a consumer society, new goods and services are emerging everyday on the market, and the role of money appeared (pourqoi le prétérit?) more and more important. Although the idea which shows that money is able to (remplace par CAN pour alléger 1 peu ta longue phrase)make love of individuals is very widespread, is it for all that true (mal dit)?
Even if on the one hand, the happiness of individuals can be found through buying what they desire, on the other hand, love seems not able (c'est SEEM qui doit porter la négation) to be bought.

Conclusion

Although we have a tendency to say that money contributes to make love of individuals, I think, in some cases, this affirmation is erroneous. For example, NISIE (= INSEE) made an investigation last year about the link between happiness and money, and it shows that money makes only a minor part of happiness.
Consequently, I conclude that money isn’t the single determinant of love. Quite the reverse (faire une phrase), as surprising as it may seem, it only represents a very small part of love.
Finally, we may wonder if, on the contrary, money doesn’t generate paradoxically, and only in some cases, the discontent of individuals.





Réponse: Y'a t-il des fautes ? de galven, postée le 29-11-2009 à 12:16:55 (S | E)
J'ai honte de certaines fautes ...^^
Merci beaucoup, je vais corriger tout ça

Je cherche encore pour changer "is it for all that true?" mais je vois pas trop ;(


Because of the fact that we are in a consumer society, new goods and services are emerging everyday on the market, and the role of money appears more and more important. Although the idea which shows that money can make love of individuals is very widespread, is it for all that true?
Even if on the one hand, the happiness of individuals can be found by buying what they desire, on the other hand, love doesn’t seem able to be bought.


Although we have a tendency to say that money contributes to make love of individuals, I think, in some cases, this affirmation is erroneous. For example, NISIE (= INSEE) made an investigation last year about the link between happiness and money, and it shows that money makes only a minor part of happiness.
Consequently, I conclude that money isn’t the single determinant of love. On the contrary, as surprising as it may seem, it only represents a very small part of love.
Finally, we may wonder if, money doesn’t generate paradoxically, and only in some cases, the discontent of individuals.



Réponse: Y'a t-il des fautes ? de laure95, postée le 29-11-2009 à 17:56:58 (S | E)
Bonsoir, voici ce que tu dois encore reprendre:
Because of the fact that we are in a consumer society, new goods and services are emerging everyday on the market, and the role of money appears (ou seems) to be more and more important. Although the idea which shows that money can make (chercher 1 autre verbe: contribuer, participer...) love of individuals is very widespread, is it for all that true (change l'ordre des mots et ajoute de sprécisions après ALL)?Even if on the one hand, the happiness of individuals can be found by buying what they desire, on the other hand, love doesn’t seem able to (can't) be bought.


Although we have a tendency to say that money contributes to make love of individuals, I think, in some cases, this affirmation is erroneous. For example, NISIE (= INSEE) made an investigation last year about the link between happiness and money, and it shows that money makes (cela fait 3 fois que tu utilises ce verbe!) only a minor part of happiness.
Consequently, I conclude that money isn’t the single determinant of love. On the contrary, as surprising as it may seem, it only represents a very small part of love (remplace par le pronom complément correspondant).Finally, we may wonder if, money doesn’t generate paradoxically, and only in some cases, the discontent of individuals.





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