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Correction-Africa

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction-Africa
Message de mathjulie posté le 13-05-2010 à 18:32:27 (S | E | F)

Bonjour, pourriez-vous corriger mes fautes s'il vous plaît? Voici ce que j'ai rédigé(j'ai les mots dont je ne suis pas sûre entre parenthèses):


Bono made an interesting and striking speech, illustrated by his stay in Ethiopia which drastically disrupted his life, in order to push an issue and to provoke debate on the desperate African situation. This cause gets in contrast to the superstar status which he had. Thus, to my mind, I have to tackle this question from two points of view.

So that, on the one hand, I think Bono is a good spokesman for Africa, in population or common people opinion, because he is close to them, speaks at their level, what is more, Bono does charitable work for a high-minded cause that any people would disprove. He involved in an important and hard labor, and knows the poverty and the reality of the African continent. He didn’t release a simply speech that he learnt by heart, but it’s (bien plus que cela) , he lives his words, so much he shed his feelings and anxieties through his stay in Ethiopia which drastically changed his life. Hence, Bono made part of his own experience. On top of that, he used good and indisputable arguments like wealth or technological advanced whose developed countries set out. He shows them the futility of their quotidian, their lack of will and efficacy face to his perpetual degradation of their African contemporaries.

On the other point of view, I think Bono permit him to tell at economist, politician or in general (professional) who knew their job, what they have to do but this is my opinion. He accuses States of remain passive face to the growing needs of developing countries like Ethiopia whereas he stays a singer and his qualifications and his skills estate (son domaine de competences) don’t have relation with this (domaine). I learn about his life and it is he has never done a study on the economy, or politics. . Although he is involved in a very noble cause which inspires respect, I think his speech is very simply unlike the solution at his problem.

To conclude, as far as I’m concerned, Bono stays a goods spokesman who tries to make change and evolve things at his level and profit of his notoriety for help and inform people of African situation, but he doesn’t have all abilities to abordate this very complex subject. Nevertheless, he doesn’t stay inactive, shows boundless generosity and the more important thing, will.

Merci d'avance



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Modifié par lucile83 le 13-05-2010 18:43


Réponse: Correction-Africa de notrepere, postée le 14-05-2010 à 18:06:20 (S | E)
Hello!

Bono made an interesting and striking speech, illustrated by his stay in Ethiopia which drastically disrupted his life, in order to push an issue and to provoke debate on the desperate African situation. This cause gets (mal dit) in contrast to the superstar status which he had. Thus, to my mind, I have to tackle this question from two points of view.

How does his stay in Ethiopia relate to his "interesting and striking speech"? I think they're two separate ideas:

1. He made an interesting and striking speech
2. He stayed in Ethiopia which drastically disrupted his life

What is the "cause" that you speak of?

So that, On the one hand, I think Bono is a good spokesman for Africa. in population or common people opinion, because he is close to them, speaks at their level, what is more, Bono does charitable work for a high-minded cause that any people would disprove.

This sentence is too long and expresses too many different ideas. You need to break the sentence down into smaller, more coherent parts.

What do you mean by "in population or common people opinion"? Please explain.

On the one hand, I think Bono is a good spokesman for African because he is ... [you fill in the rest]

Start "What is more" as a new sentence.


He [il manque un mot] involved in an important and hard labor, and knows the poverty and the reality of the African continent.








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Modifié par notrepere le 14-05-2010 18:11



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