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Correction/world poverty

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/world poverty
Message de pepita27 posté le 21-02-2012 à 13:42:27 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

je dois effectuer une présentation en anglais et j'aimerais avoir une correction de mon texte s'il vous plaît car j'ai quelques difficultés!
Par avance je vous remercie!

Consequences of african poverty

A lack of productivity
Disease
Most of the time disease , such as HIV/AIDS or malaria, can’t be cured because of medical costs that many families are not able to afford.
[Malaria: Malaria is an infectious blood disease caused by a parasite that is transmitted from one human to another by the bite of infected mosquitoes.]
• Drug abuse and addiction

• Child and women abuse
According to experts, many women become victims of trafficking prostitution, as a means of survival and economic desperation.
Because of Deterioration of living conditions children are often forced to abandon school in order to contribute to the family income, putting them at risk of being exploited in working hard

• Homelessness

• Educational deprivation

• Bad health and Malnutrition
Poor health decreases the amount of work impoverished individuals can do, lowering their income and driving them deeper into poverty he poor have diets that are less nourishing Malnutrition has bad effects on children and adults: there are more birth defects, accidents, disease, and reported mental illness Another result of these factors is that they have higher absenteeism at work and school, lower energy levels, lower productivity, and shorter life spans

Solutions

What can we do to lower african’s poverty?
One of the solution is to develop their technologies With Internet, african farmers can research current market prices and sell his crops at a better price.
Instead of selling his crops at a loss to the business men who will continue to bargain(négocier) for the lowest of prices,Another solution is:

Fair Trade (commerce équitable) It is an organized social movement and market-based approach that aims to help producers in developing countries to make better trading conditions The movement promotes the payment of a higher price to exporters t focuses in particular on exports from developing countries to developed countries, most particularly coffee, sugar, tea, bananas, honey, cotton, wine etc
To drop the debt of the poorest African countries is also really helpful for african countries These plan comes from the G8 (the 8 richest countries) who decided to

Donations:

“the three richest men in the world are wealthier than the 48 poorest countries combined.
To construct water well and provide water management and distribution techniques in order to solve the burning issue of potable water for domestic, industrial and agriculture requirement
To provide access to education in order to yield healthy, self-reliant young adults who contribute back to the community.

To develop regional and continent-wide tourism marketing

Birth control

Organisations

All around the world there are organisations which help african people against famine, unclean water

Unicef
Which means United Nations of International Children’s Emergency Fund
This organisation improves children’s livelihoods :
His education, his survival, development and protection and his prevention against AIDS

World Camp
World Camp enriches the lives of children in disadvantaged communities worldwide.

Volunteer Africa
1. enabling people to make a difference to the lives of rural Africans
2. to raise funds for our partner NGOs.

The Water Project
The Water Project is able to work with local partners to provide closer access to clean water. Their goal is to bring clean, sustainable water supplies to within a 1km (1/2 mile) of a village. By doing so, communities can be freed to begin working themselves out of poverty.
The lack of water is an often insurmountable obstacle to helping oneself. You can't grow food, you can't build housing, you can't stay healthy, you can't stay in school and you can't keep working.

African Women
The main objectives of this organisation is to campaign against violence, sexual abuse, and their integration in their society

In conclusion

it remains too much poor people all over the world and we have to act against the poverty. Everybody has the right to be happy
Here are the websites used for this presentation

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 21-02-2012 17:45


Réponse: Correction/world poverty de notrepere, postée le 22-02-2012 à 00:33:26 (S | E)
Bonjour

En général, votre texte est bon.

Consequences of african poverty

A lack of productivity
Disease
Most of the time, diseases such as HIV/AIDS or malaria, can’t be cured because of medical costs that many families are not able to afford.

• Child and women abuse
According to experts, many women become victims of sex trafficking and prostitution, as a means of survival and economic desperation.
Because of Deterioration of living conditions, children are often forced to abandon school in order to contribute to the family income, putting them at risk of being exploited in working hard

Bad Poor health and Malnutrition
Poor health decreases the amount of work impoverished individuals can do, lowering their income and driving them deeper into poverty.
The poor have diets that are less nourishing
Malnutrition has bad (un autre adjectif) effects on children and adults: there are more birth defects, accidents, disease, and reported mental illness
Another result of these factors is that they have higher absenteeism at work and school, lower energy levels, lower productivity, and shorter life spans

Solutions

What can we do to lower african’s poverty?
One of the solutions is to develop their technologies
With Internet, african farmers can research current market prices and sell his(accorde) crops at a better price.
Instead of selling his crops at a loss to the business men who will continue to bargain(négocier) for the lowest of prices (phrase à revoir)

Another solution is:

Fair Trade (commerce équitable) It is an organized social movement and market-based approach that aims to help producers in developing countries to make better trading conditions The movement promotes the payment of a higher price to exporters that focuses in particular on exports from developing countries to developed countries, most particularly coffee, sugar, tea, bananas, honey, cotton, wine etc
To drop the debt of the poorest African countries is also really helpful for African countries.
These plan comes from the G8 (the 8 richest countries) who decided to

Donations:

“the three richest men in the world are wealthier than the 48 poorest countries combined.
To construct water wells and provide water management and distribution techniques in order to solve the burning issue of potable water for domestic, industrial and agriculture requirements
To provide access to education in order to yield healthy, self-reliant young adults who contribute back to the community.

To develop regional and continent-wide tourism marketing (ordre des mots; il faut 'of' entre les deux)


All around the world there are organisations which taht help african people against with issues of famine, unclean water, etc.

Unicef
Which means United Nations of International Children’s Emergency Fund
This organisation improves children’s livelihoods :
His (accorde: children) education, survival, development and protection and prevention against AIDS

Volunteer Africa
1. enabling people to make a difference in the lives of rural Africans
2. to raise funds for our partner NGOs.

The Water Project
The Water Project is able to work with local partners to provide closer access to clean water. Their goal is to bring clean, sustainable water supplies to within a 1km (1/2 mile) of a village. By doing so, communities can be freed to begin working themselves out of poverty.
The lack of water is an often insurmountable obstacle to helping oneself. You can't grow food, you can't build housing, you can't stay healthy, you can't stay in school and you can't keep working.

African Women
The main objectives of this organisation is to campaign against violence, sexual abuse, and their integration in their society

In conclusion

it remains too much poor people all over the world and we have to act against the poverty. Everybody has the right to be happy
Here are the websites used for this presentatio




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