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Correction /addiction

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction /addiction
Message de nicototo posté le 26-03-2012 à 22:40:46 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,

j'ai un essai d'anglais à faire et j'aurais aimé que vous y jetiez un coup d'oeil pour corriger les fautes que vous y trouvez.
Merci pour vos réponses.

le sujet : Would you say that addiction is the new plague of today's society?

Addiction is when someone can’t live without something. There are many kind if addictions yet they all are similar in one way: it creates dependence. We can ask ourselves if addiction is the new plague if today’s society. To answer this question, we’ll see in a first time that it is a plague of today’s society. Then in a second time, we'll see that it is not a new plague and that it already has existed in the past.

On the one hand, we can say it is a new plague. Let take the example of video games. A new word had been created to talk about people who have always on their computer: “geek”. They play video games all the time. They like better playing games than spending time with their friends or family. They have no real life. That’s why it is told that they are no life.
Fast food is also a new kind of plague. In the United States, they are everywhere. And everyone eats over there at least three times a week. They do that because it is the easier way3 It’s cheap, easy to go, close to their work. Even if it is unhealthy, Americans eat very often in fast food and get obese.

On the other hand, addictions have always existed. It is a well-known fact that the wine was already used during the mythology. Dionysus was the God of wines. Back in the day, there are already alcoholic. Many poets were addicted to drugs and alcohols. Alcohols like opium were a plague in the past. Gambling and tobacco addicts exist since more than 100 years. It’s not because today we talk a lot about tobacco problems and gambling that it is a new kind of addiction.

To conclude, even if there are many kind of addictions in our nowadays society, we can’t say that it’s the new plague because addictions have always existed.


Merci par avance.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 27-03-2012 06:08


Réponse: Correction /addiction de sherry48, postée le 27-03-2012 à 02:34:59 (S | E)
Hello nicototo.

Addiction is when someone can’t live without something. There are many kind if addictions yet they all are similar in one way: it creates dependence. We can ask ourselves if addiction is the new plague if today’s society. To answer this question, we’ll see in a first time that it is a plague of today’s society. Then in a second time, we'll see that it is not a new plague and that it already has existed in the past.

On the one hand, we can say it is a new plague. Let take the example of video games. A new word had been created to talk about people who have always on their computer: “geek”. They play video games all the time. They like better playing games than spending time with their friends or family. They have no real life. That’s why it is told that they are no life.
Fast food is also a new kind of plague. In the United States, they are everywhere. And everyone (a slight exaggeration :-)) eats over there at least three times a week. They do that because it is the easier way3 It’s cheap, easy to go, close to their work. Even if it is unhealthy, Americans eat very often in fast food * and get obese.

On the other hand, addictions have always existed. It is a well-known fact that the wine was already used during the mythology. Dionysus was the God of wines. Back in the day, there are already alcoholic. Many poets were addicted to drugs and alcohols. Alcohols, like opium were a plague in the past. Gambling and tobacco addicts exist since more than 100 years. It’s not because today we talk a lot about tobacco problems and gambling that it is a new kind of addiction.

To conclude, even if there are many kind of addictions in our nowadays society, we can’t say that it’s the new plague because addictions have always existed.

Take a look at underlined words for agreement. In some cases, words in red are in the wrong place. In other cases, check the dictionary for a better word.
Bonne chance.
Sherry



Réponse: Correction /addiction de nicototo, postée le 27-03-2012 à 21:54:51 (S | E)
alright, thank you for your help.

Addiction is when someone can’t live without something. There are many kind of addictions yet they all are similar in one way: it creates dependence. We can ask ourselves if addiction is the new plague of today’s society. To answer this question, we’ll see firsty that it is a plague of today’s society. Then secondly, we'll see that it is not a new plague and that it has already existed in the past.

On the one hand, we can say it is a new plague. Let us take the example of video games. A new word has been created to talk of people who are always on their computer: “geek”. They prefer playing video games all the time. They like better playing games than spending time with their friends or family. They have no real life. That’s why we say that they are no life.
Fast foods are also a new kind of plague. In the United States, they are everywhere. And a lot fo americans eats there at least three times a week. They do that because it is the easy solution It’s cheap, easy to go, close to their work. Even if it is unhealthy, Americans eat very often in fast foods so they get obese.

On the other hand, addictions have always existed. It is a well-known fact that the wine was already used during the mythology. Dionysus was the God of wines.>. In the past, there were already alcoholics. Many poets were addicted to drugs and alcohols. Alcohols, like opium were a plague in the past. Gambling and tobacco addicts exist for more than 100 years. It’s not because of today we talk a lot about tobacco problems and gambling that it is (i don't know what i could write instead) a new kind of addiction.

To conclude, even if there are many kind of addictions in our nowadays' society, we can’t say that it’s a new plague because addictions have always existed.

Take a look at underlined words for agreement. In some cases, words in red are in the wrong place. In other cases, check the dictionary for a better word.
Bonne chance.
Sherry



Réponse: Correction /addiction de sherry48, postée le 28-03-2012 à 04:21:08 (S | E)
Hello nicototo. You are making progess, keep it up!
There are many kind (many is correct since it is plural)of.. we’ll see firsty that it is a plague of today’s society. Then secondly, we'll see that it is not a new plague and that it has already existed in the past.

They like better (wrong place) playing games than spending time with their friends or family. They have no real life. That’s why we say that they are no life.
Fast foods are also a new kind of plague. In the United States, they are everywhere. And a lot fo americans eats there (there requires a location, such as restaurant-you have only the noun and adjective fast foods) at least three times a week. They do that because it is the easy solution. It’s cheap, easy to go,(try a phrasal verb using get) close to their work. Even if it is unhealthy, Americans eat very often (wrong place for adverb of frequency)in fast foods (similar to above)so they get (the verb become might be better here) obese.

It is a well-known fact that the wine was already used during the mythology ( use this as an adjective with a noun). Many poets were addicted to drugs and alcohols. Alcohols, like opium were a plague in the past. Gambling and tobacco addicts exist (tense) for more than 100 years. It’s not because of today (bien que?) we talk a lot about tobacco problems and gambling (today could go here)that it is (negative)a new kind of addiction.

To conclude, even if there are many kind (agreement)of addictions in our nowadays' (today's) society, we can’t say that it’s a new plague because addictions have always existed.
Sherry

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Modifié par sherry48 le 29-03-2012 21:20






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