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Correction/Bob Marley

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/Bob Marley
Message de lisa2468 posté le 31-05-2014 à 17:31:04 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous !
Etant en classe de Terminale Bac Pro, je dois rendre à la fin de l'année 3 thèmes en anglais pour l'oral d'anglais.
J'ai choisi un de mes thèmes sur la biographie de Bob Marley.
Je sollicite votre aide, si vous en avez le temps, pour corriger cette biographie.
En vous remerciant pour vos réponses

Bob MARLEY

Robert Nesta "Bob" Marley OM (6 February 1945 – 11 May 1981) was a Jamaican reggae singer-songwriter and guitarist. He was born in Rhoden Hall (parish of St-Ann) in Jamaica and the names of his parents were Norval Sinclair Marley and Cedella Booker.
The life is hard and the work is scarce, Bob is go to Kingston to try his luck where he meets two other young (Bunny Wailer, Peter Tosh) fascinated of ska like him.
In 1961, he is already beginning to record sounds trying to live music but it's not success. After three years, he created the group “ The Wailers” with Bunny Wailer and Peter Tosh.
In 1963 released "Simmer Down" is the first tube of the Wailers but they will not win many money.
Short hair, smart suits, the Wailers plays the ska and the Rock Steady.
In 1966, he married with Rita Anderson.
In 1972, Bob, Peter and Bunny, who had previously worked with Jamaican producers, will come into contact with an English producer, Chris Blacwell, who spent his childhood in Jamaica. This is the end of galley because for 10 years, Bob has made more than 350 songs and hasn't success.

In 1973,their first album produced by Chris Blackwell “Cacth A Fire” is sold 14 000 copies only.
The group made several successful tours across the United Kingdom and the United States. Bunny and Peter left the ship. Bob then took control and reform the Wailers with Joe Higgs, and backing vocals, Rita, Judy Mowatt and Marcia Griffiths.
The next album on Island was "Burnin" with some old songs of the group as "Get Up Stand Up" and "I Shot The Sheriff" that were global tubes.

On 3 December 1976 in Kingston, he barely escaped an attack: 2 men armed infiltrated his home and opened fire on people present but two days after the attack, Bob Marley participate “Smile Jamaica” concert in Kingston. After 2 years, Bob Marley and the Wailers make a triumphant return to Jamaica. At the One Love Peace Concert, Bob manages to bring on stage two political enemies who fighting for power. This is the peak of his career.

In 1980, after fainting during a jog in Central Park in New York, Bob Marley goes an X-ray examination where five tumors, three in brain, lung and stomach are discovered: the cancer is widespread. He said nothing to his entourage and continued his concerts.
He wanted to finish his days in Jamaica, but died in Miami May 11, 1981, too weak to make the trip by plane to Kingston. He was buried on May 21 in his home parish, St. Ann, in Jamaica, after a state funeral in Kingston that attract hundreds of thousands of persons.

Finally I made a brief summary of his life, with the help of various sources; becase there are several versions on certain moments of his life. I hope my summary affects the possible truth.
what is certain is that Bob is one of the greatest artists who marked the 20th century. His life was short, but his work is immense, and his message will remain eternal ...

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 31-05-2014 17:47


Réponse: Correction/Bob Marley de sherry48, postée le 31-05-2014 à 22:28:42 (S | E)
Hello.

Here are a few quick tips.
You have some past tense verbs, but many others that should be past tense.
In English, you can marry someone or get married to someone, but you don't get married with another person.
If you have a general noun, such as life, you should not use'the'.
With an adjective such as young, there should be a noun with it.
Make sure you have the correct order (adjective then noun).
Generally a possessive is best: the group's old songs, rather than the old songs of the group.

These ideas will get you started. Go over the text carefully, make corrections, and post it again.

Sherry



Réponse: Correction/Bob Marley de lisa2468, postée le 01-06-2014 à 14:19:45 (S | E)
Hello,

I corrected some errors but I have some difficulties to correct everything.
Here are my corrections:

Robert Nesta "Bob" Marley OM (6 February 1945 – 11 May 1981) was a Jamaican reggae singer-songwriter and guitarist. He was born in Rhoden Hall (parish of St-Ann) in Jamaica and the names of his parents were Norval Sinclair Marley and Cedella Booker.
The Life is hard and the work is scarce, Bob went to Kingston to try his luck where he meets two other young (Bunny Wailer, Peter Tosh) fascinated of ska like him.
In 1961, he began to record sounds for try to live music but it's not success. After three years, he created the group “ The Wailers” with Bunny Wailer and Peter Tosh.
In 1963 released "Simmer Down" is the first tube of the Wailers but they will not win many money.
Short hair, smart suits, the Wailers played the ska and the Rock Steady.
In 1966, he married to Rita Anderson.
In 1972, Bob, Peter and Bunny, who had previously worked with Jamaican producers, will come into contact with an English producer, Chris Blacwell, who spent his childhood in Jamaica. This is the end of galley because for 10 years, Bob has made more than 350 songs and hasn't success.

In 1973,their first album produced by Chris Blackwell “Cacth A Fire” is sold 14 000 copies only.
The group made several successful tours across the United Kingdom and the United States. Bunny and Peter left the ship. Bob then took control and reformed the Wailers with Joe Higgs, and backing vocals, Rita, Judy Mowatt and Marcia Griffiths.
The next album on Island was "Burnin" with some old songs of the group as "Get Up Stand Up" and "I Shot The Sheriff" that were global tubes.

On 3 December 1976 in Kingston, he barely escaped an attack: 2 men armed infiltrated his home and opened fire on people present but two days after the attack, Bob Marley participate “Smile Jamaica” concert in Kingston. After 2 years, Bob Marley and the Wailers make a triumphant returned to Jamaica. At the One Love Peace Concert, Bob succeeded to bring on stage two political enemies who fighting for power. This is the peak of his career.

In 1980, after fainting during a jog in Central Park in New York, Bob Marley did an X-ray examination where five tumors, three in brain, lung and stomach are discovered: the cancer is widespread. He said nothing to his entourage and continued his concerts.
He wanted to finish his days in Jamaica, but died in Miami May 11, 1981, too weak to make the trip by plane to Kingston. He was buried on May 21 in his home parish, St. Ann, in Jamaica, after a state funeral in Kingston that attract hundreds of thousands of persons.

Finally I made a brief summary of his life, with the help of various sources; because there are several versions on certain moments of his life. I hope my summary affects the possible truth.
what is certain is that Bob is one of the greatest artists who marked the 20th century. His life was short, but his work is immense, and his message will remain eternal …

What do you think ?
Thank you for your answers

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 01-06-2014 19:16
Don't use red on the forum, thank you.



Réponse: Correction/Bob Marley de here4u, postée le 01-06-2014 à 17:07:10 (S | E)
As I told you by mp , I'll review part of your work ...
Remember ... no red allowed !

blue = error ! 'Think a little more!'
green = suggestions or questions .
XXX = missing elements !


Robert Nesta "Bob" Marley OM ( born on the 6 th of February 1945 – died on the 11th of May 1981) was a Jamaican reggae singer, songwriter and guitarist. He was born in Rhoden Hall (parish of St-Ann) in Jamaica and the names of his parents were Norval Sinclair Marley and Cedella Booker.
The Life is (temps)hard and the work is scarce, Bob went to Kingston to try his luck where he meets two other young XXXX (sherry told you 'young' is an adjective ... you need a noun behind it !)(Bunny Wailer, Peter Tosh) fascinated of ska like him.
In 1961, he began to record sounds for try to live music ???? (to live music ? make money thanks to his music ?) but it's(past!) not X success. After three years, he created the group “ The Wailers” with Bunny Wailer and Peter Tosh.
In 1963 ? released "Simmer Down" is the first tube of the Wailers but they will not win many(temps + vocabulaire) money.
Short hair, smart suits, the Wailers played the ska and the Rock Steady.
In 1966, he married to Rita Anderson.
In 1972, Bob, Peter and Bunny, who had previously worked with Jamaican producers, will cometemps) into contact with an English producer, Chris Blacwell, who spent his childhood in Jamaica. This is the end of galley?? (the hard times ? ) because for 10 years, Bob has made more than 350 songs and hasn'tXXX success.

In 1973,their first album produced by Chris Blackwell “Cacth A Fire” is sold 14 000 copies only.
The group made several successful tours across the United Kingdom and the United States. Bunny and Peter left the ship. Bob then took control and reformed the Wailers with Joe Higgs, and backing vocals, Rita, Judy Mowatt and Marcia Griffiths.
The nextfollowing album on Island was "Burnin" with some old songs of the group as "Get Up Stand Up" and "I Shot The Sheriff" that were global tubes.


Well ! You have quite a lot of work to do here (mostly problems of tenses ...)
I'll try to do more when I can ... Can't promise when !



Réponse: Correction/Bob Marley de lisa2468, postée le 01-06-2014 à 18:04:38 (S | E)
Robert Nesta "Bob" Marley OM ( born on the 6 th of February 1945 – died on the 11th of May 1981) was a Jamaican reggae singer, songwriter and guitarist. He was born in Rhoden Hall (parish of St-Ann) in Jamaica and the names of his parents were Norval Sinclair Marley and Cedella Booker.
The Life was hard and the work was scarce, Bob went to Kingston to try his luck where he met two other young mens(Bunny Wailer, Peter Tosh) fascinated of ska like him.
In 1961, he began to record sounds for make money thanks to his music but it was not a success. After three years, he created the group “ The Wailers” with Bunny Wailer and Peter Tosh.
In 1963 Bob released "Simmer Down" was the first tube of the Wailers but they will not winning lot of money.(Pas trop compris :/)
Short hair, smart suits, the Wailers played the ska and the Rock Steady.
In 1966, he married to Rita Anderson.
In 1972, Bob, Peter and Bunny, who had previously worked with Jamaican producers, will coming into contact with an English producer, Chris Blacwell, who spent his childhood in Jamaica. This was the end the hard times because for 10 years, Bob had made more than 350 songs and had not success.

In 1973,their first album produced by Chris Blackwell “Catch A Fire” is sold 14 000 copies only.
The group made several successful tours across the United Kingdom and the United States. Bunny and Peter left the ship. Bob then took control and reformed the Wailers with Joe Higgs, and backing vocals, Rita, Judy Mowatt and Marcia Griffiths.
The following album on Island was "Burnin" with some old songs of the group as "Get Up Stand Up" and "I Shot The Sheriff" that were global tubes.

Merci beaucoup de ta réponse Here4u, et encore désolé pour le rouge, j'ai pris le vert cette fois ^^
Encore merci, et je pense bien réviser mes temps cette fois !!



Réponse: Correction/Bob Marley de here4u, postée le 01-06-2014 à 18:37:20 (S | E)
Toujours sur i- pad = 3e fois que je recommence ...

Man a un pluriel irrégulier à chercher ...
The Life ... Life = abstrait => qu'est- ce qui leur arrive
The names of his parents => cas possessif
À suivre ....



Réponse: Correction/Bob Marley de lisa2468, postée le 04-06-2014 à 18:47:40 (S | E)
Bonjour, désolé de ne pas avoir répondu avant, j'ai passé mes oraux d'Economie et Art Plastique.
Pour The life, je ne vois pas quoi mettre.. Life's ?

Robert Nesta "Bob" Marley OM ( born on the 6 th of February 1945 – died on the 11th of May 1981) was a Jamaican reggae singer, songwriter and guitarist. He was born in Rhoden Hall (parish of St-Ann) in Jamaica and his parents' names were Norval Sinclair Marley and Cedella Booker.
The Life was hard and the work was scarce, Bob went to Kingston to try his luck where he met two other young men(Bunny Wailer, Peter Tosh) fascinated of ska like him.
In 1961, he began to record sounds for make money thanks to his music but it was not a success. After three years, he created the group “ The Wailers” with Bunny Wailer and Peter Tosh.
In 1963 Bob released "Simmer Down" was the first tube of the Wailers but they will not winning lot of money.(Pas trop compris :/)
Short hair, smart suits, the Wailers played the ska and the Rock Steady.
In 1966, he married to Rita Anderson.
In 1972, Bob, Peter and Bunny, who had previously worked with Jamaican producers, will coming into contact with an English producer, Chris Blacwell, who spent his childhood in Jamaica. This was the end the hard times because for 10 years, Bob had made more than 350 songs and had not success.

In 1973,their first album produced by Chris Blackwell “Catch A Fire” is sold 14 000 copies only.
The group made several successful tours across the United Kingdom and the United States. Bunny and Peter left the ship. Bob then took control and reformed the Wailers with Joe Higgs, and backing vocals, Rita, Judy Mowatt and Marcia Griffiths.
The following album on Island was "Burnin" with some old songs of the group as "Get Up Stand Up" and "I Shot The Sheriff" that were global tubes.

Merci pour tout

-------------------
Modifié par lisa2468 le 04-06-2014 18:49



Réponse: Correction/Bob Marley de here4u, postée le 04-06-2014 à 23:39:33 (S | E)
Hello
Bon ! life = nom abstrait ... Du moment qu'il n'est pas déterminé => pas d'article;
mais on écrirait 'the life (that) he had ....' parce que là, ce n''est pas n'importe quelle vie, mais celle qu'il menait ... OK ? C'est vrai de tous les noms abstraits !

Robert Nesta "Bob" Marley OM ( born on the 6 th of February 1945 – died on the 11th of May 1981) was a Jamaican reggae singer, songwriter and guitarist. He was born in Rhoden Hall (parish of St-Ann) in Jamaica and his parents' names were Norval Sinclair Marley and Cedella Booker.
The Life was hard and the work(on peut le considérer comme abstrait ou pas ... 'the work available at tht time ...) was scarce, Bob went to Kingston to try his luck where he met two other young men(Bunny Wailer, Peter Tosh) fascinated of(chercher dans dictionnaire ...) ska like him.
In 1961, he began to record sounds for(expression du but = afin de ) make money thanks to his music but it was not a success. After three years, he created the group “ The Wailers” with Bunny Wailer and Peter Tosh.
In 1963 Bob released "Simmer Down"; it was the first tube of the Wailers but they will not winning(Grrrr ..... comment forme-t-on le futur? + voc. ) a lot of money.
Short hair, smart suits, the Wailers played (the) ska and (the) Rock Steady.
In 1966, he married to Rita Anderson.
In 1972, Bob, Peter and Bunny, who had previously worked with Jamaican producers, will coming (Again ? .... Grrrr...)into contact with an English producer, Chris Blacwell, who spent his childhood in Jamaica. This was the end the hard times because for 10 years, Bob had made more than 350 songs and had not success.

In 1973,their first album produced by Chris Blackwell “Catch A Fire” is(passé nécessaire) sold 14 000 copies only.
The group made several successful tours across the United Kingdom and the United States. Bunny and Peter left the ship. Bob then took control and reformed the Wailers with Joe Higgs, and backing vocals, Rita, Judy Mowatt and Marcia Griffiths.
The following album on Island was "Burnin" with some old songs of the group as "Get Up Stand Up" and "I Shot The Sheriff" that were global tubes.

On 3 December 1976 in Kingston, he barely escaped an attack: 2 men armed(ordre des mots) infiltrated(voc) his home and opened fire onXX people present but two days after the attack, Bob Marley participateX (temps!)XX “Smile Jamaica” concert in Kingston. After 2 years, Bob Marley and the Wailers make (temps) a triumphant return to Jamaica. At the One Love Peace Concert, Bob manages to bring on stage two political enemies who XXXX fighting(temps!) for power. This is the peak of his career.5ça c'est passé en 1976 ... = passé? présent? futur? )

In 1980, after fainting during a jog in Central Park in New York, Bob Marley goes(temps + voc) an X-ray examination where five tumors, three in his brain, lungS and stomach are discovered: the cancer is widespread.= les temps ! He said nothing to his entourage and continued his concerts.
He wanted to finish his days in Jamaica, but died in Miami May 11, 1981, too weak to make the trip by plane to Kingston (ordre des mots). He was buried on May 21 in his home parish, St. Ann, in Jamaica, after a state funeral in Kingston that attractXX hundreds of thousands of persons.

Que vous a fait le passé ???






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