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Résumé/ texte

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Résumé/ texte
Message de derma posté le 29-11-2015 à 15:16:32 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je dois rédiger une "recap" d'un texte que nous avons étudié. Par la suite,je m'exprimerai à l'oral donc ne soyez pas étonnés par certaines expressions un peu familières. Merci de bien vouloir m'indiquer mes fautes afin que je puisse les corriger

This set of documents, consisting of two texts and a photo, is an extract from New Moon, written in 2006 by Stephenie Meyer.
The title is "an unexpected encounter"; the following study will enable us later to give the meaning.

In this photo, we can see a woman running in the forest. She is wearing a black vest and a flesh-colored dress but no shoes : she's barefoot. What is surprising is that she has very clear skin. We can therefore assume that she's a vampire : but that's just a guess !
In the foreground of the scene, we can see a shadow on the ground. It seems to be that of the photographer. The way he tooks the picture is quite strange because the shot is in low angle.
In addition, the picture is somewhat blurred and especially it's off-center because we do not see the face of the woman.
What for ? All this is a mystery. Maybe he's a victim tries to escape... Maybe he's the predator... Or simply a paparazzi in the forest of Hollywood.
Anyway, the text below will help us to answer these questions.

Start with text part 1 :
At the beginning of the passage, the scene takes place in a forest. There is one character, who's called Bella. She's the narrator because she speaks in the first person singular, so we are discovering the scene through her eyes.
Initially, the general atmosphere is quite calm. Bella thinks she's alone, far from any trail and didn't expect company. Moreover, different elements show that she's very weak like "despite the pain" (l.3).
Suddenly, she saw a figure between two trees which located a few meters from her but she does not recognize it, immediately.
Her first reaction is the surprise because she doesn't think meeting anyone here.
She observes it carefully and notices the face of a man who seems familiar (with black hair and pallid skin...). Unfortunately, the face wasn't the one she wanted to see (We learn that the man is called Laurent). The last three sentences suggest that he is not a really nice person. Bella is confused because she's happy to see him but uncertain about his attentions. Gradually, the tension mounts and the suspense builds.

Let me move to part 2 of this document.
In this extract, two characters are present : Bella and Laurent and other names are mentioned : James and Victoria.
Their relationship seems very complicated. Thanks to several elements of the text, we can guess that Bella and Laurent are not good friends : "fear would have made more sense" (l.1). In addition, it is reported on line 7 that Laurent is a vampire, which is not very reassuring.
Apparently victoria and james are wicked characters and looking for Bella: "who had hunted me" (L.12).
This passage is quite special because Bella is not scared face to Laurent. However, this situation is very dangerous but the feelings of Bella are confused. In fact, there's something supernatural in Laurent, he's both attractive and evil. Bella is like "bewitched" by this black magic and feels a connection between them. We can now understand the sense of the title "an unexpected encounter". Indeed, this meeting beetwin the world of humains and vampires is very unexpected.

At the end of the text, Laurent says '"about me killing you". Bella is suddenly terrified because she realizes that she's in real danger.
In fact, she understood that laurent has come to kill her. END

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-11-2015 15:46


Réponse: Résumé/ texte de dsmith, postée le 29-11-2015 à 15:56:56 (S | E)
Hello,

Very well done! congratulations. Here are some suggestions/corrections:

The way he tooks the picture - "tooks" is not correct.

the shot is in low angle. ... better "at a low angle."

the picture is somewhat blurred ...I prefer "blurry". blurred is an adjective but almost implies someone actively did something to blur the photo. blurry is a generic adjective to say it is not in focus.

Maybe he's a victim tries to escape. -> Use the present continuous "trying"

in the first person singular. She never says "we"?? I think it's simpler just to say she speaks in the first person.

Suddenly, she saw a figure between two trees which located a few meters from her... -> which xxx located -> you are missing a word here.

Her first reaction is the surprise... remove the word "the" - emotions like that don't use the definate article.
she doesn't think meeting anyone here. -> this isn't correct. Try using expect + infinitive. instead of "think meeting. "
uncertain about his attentions. -> maybe the word intentions is better?? we don't say attention with an s. always singular but I'm not clear what you mean.

Bella is not scared face to Laurent. -> you've translated word for word here. It doesn't work in English. she is not scared to face Laurent. She is not scared when face to face with Laurent. She is not scared when she is in front of Laurent. She is not scared to see Laurent.

Bella is like "bewitched" by this black magic..."like" is awkward here. somewhat bewitched...or...in a way bewitched

Indeed, this meeting beetwin the world of humains and vampires is very unexpected. -> two misspelled words in this sentence.

Excellent!



Réponse: Résumé/ texte de here4u, postée le 29-11-2015 à 16:47:01 (S | E)
hello derma !

This set of documents, consisting of two texts and a photo, is an extract from New Moon, written in 2006 by Stephenie Meyer.
The title is "an unexpected encounter"; the following study will enable us later to give the meaning.(it would be good to link these 2 sentences...)

In this photo, we can see a woman running in the forest. She is wearing a black vest and a flesh-colored dress but no shoes : she's barefooted. What is surprising is that she has very clear skin(she's clear-skinned). We can therefore assume that she's a vampire : but that's just a guess !
In the foreground of the scene, we can see a shadow on the ground. It seems to be that of the photographer. The way he tooks the picture is quite strange because the shot is in low angle.
In addition, the picture is somewhat blurred and especially it's off-center because we do not see the face of the woman.
What for (=clumsy - Rephrase!)? All this is a mystery. Maybe he's a victim tries to escape... Maybe he's the predator... Or simply a paparazzi in the forest of Hollywood.
Anyway, the text below will help us to answer these questions.

Start with text part 1 :
At the beginning of the passage, the scene takes place in a forest. There is one character, who's called Bella. She's the narrator because she speaks in the first person singular, so we are discovering the scene through her eyes.
Initially, the general atmosphere is quite calm. Bella thinks she's alone, far from any trail and didn't expect company.(mélange des temps?) Moreover, different elements show that she's very weak like "despite the pain" (l.3).
Suddenly, she saw a figure between two trees which XXX (=auxiliary?) located a few meters from her but she does not recognize it, immediately.
Her first reaction is the surprise because she doesn't think meeting anyone herevery clumsy ... and choose your tenses!).
She observes it carefully and notices the face of a man who seems familiar (with black hair and pallid skin...). Unfortunately, the face wasn't the one she wanted to see (We learn that the man is called Laurent). The last three sentences suggest that he is not a really nice person. Bella is confused because she's happy to see him but uncertain about his attentions. Gradually, the tension mounts and the suspense builds= aspect!.

Let me move to part 2 of this document.
In this extract, two characters are present : Bella and Laurent and other names are mentioned : James and Victoria.
Their relationship seems to be very complicated. Thanks to several elements of the text, we can guess that Bella and Laurent are not good friends : "fear would have made more sense" (l.1). In addition, it is reported on line 7 that Laurent is a vampire, which is not very reassuring.
Apparently vVictoria and jJames are wicked characters and looking for Bella: "who had hunted me" (L.12).
This passage is quite special because Bella is not scared face to Laurent. However, this situation is very dangerous but the feelings of Bella are confused. In fact, there's something supernatural in Laurent, he's both attractive and evil. Bella is like "bewitched" by this black magic and feels a connection between them. We can now understand the sense of the title "an unexpected encounter". Indeed, this meeting beetwin the world of humains and vampires is very unexpected.

At the end of the text, Laurent says '"about me killing you". Bella is suddenly terrified because she realizes that she's in real danger.
In fact, she understood that laurent has come to kill her. the END

This narrative present is really disturbing... (+ parfois tendance à la paraphrase du texte ...)



Réponse: Résumé/ texte de dsmith, postée le 29-11-2015 à 17:07:48 (S | E)
J'ai oublié quelque chose. Tu reçois un prix...tu as utilisé un mot que même moi ne connaissais pas. "pallid". I had to look it up in the dictionary. It's a perfect word for this story. Good job!

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-11-2015 17:17
No mark please.



Réponse: Résumé/ texte de derma, postée le 29-11-2015 à 17:32:29 (S | E)
J'ai essayé de corriger un maximum qu'en pensez-vous ??

This set of documents, consisting of two texts and a photo, is an extract from New Moon, written in 2006 by Stephenie Meyer.
The title is "an unexpected encounter"; the following study will enable us later to give the meaning.

In this photo, we can see a woman running in the forest. She is wearing a black vest and a flesh-colored dress but no shoes : she's barefooted. What is surprising is that she she's clear-skinned. We can therefore assume that she's a vampire : but that's just a guess !
In the foreground of the scene, we can see a shadow on the ground. It seems to be that of the photographer. The way he took the picture is quite strange because the shot is at a low angle.
In addition, the picture is somewhat blury and especially it's off-center because we do not see the woman's face.
What for (=clumsy - Rephrase!)? All this is a mystery. Maybe he's a victim trying to escape... Maybe he's the predator... Or simply a paparazzi in the forest of Hollywood.
Anyway, the text below will help us to answer these questions.

Start with text part 1 :
At the beginning of the passage, the scene takes place in a forest. There is one character, who's called Bella. She's the narrator because she speaks in the first person, so we are discovering the scene through her eyes.
Initially, the general atmosphere is quite calm. Bella thinks she's alone, far from any trail and didn't expect company.(mélange des temps?) Moreover, different elements show that she's very weak like "despite the pain" (l.3).
Suddenly, she saw a figure between two trees which is located a few meters from her but she does not recognize it, immediately.
Her first reaction is surprise because she didn't expect to meet anyone here.
She observes it carefully and notices the face of a man who seems familiar (with black hair and pallid skin...). Unfortunately, the face wasn't the one she wanted to see (We learn that the man is called Laurent). The last three sentences suggest that he is not a really nice person. Bella is confused because she's happy to see him but uncertain about his intentions. Gradually, the tension mounts and the suspense builds= aspect ? Comment ça ?

Let me move to part 2 of this document.
In this extract, two characters are present : Bella and Laurent and other names are mentioned : James and Victoria.
Their relationship seems to be very complicated. Thanks to several elements of the text, we can guess that Bella and Laurent are not good friends : "fear would have made more sense" (l.1). In addition, it is reported on line 7 that Laurent is a vampire, which is not very reassuring.
Apparently vVictoria and jJames are wicked characters and looking for Bella: "who had hunted me" (L.12).
This passage is quite special because Bella is not scared when face to face with Laurent. However, this situation is very dangerous but the Bella's feelings are confused. In fact, there's something supernatural in Laurent, he's both attractive and evil. Bella is somewhat bewitched by this black magic and feels a connection between them. We can now understand the sense of the title "an unexpected encounter". Indeed, this meeting between the world of Human and vampires is very unexpected.

At the end of the text, Laurent says '"about me killing you". Bella is suddenly terrified because she realizes that she's in real danger.
In fact, she understood that laurent has come to kill her. the END



Réponse: Résumé/ texte de dsmith, postée le 29-11-2015 à 17:56:38 (S | E)
Hello, I've marked some things you need to fix.

This set of documents, consisting of two texts and a photo, is an extract from New Moon, written in 2006 by Stephenie Meyer.
The title is "an unexpected encounter"; the following study will enable us later to give the meaning.

In this photo, we can see a woman running in the forest. She is wearing a black vest and a flesh-colored dress but no shoes : she's barefooted. What is surprising is that she she's clear-skinned. We can therefore assume that she's a vampire : but that's just a guess !
In the foreground of the scene, we can see a shadow on the ground. It seems to be that of the photographer. The way he took the picture is quite strange because the shot is at a low angle.
In addition, the picture is somewhat blury (spelling) and especially it's off-center because we do not see the woman's face.
What for (=clumsy - Rephrase!)? All this is a mystery. Maybe he's a victim trying to escape... Maybe he's the predator... Or simply a paparazzi in the forest of Hollywood.
Anyway, the text below will help us to answer these questions.

Start with text part 1 :
At the beginning of the passage, the scene takes place in a forest. There is one character, who's called Bella. She's the narrator because she speaks in the first person, so we are discovering the scene through her eyes.
Initially, the general atmosphere is quite calm. Bella thinks she's alone, far from any trail and didn't (mettre en présent) expect company.(mélange des temps?) Moreover, different elements show that she's very weak like "despite the pain" (l.3).
Suddenly, she saw (mettre en présent) a figure between two trees which is located a few meters from her but she does not recognize it, immediately.
Her first reaction is surprise because she didn't expect to meet anyone here.
She observes it carefully and notices the face of a man who seems familiar (with black hair and pallid skin...). Unfortunately, the face wasn't the one she wanted to see (We learn that the man is called Laurent). The last three sentences suggest that he is not a really nice person. Bella is confused because she's happy to see him but uncertain about his intentions. Gradually, the tension mounts and the suspense builds= aspect ? Comment ça ?

Let me move to part 2 of this document.
In this extract, two characters are present : Bella and Laurent and other names are mentioned : James and Victoria.
Their relationship seems to be very complicated. Thanks to several elements of the text, we can guess that Bella and Laurent are not good friends : "fear would have made more sense" (l.1). In addition, it is reported on line 7 that Laurent is a vampire, which is not very reassuring.
Apparently vVictoria and jJames are wicked characters and looking for Bella: "who had hunted me" (L.12).
This passage is quite special because Bella is not scared when face to face with Laurent. However, this situation is very dangerous but the Bella's feelings are confused. In fact, there's something supernatural in Laurent, he's both attractive and evil. Bella is somewhat bewitched by this black magic and feels a connection between them. We can now understand the sense of the title "an unexpected encounter". Indeed, this meeting between the world of Human and vampires is very unexpected.

At the end of the text, Laurent says "about me killing you". Bella is suddenly terrified because she realizes that she's in real danger.
In fact, she understood that laurent has come to kill her. the END

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-11-2015 18:41
Pas de rouge, merci.



Réponse: Résumé/ texte de derma, postée le 03-12-2015 à 19:07:17 (S | E)
Bonjour, j'ai effectué les dernières modifications. Merci beaucoup !




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