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Correction/ exposé

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/ exposé
Message de dlbial posté le 26-01-2016 à 22:43:37 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je dois faire une "présentation" pour la FAC sur un sujet au choix. J'ai choisi de parler de Noël et de son aspect économique.
Voici ce que j'ai fait. Pouvez-vous m'aider à corriger les fautes ? en vous remerciant par avance !

Intro :
So i would like to speak about Christmas and his important economic impact in our socities.
My presentation will be divided into 2 parts :
- First of all i will speak about the history of christmas and his celebration
- In a second part i would like to explain why Christmas is now essential for our economy

I-Christmas history
Christmas is a feast which is celebrated during the night between the 24th and the 25th of December and during the day of the 25th. It is celebrates every year.
Firstly this feast was the day of the birth of the sun, the day of the feast named Sol Invictus in the IIIth century.
Secondly, the 25th of december is also the date of the birth of Jesus christ. So during that time Christians commemorate this birth. And the world Christianized and the 25th which was at first celebrates Sol Invictus became Christmas so this feast was transformed into a Christian special day in the IVth century.
For christians, christmas is the most important day in the calendar with Easter. It is a symbolic day.
Christmas spread in the West but because the world was under a strong influence of the the West (then ?) Christmas was celebrated in many countries in the world.
In some countries, Christmas day is an holiday so that is means that nobody has to work excepting some people (like firemen or policemen).
Nowadays the religious aspect of Christmas is decreasing but the tradition of the feast is still respected.
There are different ways to celebrate Christmas according to the religion, to the culture.

-For Christians, the most important point is to go to church to pray and to spend time with family. But there is also a tradition of exchange of presents to reproduce the presentation of the offerings of the Wise men (= les rois mages) to the child Jesus.

-Christmas became also a cultural feast : almost all westerns (= les occidentaux) celebrate Christmas
So the feast is above all an opportunity to get together with family and to exchange, to give presents.
But now, christmas is essential for the economy of our western countries, Christmas is now a buisiness like other special day such as Valentine’s day.

II-The economic aspect of Christmas
Christmas is became a popular feast.
People who are not christians celebrate christmas and today it is a big commercial feast.
Every shops or nearly every shops do a big advertising campaign around Christmas and it begin just after Halloween so almost 2 months before the d-day.
Christmas is today a real buisness :
It is a buisiness specially around :
- food
- toys
- décoration
- and everything that can be offer as a present
Christmas time begin with the time of Advent. This time is also commercialised with the famous advent calendar which was first with chocolate but now it can be with objects and there is also advent calendar for adults. Each brand can create his own advent calendar.
So advent calendars are a part of chrismas business.
Food is also something to allow brand to do buisiness because families get together so it is a good apology to do big dinners.
In fact during christmas time, sales of chocolates and of luxury food are increasing.
For exemple, in France sales of foie gras are multiplied by 3 in december.
An other way to do buisiness during christmas time is the decorative art with christmas decorations. In fact this market has evolved with the development of decorations contest.

But the most important way to do benefits is still the market of toys and more recently the market of new technologies.
In fact more than 2,5 billions of people celebrate christmas and give presents.
In the deep past,( a long time ago) only children receive presents but today everybody who celebrates christmas receive presents.
A long time ago children received mandarine or socks but now presents are evolved and for exemple,one of the toys which was the most sold for this christmas is a touch pad named Storio 5.
The market of new technologies make a lot of profits during christmas time. A recent studies shows that phone and touch pad are very offered comme present for christmas.
Moreover christmas economic impact is reinforced with internet purchases because it is easier to buy on line than in a shop because you can do it when you want and it is fast.
We can show the economic power of christmas with the sales of presents that people don’t like and they sell to an other person on internet.

To conclude, nowadays christmas is an economic phenomenon but stay a family feast.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 27-01-2016 07:14


Réponse: Correction/ exposé de laure95, postée le 29-01-2016 à 15:14:58 (S | E)
Bonjour,
-So i (majuscule) would like to speak about Christmas and his (pas le bon possessif: Christmas n'est pas un homme) important.
-and his celebration: même remarque.

I-Christmas history
- It is célébrâtes: cette forme verbale n'existe pas.
- IIIth: ne se présente pas de cette façon + "th" n'est pas bon.
- was at first célébrâtes
- in the IVth century.
- an holiday: AN + MOT COMMENCANT PAR UN SON-VOYELLE.
-so that is means: ça n'existe pas.
- -Christmas became (à mettre au present perfect).
- a buisiness (orthographe) like (il manque un petit mot) other special day such as Valentine’s day.

II-The economic aspect of Christmas
- Christmas is became: ça n'existe pas.
- Every shops: EVERY + SINGULIER.
-or nearly every shops.
- it begin: conjugaison.
- and everything that can be offer: CAN + BE + PARTICIPE PASSE.
- Christmas time begin: conjugaison.
-there is also (il manque un article) advent calendar for adults.
- Each brand can create his (pas le bon possessif) own advent calendar.
- (il manque un article) sales of chocolates (ne se met pas au pluriel).
- For exemple: orthographe.
- (article) sales of foie gras
- In the deep past,( a long time ago) only children receive: passé.
- everybody who celebrates christmas receive (conjugaison)presents.
- now presents are Evolved: present perfect.
- and for exemple.
- one of the toys which was the most sold for this christmas is: passé.
- The market of new technologies make:conjugaison.
- Moreover (article) christmas economic impact.

-stay (pas le bon mot dans ce contexte)a family feast.
Ta conclusion est trop courte.




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