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Message de tophe64 posté le 27-04-2016 à 10:48:36 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
je viens vers vous car avec mon groupe nous composons des chansons, nous avons un nouveau texte que j'aimerais soumettre à vos corrections.
It’s time to take your car and leave Sin City
(And) go straight to the north until your tank is empty
Maybe you will find this very strange place
In the middle of the desert or in the outer space
So stop here now and breath the air
And take your hot liquor’s tankard
So let the liquid, warm up your body
Take the magic pill and get ready for the trip
I do not know why everything seems so quiet,
while my brain is on fire
The desert breaks my head into two pieces
But I've never felt so relaxed, am I crazy?
it sounds much better out of the city
If I knew my way, I wouldn't feel so dizzy
The desert looks like a frozen land
Her hot outline arose from the sand
You feel her tongue of fire throughout your body.
You will have to wait to become someone so godly
You wake up hardly, the throat dry
……………it’s time to leave the desert now
With only in memory her goddess body
Everything sounds better when you’re out of the city
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 27-04-2016 12:28
En principe nous ne prenons pas ce genre de demande; ayant eu une réponse, je laisse votre topic.
Message de tophe64 posté le 27-04-2016 à 10:48:36 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
je viens vers vous car avec mon groupe nous composons des chansons, nous avons un nouveau texte que j'aimerais soumettre à vos corrections.
It’s time to take your car and leave Sin City
(And) go straight to the north until your tank is empty
Maybe you will find this very strange place
In the middle of the desert or in the outer space
So stop here now and breath the air
And take your hot liquor’s tankard
So let the liquid, warm up your body
Take the magic pill and get ready for the trip
I do not know why everything seems so quiet,
while my brain is on fire
The desert breaks my head into two pieces
But I've never felt so relaxed, am I crazy?
it sounds much better out of the city
If I knew my way, I wouldn't feel so dizzy
The desert looks like a frozen land
Her hot outline arose from the sand
You feel her tongue of fire throughout your body.
You will have to wait to become someone so godly
You wake up hardly, the throat dry
……………it’s time to leave the desert now
With only in memory her goddess body
Everything sounds better when you’re out of the city
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 27-04-2016 12:28
En principe nous ne prenons pas ce genre de demande; ayant eu une réponse, je laisse votre topic.
Réponse: Correction /texte de gerondif, postée le 27-04-2016 à 11:02:28 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Bonjour je viens vers vous car avec mon groupe nous composons des chansons, nous avons un nouveau texte que j'aimerais soumettre à vos corrections.
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert
It’s time to take your car and leave Sin City
(And) go straight (to the) North until your tank is empty
Maybe you will find this very strange place ( vous trouverez ce très étrange endroit ou vous trouverez cet endroit très étrange: you will find this place very strange, ça ne change pas la rime)
In the middle of the desert or in
So stop here now and breath the air (breath est un nom, breathe [bri:
]est le verbe, avec un i long et le son the)And take your hot liquor’s(supprimer) tankard
So let the liquid,(virgule à ôter) warm up your body
Take the magic pill and get ready for the trip
I do not know why everything seems so quiet,
while my brain is on fire
The desert breaks my head into two pieces
But I've never felt so relaxed, am I crazy?
it sounds much better out of the city
If I knew my way, I wouldn't feel so dizzy
The desert looks like a frozen land
Her hot outline arose from the sand
You feel her tongue of fire throughout your body.
You will have to wait to become someone so godly
You wake up hardly(mal placé et mal employé: you can hardly wake up), the throat dry (with a dry throat)
……………it’s time to leave the desert now
With only in memory her goddess body
Everything sounds better when you’re out of the city
Réponse: Correction /texte de tophe64, postée le 27-04-2016 à 11:40:05 (S | E)
Merci gerondif, j'ai honte pour mes fautes de français, ça m'apprendra à me relire pour la prochaine fois.
Pour la fin du coup je pense mettre plutôt "You wake up with difficulty, your throat is dry" ou "Waking up with difficulty, your throat is dry"
Réponse: Correction /texte de gerondif, postée le 27-04-2016 à 14:12:35 (S | E)
Hello,
You find it hard to wake up // It's hard for you to wake up
Réponse: Correction /texte de tophe64, postée le 27-04-2016 à 14:57:23 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour cet énorme coup de main.
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