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Correction/Indiens

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/Indiens
Message de wxoceane posté le 28-04-2016 à 17:21:36 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je dois rédiger un flyer dans le but de défendre les Indins face à ce qu'ils sont devenus aujourd'hui pour les Américains.
Et j'ai besoin d'aide pour la correction de mon texte.. Merci beaucoup à celui qui m'aidera !

Columbus day
Since 1929
Each years, October 12th

You are used to participate in this holiday since your youngest age...But do you really know why does it exist?
What is it? Columbus day is a national holiday organized in America to celebrate the anniversary of Christopher Columbus' arrival in and discovery on America which happened on October 12, 1492. This event is also celebrated in other countries such as Spain or America Latina.

Who is Christopher Columbus? Born in Italy in 1451, Christopher Columbus was an explorer and a sailor. Searching a shorter road to go toward what it called India Oriental, he left Spain to do his first trip on a ship in direction of the West. When he arrived on the american ground, he believed of being on the Indian ground, that's why he called the local people, the Indians. This country was nicknamed The New world.

Who are really The Indians? The Indians are simply the first community installed in the american ground, contrary to what we could think. 400 years ago, a lot of pilgrims were persecuted by King James I because he didn't let them pray to god as they liked, that's why they decided to fled from England. Then, they sailed on the Mayflower, their ship, in poor conditions and they wanted to join Holland. However, they arrived in America during November, where the kind Indians helped them to survive in front of cold and snow. The Indians were really friendly, they taught them how to plant corn, barley and wheat. Finally, to celebrate that, they decided to have a party together: The Thanksgiving party.

How the Indians are seen in America?
In spite of their kindness, they were victims of many injustices and atrocious things.
In 1838, the Indians were forced out from homelands in the Southern Appalachians. Their houses were burn and everything was stolen. They suffered from many diseases and they were given maggoty food. This terrible event was called “The trail of tears” because many people cried. Furthermore, the Indians are not well perceived by the education.
On textbooks or western films, we often can see that many Indians are puzzled and infuriated. Sometimes, they are even compared to savages, killers or self-sacrificing people. In brief, as you can see through theses examples, there are a lot of stereotypes about the Native Americans because, firstly, of all stories written about them where they are described in very different ways depending on the story. Indians aren't depicted in a realistic way because it's only the point of view of the white people, not the one of Indians.

Nowadays, there is a kind of discrimination towards the Native Americans.
Why?
The white people spread a vision of Native Americans (Indians) which is false. Since many years, all people follow this point of view without looking for the truth. Now, in USA, a majority of Native Americans are poor, excluded of the society rallied in communities while this ground is, at first, theirs.
Why isn't good to celebrate Columbus day?
Celebrating this holiday, you forget that America belonged to the Indians, not the Americans who live in America today. In some ways, you celebrate the seizure of the Indian territory.
After reading this leaflet, want you always feast this holiday ? And would you be more nice to the Indians?
Or maybe, you are one of those that they were it already...

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 28-04-2016 20:26


Réponse: Correction/Indiens de gerondif, postée le 28-04-2016 à 18:17:50 (S | E)
Bonjour,
vous traduisez du français mot-à-mot, ou du wikipedia, ce qui donne parfois des phrases incompréhensibles, par exemple la dernière: peut-être que vous êtes un de ceux qui l'étaient déja ,Or maybe, you are one of those that they were it already...

erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert

You are(present perfect avec depuis) used to participate(gérondif, ing) in this holiday since your youngest age...But do you really know why does it exist (style indirect, pas d'inversion)?

What is it? Columbus day is a national holiday organized in America to celebrate the anniversary of Christopher Columbus's arrival in and discovery on America which happened on October 12th, 1492. This event is also celebrated in other countries such as Spain or America Latina(c'est du latin ?).

Who is Christopher Columbus? Born in Italy in 1451, Christopher Columbus was an explorer and a sailor. Searching(c'est le verbe fouiller, utilisez look for) a shorter road to go toward what it was called India Oriental( the West Indies), he left Spain to do his first trip on a ship in direction of the West. When he arrived on the american ground, he believed of being on the Indian ground, that's why he called the local people, the Indians. This country was nicknamed The New world.

Who are really The Indians? The Indians are simply the first community installed in(sur) the american ground, contrary to what we could think. 400 years ago, a lot of pilgrims were persecuted by King James I because he didn't let them pray to god as they liked, that's why they decided to fled(infinitif) from England. Then, they sailed on the Mayflower, their ship, in poor conditions and they wanted to join Holland (non, ce serait une sacrée erreur de navigation. Ils visaient la Virginie et sont arrivés bien plus au nord)). However, they arrived in America during(in) November, where the kind Indians helped them to survive in front of(ne va pas) cold and snow. The Indians were really friendly, they taught them how to plant corn, barley and wheat. Finally, to celebrate that, they decided to have a party together: The Thanksgiving party.

How are the Indians are seen in America ?(donc style direct)
In spite of their kindness, they were victims of many injustices and atrocious things.
In 1838, the Indians were forced out from their homelands in the Southern Appalachians. Their houses were burn(participe passé) and everything was stolen. They suffered from many diseases and they were given maggoty food. This terrible event was called “The trail of tears” because many people cried. Furthermore, the Indians are not well perceived by the education.(sens??)

On textbooks or western films, we can often see that many Indians are puzzled and infuriated. Sometimes, they are even compared to savages, killers or self-sacrificing people. In brief, as you can see through theses examples, there are a lot of stereotypes about the Native Americans because, firstly, of all the stories written about them where they are described in very different ways depending on the story. Indians aren't depicted in a realistic way because it's only the point of view of the white people, not the one of the Indians.

Nowadays, there is a kind of discrimination towards the Native Americans.
Why?
The white people spread a vision of Native Americans (Indians) which is false. Since(mauvais choix de depuis: since + date, for + durée) many years, all people follow(present perfect avec depuis) this point of view without looking for the truth. Now, in the USA, a majority of Native Americans are poor, excluded offrom the society, rallied in communities while this ground is, at first, theirs.

Why isn't it good to celebrate Columbus day?

Celebrating this holiday, you forget that America belonged to the Indians, not the Americans who live in America today. In some ways, you celebrate the seizure of the Indian territory.

After reading this leaflet, want you(Aïe! La forme interrogative en do!!) always to celebrate feast this holiday ? (always, toujours au sens de continuellement, sans arrêt, ne va pas. Il vous faut le toujours au sens de encore) And would you be more nice (nice se prononce en une seule syllabe [nais] et donc est considéré comme court) to the Indians?

Or maybe, you are one of those that they were it already...



Réponse: Correction/Indiens de wxoceane, postée le 28-04-2016 à 19:17:41 (S | E)
Merci de votre réponse, je corrige tout ça !!




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