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Correction/lettre motivation

Cours gratuits > Forum > Thèmes généraux, jeux || En bas

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Correction/lettre motivation
Message de mody23 posté le 08-02-2018 à 12:50:21 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai rédigé une lettre de motivation pour une candidature en tant qu'assistant de langue et j'aimerais qu'elle soit relue et corrigé avant d'être envoyée.
Merci de votre aide.

Dear Madam, Sir,
Holder of a Bachelor's degree in Sciences of education and currrently in my fist year of Master degree, I submit you my candidature to integrate assistant program of french language in the United Kingdom.

Strong of my school course and my various professional experiences, I was able to integrate for several periods both primary and secondary education and be in contact with children and teenagers. Indeed, I work regularly for school holidays as organiser in various structures welcoming young poeple. I also intervened for nine months, during a civic service with the rights Defender, in colleges with 6th and 5th grade classes to promote and educate students about children's rights.
During this one, I acquired many competences and particularly how to adapt my interventions to the public, to communicate and work with different parners or to creat and implement interactive and playful animations, which is for me, a real asset for this post. My academic background also brought me many knowlegde of educational environment and new technologies that I use regularly for my studies.

So, I decided to apply for United Kingdom because on the one hand, it is the second language that I practice since the beginning of my schooling and that I use during my travelling abroard. And on the other hand, I had the opportunity to go to England for several times and I particularly appreciate the lifestyle and the cultural wealth of this country. That's why I chose East Sussex as my first regional choise for the richness of its natural spaces which attract me particularly and its proximity with Brighton and London cities, Essex Country as second choise and Wales because it is a rich historical and culural territory.

During this year as language assistant, i would like not only to discover another culture and develop my linguistic abilities, but also to discover new pedagogies and teaching practices. That would allow me, moreover, to apply all my competences acquired up to now while acquiring and developing new knowledge and a broader vision of educational environment and teaching. Organized by nature, dynamic and appreciating human contact, this new experience would be a personnel and professional enrichment for me.

Thank you for your interest in my candidacy and please accept, Madam, Sir, my best regards.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 08-02-2018 14:02


Réponse : Correction/lettre motivation de lucile83, postée le 09-02-2018 à 08:22:37 (S | E)
anyone?



Réponse : Correction/lettre motivation de mody23, postée le 09-02-2018 à 10:22:58 (S | E)
Connaissez-vous sinon d'autres moyens qui peuvent m'aider à corriger ma lettre ?



Réponse : Correction/lettre motivation de bluestar, postée le 09-02-2018 à 16:22:12 (S | E)
Dear Madam, Sir,

BONJOUR..
Erreurs en bleu, quelques suggestions en vert

As a holder Holder of a Bachelor's degree in Sciences of education and currrently in my fist year of Master's degree, I submit you my candidature to integrate I wish to apply to join the assistant program of French| language in the United Kingdom as an assistant.

Strong of my school course (maladroit)and my various professional experiences, I was able to integrate take part for several periods in both primary and secondary education and be in contact with children and teenagers. Indeed, I work regularly for school holidays as organiser in various structures welcoming young poeple. I also intervened for nine months, during a civic service with the rights Defender, in colleges with 6th and 5th grade classes to promote and educate students about children's rights.
During this one, I acquired many competences and particularly learned how to adapt my interventions to the public, to communicate and work with different parners or to creat and implement interactive and playful animations, which is for me, a real asset for this post. My academic background also brought me many knowlegde of educational environment and new technologies that I use regularly for my studies.

----------
Desole, je dois partir
----------
Modifié par lucile83 le 09-02-2018 22:42
Bug réparé.



Réponse : Correction/lettre motivation de here4u, postée le 09-02-2018 à 17:02:08 (S | E)
Hello! (Bug couleur, dirait-on! )

I'll go on, but I'm having a hard time too...

So, I've decided to apply for THE United Kingdom (très maladroit! on ne pose pas sa candidature pour "le RU", mais pour un poste au RU ...)because on the one hand, it English is the second language that I practice(orthographe + temps .... avec SINCE! ) since the beginning of my schooling and that I use during my travelling abroard. And (pas de "and" en début de phrase) on the other hand, I had the opportunity to go to England for several times and I particularly appreciate the lifestyle and the cultural wealth of this country. That's why I chose East Sussex as my first regional choise for the richness of its natural spaces which attract me particularly(ordre des mots) and its proximity with Brighton and London cities, Essex Country as second choise and Wales because it is a rich historical and culural territory.

During this year as X language assistant, i would like not only to discover another culture and develop my linguistic abilities, but also to discover new pedagogies and teaching practices. That would allow me, moreover,(mal placé !) to apply all my competences acquired up to nowvery clumsy) while acquiring and developing new knowledge and a broader vision of XX educational environment and ?? teaching. Organized by nature,(clumsy) dynamic and appreciating human contact, (here, you're saying that the "experience" is organised ...)this new experience would be a personnel and professional enrichment for me.

Thank you for your interest in my candidacy and please accept, Madam, Sir, my best regards.

Tendance à reproduire des structures françaises qui ne "disent rien" en anglais ... ainsi qu'à chercher l'utilisation de mots transparents ...
Sorry, I can't do more for now... "Last minute" corrections are hard on us...

Edit: Thanks for fixing the colour bug, Lucile ...





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