My cover letter/aide

My cover letter/aide
Message de mandy78 posté le 09-03-2015 à 22:37:35 (S | E | F)
Hello à tous!
je postule en ce moment pour partir un an en Erasmus l'année prochaine en Angleterre, et je dois rendre une lettre de motivation. Ce serait vraiment adorable si une/des personnes pouvait corriger les fautes ou même de donner son avis sur ce qu'il faudrait ajouter ou enlever Je vous remercie énormément pour le temps que vous prendrez pour m'aider,
Bonne soirée.

Dear Sir or Madam

Presently, I am a second-year student in english language, literature and civilisation. I am very interested in joining for a semester your university thanks to the Erasmus program.
I really like the studies I am following. I am passionate about the english culture and did not conceive of finishing them without passing a semester in an english environment.
I would like to go to Leeds, first of all because it is a modern international city, situated in the center of the United Kingdom, which enables to explore Yorkshire and all the country. Moreover Leeds Beckett is a well-known university which has excellent International student barometer rankings. This study exchange would fulfill both my personal and professional aspirations.
Thanks for your time and consideration. Feel free to contact me if I can provide any additional information. I look forward to hearing from you and meeting you in the near future.
Yours faithfully,

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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-03-2015 22:40

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Réponse: My cover letter/aide de here4u, postée le 10-03-2015 à 17:29:15 (S | E)
HELLO
blue = wrong
xxx= clumsy(un English...!)
green = suggestion
XXX missing elements


Dear Sir or Madam

Presently, I am a second-year student in english (language, literature and civilisation). I am very interested in joining for a semester your university (word order)thanks to the Erasmus program.
I really like the studies I am following. I am passionate about the english culture and did not conceive of finishing them without passing a semester in an english environment.
I would like to go to Leeds, first of all because it is a modern international city, situated in the center of the United Kingdom, which enables to explore Yorkshire and all the country. Moreover Leeds Beckett is a well-known university which has excellent International student barometer rankings. This study exchange would fulfill both my personal and professional aspirations.
Thanks for your time and consideration. Feel free to contact me if I can provide any additional information. I look forward to hearing from you and meeting you in the near future.
Yours faithfully,

In my opinion, you're not telling enough about yourself. What makes you different from any other student? What would you bring that others wouldn't ? Why they should take you, in fact... It should be much more personal... (your activities, hobbies, tastes, achievements, passions....)
Good luck.

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Réponse: My cover letter/aide de mandy78, postée le 10-03-2015 à 18:34:06 (S | E)
Je te remercie infiniment! Je vais corriger ça de suite et parler plus de moi. Si je suis prise je t'enverrai des fish and chips! Ahah bonne soirée à toi et merci encore d'avoir pris ce temps pour m'aider.

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