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Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais
Tout ce qui a un rapport avec l'apprentissage de l'anglais: grammaire, orthographe, aides aux devoirs, phrases etc.

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In the future ( correction)
Message de hicouco posté le 06-05-2006 à 16:32:50 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour.
Voilà j'aurais besoin d'aide en anglais,j'ai une rédaction de 200 mots à faire dont le thème est " what do you want to do in the future? why?"
je l'ai faite et j'aimerais qu'on me corrige les fautes les plus grossières et les fautes de grammaire aussi,car je pense qu'il doit y en avoir beaucoup car c'est mon point faible. merci d'avance.

The future represents for me the freedom.I have a lot of projects.I want to left my house and to travel in the world.I dont want to live in France,I want to go live in Spain.I would go to south America for exemple,and in China,Australia,Brésil,Chili..I want to discover a lot of contries.
But my first dream is: become a nurse.It's very important for me.I work the examen since one year.It's more difficult because I have only two books and my computer.Moreover the books are more expensive,my uncle has me offered books for my birthday.I want work with young people,particulary handicapped children.And service of psychiatry interress me.I find this job fabulous,you can work in a lot of services,there are more possibility.And you can move and to evolve.For the moment I want get my examen (bac),this is the priority.
When i will become adult I want to go in more parties,concerts,raves,with my friends.But I dont see my futur life with my boyfriend.Perhaps in the future I will have a baby,I would children,but to be married is a dream of little girl and the real life is not a dream of little girl.
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Modifié par bridg le 06-05-2006 16:40
+ Titre

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Réponse: aide rédaction d'anglais de jean31, postée le 06-05-2006 à 17:23:25 (S | E)
Bonjour hicouco,

Mes propositions de correction/amélioration sont en majuscules, as usual.

The future represents (0) freedom for me. I have/MAKE
a lot of PLANS. I want to LEAVE [infinitif] (0) HOME and travel THROUGHOUT the world. I don't want to live in France BUT go AND live in Spain. I would LIKE TO go to south America for exAmple, and VISIT China, Australia, BrAZil, ChilE. I want to discover a lot of couNtries.
But my first dream is TO become a nurse, WHICH (= ce qui) is very important for me. I HAVE BEEN STUDYING (present perfect dans ce type de phrase) FOR THIS exam FOR one year. It's VERY difficult because I ONLY have two books and my computer. Moreover (0) books are QUITE expensive and my uncle OFFERED (action datée et terminée et coupée du présent = prétérit) me SOME for my birthday. I WISH I COULD work with young people, particularly handicapped children. I AM ALSO interestED in psychiatry. I find BEING A NURSE is a fabulous job because you can work in a lot of services/UNITS AND YOU ARE GIVEN MANY OPPORTUNITIES. You can ALSO move and ADVANCE/evolve. PRESENTLY I want to PASS (= réussir) my final exam, (bac) WHICH is my priority.
When I AM (présent obligatoire dans la subordonnée) an adult I WILL ATTEND (futur dans la principale = j'assisterai à) parties, concerts, raves with my friends. But I don't see my futurE life with my boyfriend. Perhaps in the future I will have a baby. IN FACT, I would LIKE TO HAVE SEVERAL children. But MARRYING SOMEONE is a little girl's dream, and (0) real life is NOT.

NB (0) représente l'article "zéro" ou omission de "The".
- La liberté = nom abstrait et pris dans son sens général = (0) freedom.
- La maison/le foyer = (0) home.
- Les livres sont chers = vérité/constat/ d'ordre général = (0) books are expensive.
- La vie/la vraie vie = (0) life/(0) real life <=> mais La vie de Beethoven = The life of Beethoven.
I hope this helps.

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Réponse: In the future ( correction) de bridg, postée le 06-05-2006 à 17:49:42 (S | E)
Hello
Jean ayant mis en évidence les fautes je ne poste donc pas cette partie. Voici ma proposition mais lisez bien ce qu'il a écrit et les conseils qu'il vous donne

For me future represents freedom. I have lots of projects. First I would like to leave my house and travel over the world. I'd prefer to live in Spain instead of France. I often dream to travel to the South of America for example, but to China, Australia, Brazil and Chile too and discover all these countries.
However my first dream is to become a nurse. It's very important for me. I've been working hard for the examination for a year because I only take 2 books and my computer, books being expensive. My uncle offered one for my birthday.
Later I wish to work with handicapped children or perhaps in a psychiatric department. I find this job fabulous. You can work in lots of departments, there are plenty of possibilities. You can move and evolve your entire carrier.
For the moment I must pass my exam ( le Bac), it's my priority.
When I'm a grown- up I hope to go more often to parties, concerts, raves with my friends.
But I don’t see my future with my boyfriend, perhaps we will have a baby, I would like to have children but getting married is a little girl's dream latter it's different in the true life.

see you soon.

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Réponse: In the future ( correction) de jean31, postée le 06-05-2006 à 18:04:06 (S | E)
Hi hicouco,

Merci à bridg qui démontre une fois de plus que l'on peut dire les choses de diverses façons.
Keep going with your English !
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Modifié par jean31 le 06-05-2006 18:04
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Modifié par bridg le 06-05-2006 18:14

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