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Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais
Tout ce qui a un rapport avec l'apprentissage de l'anglais: grammaire, orthographe, aides aux devoirs, phrases etc.

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It was still morning(correction)+Today
Message de gizmo2937 posté le 29-12-2006 à 15:03:50 (S | E | F | I)

Good afternoon !

I've wrote a little text but I'm not sure enough of my English to leave it without correction !

Could you help me by reading it and telling me about my mistakes ?

It was still morning when she leaved the inn to explore the town. She gone to the Harbor where traders showed all their treasure brought from other kingdoms and far cities. On a alley, she seen a merchant who was trying to sell spices to a big cook.
"I can't give you ten coppers. It's too much and I've a lot more to buy." said the chief.
"It's the war ! The journey from Braavos have been very perilous with all those pirates and I've seldom seen a ship of his Grace to protect us. And in Spring, the storms are very hard, we have been near to crash ourselves on rocks many time. It can be your for nine copper but it's my last word."
Deeper in the street, a fool was juggling with a monkey while a singer sang about some princess lost in a dungeon.
The day was cold though dry. She decided that it was a good day to do it.

Many thanks.
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 29-12-2006 15:21
Titre


Réponse: correction expression écrite de jean31, postée le 29-12-2006 à 15:41:19 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Voici tes erreurs balisées.
Il ne te reste plus qu'à les rectifier.

=> I've wrote ... <= Present perfect = have/has + participe passé
=> ... when she leaved <= Revoir la deuxième colonne de la liste des verbes irréguliers !
=> She gone to ... => Idem en plus grave ! Revoir aussi la troisième colonne. Le participe passé ne se conjugue pas, pas même en anglais !
=> ... all their treasure <= On attend un nom pluriel après all.
=> ...a alley <= provoque un hiatus car le nom alley commence par la même voyelle accentuée. Donc ?
=> ...she seen <= Voir commentaires pour gone. Même erreur.
=> "It's the war <= l'article est superflu devant le nom.
=> The journey from Braavos have been <= 2 fautes. 1 Voyage par mer se dit voyage en anglais. 2 Le sujet étant singulier, quelle doit être la terminaison verbale ?
=> ... many time <= many se place devant un nom dénombrable PLURIEL. Rectifie.
=> It can be your for nine copper <= 2 fautes. 1 Employer le pronom possessif et non l'adjectif. 2 le chiffre nine entraîne le PLURIEL. Rectifie.
=>... while a singer sang <= le preterit continu serait plus logique.

-------------------
Modifié par jean31 le 29-12-2006 15:41


Réponse: It was still morning (correction) de aimen7, postée le 29-12-2006 à 15:53:33 (S | E)
Hello gizmo,
It was still morning when she leaved/left the inn to explore the town. She gone went to the Harbor where traders showed/were showing all their treasures brought from other kingdoms and far cities. On a alley/narrow street, she seen/saw a merchant who was trying to sell spices to a big cook.
"I can't give you ten coppers. It's too much and I've a lot more to buy." said the chief.
"It's the war ! The journey from Braavos have/has been very perilous/dangerous with all those pirates and I've seldom seen a ship of his Grace to protect us. And in Spring, the storms are very hard, we have been near to crash ourselves on rocks many times. It can be yours for nine coppers but it's my last word."
Deeper in / Further down the street, a fool was juggling with a monkey while a singer sang / was singing about some princess lost in a dungeon.
The day was cold though dry. She decided that it was a good day to do it.
Remarques:
-confusion entre prétérit et participe passé (ex: went/gone...)
-Revoir l'emploi du past continuous (was singing, were showing...)
Voilà


Réponse: It was still morning (correction) de hpesoj, postée le 29-12-2006 à 17:10:54 (S | E)
Salut,

Quelques autres choses:

- a alley -> an alley
- a big cook -> a large cook ("big" semble quelquefois enfantin)
- the chief -> the chef ("a chief" est un leader, pas "a cook")
- the storms are very hard -> the storms are wild/raging/dangerous/perilous (c'est difficile de trouver un mot pour décrire un orage)
- near to crash -> near to crashing
- it's my last word -> that's my last/final offer
- some princess -> a princess (some + nom singulier est très familier, par exemple "Who was that?" "I dunno, some guy.")

Merci,

Joe


Réponse: It was still morning (correction) de gizmo2937, postée le 29-12-2006 à 19:43:23 (S | E)
Merci à tous les trois.

Je me remets au travail et je vous envoie ma correction.


Réponse: It was still morning (correction) de gizmo2937, postée le 29-12-2006 à 20:52:00 (S | E)
Voici ma correction :

It was still morning when she left the inn to explore the town. She went to the Harbor where traders were showing all their treasures brought from other kingdoms and far cities. On an alley, she saw a merchant who was trying to sell spices to a large cook.
“I can’t give you ten coppers. It’s too much and I’ve a lot more to buy.” Said the chef.
“It’s war! The voyage from Braavos has been very dangerous with all those pirates and I’ve seldom seen a ship of his Grace to protect us. And in Spring, the storms are very perilous, we have been near to crashing ourselves on rocks many times. It can be yours for nine coppers but that’s my final offer.”
Further down the street, a fool was juggling with a monkey while a singer was singing about a princess lost in a dungeon.
The day was cold though dry. She decided that it was a good day to do it.


et je rajouterai I've written

Good evening.


Réponse: It was still morning (correction) de jean31, postée le 29-12-2006 à 21:54:17 (S | E)
Good job, gizmo.
La Force était donc avec toi !


Réponse: It was still morning (correction) de jonquille, postée le 29-12-2006 à 22:50:56 (S | E)
Super job! just a minor correction....

On an alley,... ==> In an alley,...


Réponse: It was still morning (correction) de gizmo2937, postée le 30-12-2006 à 15:29:54 (S | E)
For both of you :

Le petit scarabée continue d'avancer...

And of course, I wish you a very Happy New Year 2007 !!

-------------------
Modifié par willy le 30-12-2006 15:32
Je continue à corriger = je continue à faire et pas fait, donc, infinitif.
Je continue à voir, à servir, à boire, ...


Réponse: It was still morning (correction) de gizmo2937, postée le 01-01-2007 à 11:55:50 (S | E)
I've written a little continuation to work my conjugation (the past tenses).
I hope I made fewer mistake that the precedent time (ça commence mal ).

"Today is the day" she told herself while she walked to the Blind Tower. It was the smallest tower of the city with its ninety feet but it was also the thiker and the most recent. King Daeron the Old has ordered it's construction during the last war, which took place one hundred and fifty years ago. It was built with large blocks of granit and without window. There was just a great wooden door on the west side. Prisoners were taken here on the waiting of their punishment. However, during the war, few prisoners were made and only people of great house (or great birth ?) were imprisoned in the tower. So was her father.

J'ai un petit dilemne avec une cette phrase :
Prisoners were taken here

C'est le narrateur qui parle à ce moment là (donc pas de positionnement physique). Faut il employer here ou there dans ce contexte ?

Merci beaucoup.




Réponse: It was still morning (correction) de jean31, postée le 01-01-2007 à 15:27:07 (S | E)
Bonjour,

=> ... it was also the thiCker and the most recent ONE.
=> King Daeron the Old haD ordered it's construction ...<= Past perfect, please car action antérieure dans le passé.
=> ... large blocks of granitE...
=> .... IN the west side.
=> Prisoners were taken There Awaiting their punishment.<= Me paraît plus logique.
=> ...few prisoners were HELD/TAKEN and only people of great House/ <= avec la majuscule/ GOOD birth/ ...

* C'est effectivement beaucoup mieux.
Keep on improving, young man and happy new year to you and your kin.



Réponse: It was still morning (correction) + Today de gizmo2937, postée le 01-01-2007 à 15:37:14 (S | E)
Merci Jean31.

Voici ma correction :

"Today is the day" she told herself while as she walked to the Blind Tower. It was the smallest tower of the city with its ninety feet but it was also the thicker and the most recent one. King Daeron the Old had ordered it's its construction during the last war, which took place one hundred and fifty years ago. It was built with large blocks of granite and without windows. There was just a great wooden door in on the west side. Prisoners were taken there awaiting their punishment. However, during the war, few prisoners were held and only people of great House were imprisoned in the tower. So was her father.






-------------------
Modifié par gizmo2937 le 01-01-2007 15:58

-------------------
Modifié par gizmo2937 le 03-01-2007 19:36


Réponse: It was still morning (correction) + Today de nick27, postée le 01-01-2007 à 15:48:12 (S | E)
Hello,

A quick correction :

"King Daeron the Old had ordered it's construction during the last war ..."

=> It's = It is (ce n'est pas le possessif)
=> Its = Son/sa

=> "While" est plus souvent suivi du "past continuous".
Quand tu dis "She told herself while she walked to the Blind Tower" tu veux dire qu'elle se dit quelque chose en marchant vers la tour ?
Alors :

=> She told herself (while) approaching the Blind Tower
She told herself (while) walking toward the Blind Tower



Happy New Year
Bye


-------------------
Modifié par nick27 le 01-01-2007 15:57


Réponse: It was still morning (correction) + Today de gizmo2937, postée le 01-01-2007 à 15:57:53 (S | E)
Hello nick27,

One more time, you're right !

Je pensais au gérondif quand je l'ai écrit, mais on ne peut pas l'utiliser avec it (de la même façon qu'avec he ou she).





-------------------
Modifié par willy le 01-01-2007 16:55


Réponse: It was still morning(correction)+Today de jonquille, postée le 02-01-2007 à 23:38:48 (S | E)
Just a few thoughts...

"Today is the day,.' she told herself while she walked to the Blind Tower. (I would replace “while” with “as”)

It was built with large blocks of granite and without window. (“...and without windows” OR ” ...without a window.”)

There was just a great wooden door in the west side (“....on the west side.”) ...We say....it's ON the west side, but IN the west wall. sorry jean31, ....perhaps a British/American difference ?)

...only people of great House (of great House... only aristocrats? only noblemen?)

So was her father. (I'm confused by this.... was her father a member of the aristocracy? The tower was built 150 years ago... was her father imprisoned then, too? “SO WAS her father”)

An interesting story you've started!


Réponse: It was still morning(correction)+Today de gizmo2937, postée le 03-01-2007 à 19:36:31 (S | E)
Hello Jonquille !

We say "on the left/right hand side" even in English so after considering it , I guess (think) you're right about "on the west side"

By people of "great House" I mean (I want to mean ) noblemen.

"So was her father." Her father was imprisoned in the Tower. I will change this sentence this evening.

For the story, I haven't ask for a copyright so I give it to you if you want...

Have you a rule (or just a tip) about while/as ?

Thank you for your help.

-------------------
Modifié par gizmo2937 le 03-01-2007 19:55



Réponse: It was still morning(correction)+Today de jonquille, postée le 04-01-2007 à 03:04:43 (S | E)
Happy New Year!
I am not sure if this rule (or tip) is written anywhere, but here is a simple example of the use or “as/while” in your sentence: ""Today is the day" she told herself while she walked to the Blind Tower.”

if you use WHILE.... you need the “past continuous” tense (as explained by nick27)
“....she told herself while she was walking to...”

AS .... this really means “at the same time as”
“...she told herself (at the same time) as she walked to...”

You may use either WHILE or AS, but you must be sure that the verb tense that follows it, is correct!

Hope this helps....a little!


Réponse: It was still morning(correction)+Today de whynot95, postée le 04-01-2007 à 07:05:55 (S | E)
Hello.

Selon ma grammaire anglaise, "as" est utilisé avec des temps simples alors que "while" peut être utilisé soit avec un temps simple pour exprimer la simultanéité soit avec un temps progressif pour exprimer la durée.
"I was working while you were reading the paper".
"Sue cooked dinner while I watched TV".

Il est dit également que "as" est utilisé en cas d'évènements courts simultanés.
"As I opened my eyes I heard a strange voice".

Pour la phrase :
""Today is the day" she told herself while she walked to the Blind Tower.”
je pense que le narrateur peut choisir entre plusieurs solutions en fonction de ce qu'il veut exprimer : "while" ou "as" avec les 2 verbes au simple past ou "while" avec le 1er verbe au simple past et le second au progressif. On peut aussi dire "...she told herself while walking...".


Réponse: It was still morning(correction)+Today de gizmo2937, postée le 04-01-2007 à 20:54:54 (S | E)
Thank you for jonquille, whynot95, nick27, jean31, hpesoj, aimen7 and willy (for the French correction ) !!
Celà fait vraiment plaisir de voir autant de personnes donner un peu de leur temps pour nous aider à progresser.




Réponse: It was still morning(correction)+Today de nick27, postée le 04-01-2007 à 21:38:12 (S | E)
You're welcome


Réponse: It was still morning(correction)+Today de jonquille, postée le 04-01-2007 à 21:57:16 (S | E)
You're welcome! It was a lot of fun!


Réponse: It was still morning(correction)+Today de hpesoj, postée le 04-01-2007 à 22:07:13 (S | E)
Encore, quelques corrections:

Avec les corrections jusqu'ici (je pense):

"Today is the day" she told herself as she walked to the Blind Tower. It was the smallest tower of the city with its ninety feet but it was also the thicker and the most recent one. King Daeron the Old had ordered its construction during the last war, which took place one hundred and fifty years ago. It was built with large blocks of granite and without windows. There was just a great wooden door on the west side. Prisoners were taken there awaiting their punishment. However, during the war, few prisoners were held and only people of great House were imprisoned in the tower. So was her father.

- the thicker and the most recent one -> the thickest and the most recent (on n'a besoin de "one" en anglais)
- taken there awaiting their punishment -> taken there to await their punishment ("to await" est comme "for the purpose of awaiting")
- people of great House -> people of great nobility (voilà, tu peux retenir la structure de phrase)

Merci!




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