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Message de soleil posté le 2004-11-25 18:56:30 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour je me pose de véritables questions sur mon niveau...

Alors pouvez-vous corriger cette rédaction

When the fairy princess slipped on the pavement, her mother rushed out of her house. Seeing her child in the ground she cried out in the street : 3My girl,my child, help !" Hearing this noise,the girl's father came next to the car.Nobody dared to hold the girl's hand because we are going to fell in the street. It was dangerous. The mother didn't be proud of her husband was scared, anxious,he didn't move : "We can't help the gir's hand. It is dangerous". Suddently, the mother ran towards her daughter but as the ground was covered with black ice she fell on the pavement. Her legs were broken, she bleed. My sister and my father ran towards the mother and her child : "We will save you!"The fact that the mother was in the ground, her husband felt guilty about no have to save his child,then as a courageous man,he phoned the police because the mother and her daughter were sick. Quelques minutes après , the mother was in hospital,and my father, my sister and mi went to my house to sleep.

Je sais c'est un peu long..

INFOS : Bac S niveau terminale mais je ne suis pas bonne ...

-------------------
Edité par bridg le 25-11-2004 18:57


Réponse: re:Correction d'un essai!! de kayrol, postée le 2004-11-25 22:17:46 (S | E)
Hello,
Voici une suggestion de correction. Par contre, je ne comprends pas toute l'histoire, tu commences par une fairy princess (conte ?) et après tu parles de toi et cela ressemble à une histoire vraie.

When the fairy princess slipped on the pavement, her mother rushed out of her house. Seeing her child on the ground she cried out in the street : My girl, my child, help !" Hearing her cries, the girl's father came next to the car. Nobody dared to hold the girl's hand because of the slippery ground, as they were scared of falling in the street, it was dangerous. The mother was not proud that her husband was scared, he was anxious and didn't move : "We can't catch the girl's hand. It is dangerous". Suddenly, the mother ran towards her daughter but as the ground was covered with black ice (de la glace noire tu es sûre ??) she fell on the pavement. Her legs were broken and began bleeding. My sister and my father ran towards the mother and her child : "We are going to save you!" Because his wife was on the ground, the father felt guilty not to have saved his child, then as a courageous man, he phoned the police because the mother and her daughter were sick. A few minutes later, the mother was in hospital, and my father, my sister and I went back home to sleep." The end.
Kayrol




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