aide emploi temps

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Thèmes généraux, jeux, chansons, traductions...
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aide emploi temps
Message de lorominet posté le 18-02-2006 à 19:58:06 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour à tous et à toutes,

Pourriez vous m'aider pour ce passage surtout au niveau des temps...J'écris une nouvelle au passé en anglais mais je ne suis pas sûr des temps;il me semble que contrairement au français où l'on utilise le passé simple et l'imparfait, on n'utilise que le preterit...sinon où est ce que vous changeriez les temps?

Merci par avance,
lorominet.

One day, God went meet me. He wasn’t very tall, his short dark hairs fell on his brown eyes, which exceeded a strange nose and a large mouth. He told me, with [a low voice= une voix grave]:
-“Hello. I know you’re maybe frightened but this is [the three thousandth millionth= le 3 millionième] birthday of the world creation. I want you to show to other people what I am [always= toujours dans le sens d'encore] [in your midst= parmi vous] with the purpose of help everybody.
[...]
-This is a very good question, I’ll give you [supernatural= hors du communs] powers, only for today! You’ll do [whatever you want= ce que tu veux] with yours powers.”
[...]
I wanted to go to Africa [...] (j'hésite énormément sur le temps à utiliser ici, bien que j'hésite sur les autres aussi)

-------------------
Edité par bridg le 18-02-2006 19:58
titre raccourci
Divers

Réponse: aide emploie temps de jardin62, postée le 18-02-2006 à 20:37:49 (S | E)
Bonjour.

One day ( j'inverserais à votre place ) I met God !
He wasn't as tall as I had imagined ( = que j'avais imaginé ) !
He had short dark hair. ( => Ils sont courts et ne peuvent donc pas retomber sur ses yeux ).
His eyes were brown.
I was surprised by his nose which was quite long ( => que veut dire 'strange' pour un nez ? ). He had a large mouth.
He began to speak. His voice was very low.
- Hello ! I know you must be frightened but today is the three thousand millionth
bithday of the world creation. I want to show the people of the Earth that I am still among them with the only purpose of helping each of them.
- ( Can I ask you something ? / Can I do something ? )
- This is a good question : I will give you supernatural powers. There's one condition : you'll be able to use these powers during one day only. On the other hand ( = d'un autre côté ) you will do whatever you want.

Si c'est le récit qui revient, il faut parler au prétérit, sutout avec le verbe 'want' =>
I wanted to go to Africa

Réponse: aide emploi temps de lorominet, postée le 19-02-2006 à 13:17:46 (S | E)
Je vous remercie bien pour votre aide jardin62.
J'ai continué ma petite nouvelle et voilà ce que sa donne:

I met God one day ! He wasn't as tall as I had imagined! He had long dark hairs which fell on his brown eyes. I was surprised by his nose which was quite long . He had a large mouth.He began to speak. His voice was very low.
- “Hello ! I know you must be frightened but today is the three thousand millionth
bithday of the world creation. I want to show the people of the Earth that I am still among them with the only purpose of helping each of them.
- Can I do something ?
- This is a good question : I will give you supernatural powers. There's one condition : you'll be able to use these powers during one day only. On the other hand you will do whatever you want.”
He disappeared in a masse of smoke.
I wanted to go to Africa because there was a lot of people who had to be helped. But I hadn’t any money in order to pay this trip. Sudden the landscape which was around me changed. The green grass changed into a mix of sand and stones, the beautiful trees disappear, cactus and strange trees grew up and an untenable warmth got hold of me. I was in Africa! It was spectacular... I was in an horrible shanty town. There was a lot of people who inspected me. They sound like to be starving and they were not pleased to see me. I throw up one's arms and the slum changed into small houses. The population was very happy. One of them, a rachitic old man came near me and told me:
-“Hello...I...I...Do you understand me?
-Hello my name is Arnaud, I’m here in order to help all miserable people.
-Excuse us we deemed you were a devil...
-No I am a messenger of God...
- Sorry, I forgot; my name is Oubala and I’m the chief of this tribe. We thank you for our home. But...you know we’re very poor and we don’t have enough money to pay our food. We can’t grow because our land isn’t prolific...Can you help us?”
I looked their fields and a lot of plants shooted with an unbelievable velocity. Instantly the cultivators rushed at their fields and harvested their cultures wich grew again any second...
I awoke....I was in my bed...I knowed that I would do if I had magic powers...

Ceci est le premier chapitre, je pense continuer à chaque vacances cette nouvelle,
voila,
merci à vous.

Réponse: aide emploi temps de bridg, postée le 19-02-2006 à 13:32:22 (S | E)
Bonjour
Je préfère intervenir à ce stade de votre demande, nous ne corrigerons pas l'intégralité de votre roman, ce n'est pas le but de ce site et nous devons pouvoir aider tout le monde et non nous consacrer à un seul membre. Merci de votre compréhension.
Cette grosse partie est donc la dernière que nous prendrons
Cordialement

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