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Your jokes are great !
Sherlock Holmes and Watson are going camping. During the night, Sherlock wakes Watson up and tells him : "Watson, look at the stars and tell me your conclusion"
Watson : "Er... I can see the North star, and Venus may be there..."
Sherlock : "You're stupid !! Someone stole the tent !"
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de denzel, postée le 26-06-2007 à 12:54:02 (S | E)
This is a story about four people named: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de hui, postée le 26-06-2007 à 16:47:54 (S | E)
yesterday evening I am eaten irish i put a blood pudding it was delicious
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de magstmarc, postée le 26-06-2007 à 23:19:16 (S | E)
Hello chrislondon,
I can't think of any strange menu, but try asking the waiter "do you have frog legs ?" and tell me his reaction
It makes me think also of a british expression that's always made me wonder :
(this one might be a little off-topic
)"What would you say to a cup of tea ?"
So long,
Mag
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Modifié par magstmarc le 27-06-2007 09:53
Sujet transféré - ceci est la réponse au sujet 2 posts en-dessous
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de chrislondon, postée le 27-06-2007 à 00:15:26 (S | E)
Hi Mag,
I like the one about frog legs. I had never thought about 'what would you say to a cup of tea' before. I can't think what I would say!
Here's another one that I picked up in a restaurant in the south of Spain:
'We guarantee that the water in this establishment has been passed by government officials.'
To pass the water = to approve it
Also: to pass water= to urinate.
Needless to say I didn't drink the water!
Chris
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de chrislondon, postée le 26-06-2007 à 20:54:20 (S | E)
Hi everyone!
I have often been to restaurants where the English menu was very funny. Here are a few of my favourites:
'savage asparagus' This suggests that the asparagus is ferocious and will jump off the plate and attack you!
'fisherman kebab' This suggests that the kebab is made from a person.
'jam omelette'. It should be 'ham omelette'. Imagine the surprise at getting jam and not ham in your sandwiches.
Does anyone know any more?
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de assia07, postée le 27-06-2007 à 12:08:00 (S | E)
It's very funny! I have another one:
Teacher: you missed school yesterday Johnny, didn't you?
Johnny: No, not at all.
Another one:
Why did the teacher have to wear sunglasses?
Because his students were so bright
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de lakata, postée le 29-06-2007 à 10:56:30 (S | E)
A man : I was staying at a hotel last night and, you know what ? There was a girl knocking on my door all night.
Eventually, I let her out...
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de ariane6, postée le 29-06-2007 à 11:20:15 (S | E)
Two aerials fell in love and got married. The ceremony was great but the reception was terrible...
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de charly_35, postée le 29-06-2007 à 13:17:52 (S | E)
Hello everybody,
Someone can explain me this joke ? A man walked into a bar and said 'Ouch!'
Charles.
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de zinebmour, postée le 29-06-2007 à 18:02:49 (S | E)
:.I liked so much this joke.thanks mp27.Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de nadoura, postée le 02-07-2007 à 23:38:11 (S | E)
Mother:did you enjoy your first day at school??
Son:First day?Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow??!!!
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de mp27, postée le 03-07-2007 à 01:03:07 (S | E)
Hello zinebmour!
Are you referring to this joke (previous page)?
-- Why is Six afraid of Seven?
-- answer -> because 7, 8 (ate), 9.
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de magstmarc, postée le 03-07-2007 à 23:00:12 (S | E)
The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the minute you're born and only stops when you stand up to speak in public.
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de mehdijalil, postée le 03-07-2007 à 23:47:30 (S | E)
I liked all your jokes but now it's my turn:
"A father asked his stuped son with anger:
-where is your notebook?
-HE!HE!HE!HE!Don't be angry, I will get it back from my friend tomorrow morning.
-But why didyou give it to him?
-He asked me to give it to him
-But WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
-All right then... so... you want to know why I gave my note book to my friend?
-EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!
-He asked me to give my notebook to him..., because he just wanted to scare his parents a little bit."
Well, how did you find my joke
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Modifié par mp27 le 04-07-2007 02:21
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de charly_35, postée le 05-07-2007 à 13:26:22 (S | E)
Did you hear about the duck who asked for a double whisky and told the barman to put it on his bill?
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de magstmarc, postée le 05-07-2007 à 16:02:06 (S | E)
I hope you like jokes on teachers because I've got a lot of them to share
The math teacher noticed that Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said
"Johnny ! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44 ?"
Johnny quickly replied
"CBS, NBC, HBO, and the Cartoon Network"
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de magstmarc, postée le 06-07-2007 à 17:54:46 (S | E)
Another one :
My friend was assigned a new post, teaching English to prison inmates. Not knowing the level of education the prisoners had, he decided to begin his first class by asking a basic question :
"Okay, who can tell me what a sentence is ?"
(Peter McDonagh in Reader's Digest)
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de ariane6, postée le 10-07-2007 à 19:26:51 (S | E)
An agriculture student said to a farmer:
"Your methods are too old fashioned. I won't be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples."
"I won't be surprised either," said the farmer, "this is an orange tree".
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de magstmarc, postée le 17-07-2007 à 15:16:42 (S | E)
Children are very useful. There's a lot you can learn from them...
How much patience you have, for instance.
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de houlako, postée le 27-08-2007 à 01:00:35 (S | E)
the father was sitting at home when he received a summoning from school about his smart son ..lol..the father has gone there to see what's going on ...he found the teacher waiting for him with the "smart" son .. then the teacher started to complain about the child who is the most stupid and the lazier at school, the father of course didn't believe him and then the teacher decided to testify and told the child:"hey you, go to the other classroom and look for ur father there ( the father is right besides them )"..the son as the teacher ordered him went to the classroom and came Back in a while and said "there's no one there teacher" .. the father shouted at him and said " what a stupid child i got!! go and look for me in the other classroom!!!!" hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh don't ever blame someone to resemble to his father hhh
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de lazy_zebra, postée le 27-08-2007 à 09:34:30 (S | E)
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts!
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de ariane6, postée le 27-08-2007 à 10:43:35 (S | E)
A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
"Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"
"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone."
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de marit64, postée le 30-08-2007 à 01:26:37 (S | E)
Hi everybodyIt was funny to read your jokes that I'd like to give you another one.
An old woman was crawling around on the floor in a darkened cinema, much to the annoyance of the people near her.
"What did you lose?" asked one of the men next to her.
"My gum drop," answered the old woman.
"And you're going to all this trouble and disturbing everyone just to find a gum drop?"
"Yes, Mister, but my teeth are in it."
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de houlako, postée le 01-09-2007 à 03:12:10 (S | E)
A dying wife said to her husband:"i'm really sorry that i'm gonna leave you alone, iknow you're hurting but you have to resist, i have a last wish that i want you to do for me" " what's that?", replied the husband, she answered :"Please, keep my clothes with you and don't ever give them to anyone" " Don't worry, they won't fit her" kkkkkkkk
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de houlako, postée le 01-09-2007 à 03:29:43 (S | E)
a dief has break into a house where there was a man with his wife .. the thief asked the woman:" what's ur name ?" she answered :"Jackline" ..then the thief started to cry :" it was my Mum's name and i loved her so much, I won't kill you then " He turned to the husband side and asked him the same question ... the husband was so so scared and he answered:" My name's Arnold but they spoil me and call me Jackline" ha ha funny, isn't it ???
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de houlako, postée le 01-09-2007 à 03:54:30 (S | E)
A man was in a picnic with his family when they come upon a group of thieves. The thieves killed the son, the father was laughing ,they killed the daughter , the father is still laughing, at last, they killed the wife ..the father's laughing
..then, the chief of the group came and asked him why he's laughing. Then the father answered:" I know it's just a secret Camera" ha ha he's smart -------------------
Modifié par bridg le 01-09-2007 09:48
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de houlako, postée le 01-09-2007 à 04:01:00 (S | E)
Two stupids met up and the first said :"If you knew what I got into this bag, I'll give you a fish from it "
... the second replied :"the sea???!!!"
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Modifié par bridg le 01-09-2007 09:47
Réponse: Jokes in English 2 de marit64, postée le 05-09-2007 à 00:38:47 (S | E)
Hi everybodyA group of tourists were waiting outside Westminster Abbey with their guide.
"You'll have to wait a bit longer," said the guide. "Smoking is not allowed in the Abbey."
"But none of our party is smoking," said one of the tourists.
"No," said the guide, "but I'm smoking."
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