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Correction/ rédaction (1)

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/ rédaction
Message de pauline55 posté le 29-10-2017 à 17:08:43
Bonsoir,
j'ai rédigé une rédaction sur la section camouflage pendant la première guerre mondiale ; pourriez-vous m'indiquer ou me mettre sur la piste de mes erreurs s'il vous plait ? Merci par avance.

Used very early by the hunter or warrior man, this technique of dissimulation and protection knows during the First World War, an exceptional development, and allowed many artists to put their imagination and their talent at the service of their country. Very widely exploited by the French Army, the camouflage is also practiced by the other armies, each adapting it with its own genius.
If camouflage was long perceived as a dishonorable weapon, for two years, the encystment of the fighting in several points of the front has upset the art of the war. Forced to hold their positions, as discreetly as possible, the army corps on both sides had to learn to hide. The dissimulation already exists at the level of the uniform : The deadly combats of 1914 lead the French army to establish in 1915, the uniform "blue horizon", less seeing than the red trousers imposed by Napoleon I.If, for reasons of budget and tradition, the French army was late in the field of clothing, it is to her and more specifically to painters that who have the merit of having discovered the importance and effectiveness of the weapon of camouflage.
As early as August 1914, two French artists mobilized at the 6th Artillery Regiment : The painter Guirand de Scévola, and the decorator Louis Guingot, had the idea of concealing their weapons under branches and canvases painted in the colors of the surrounding nature, to avoid its location by the enemy. They put on the gunners blouses with earthy hues that confuse their silhouettes in the landscape.The experiments and demonstrations of a small group of artists convinced the Minister of War who officially created the Camouflage Section on August 14, 1915 under the command of Scévola. Constituted in small specialized teams, the camouflers make high-risk reconnaissance of the ground and ensure the installation of objects or camouflaged devices while observing what needs to be concealed.They set up dummy trees with periscopes to spy on enemy positions. But also fake artillery, fake tanks to divert aerial bombardment.

These "camouflage" workshops, which manufacture false molehills to approach enemy lines "under cover", will go as far as producing castings of fake corpses to "dress" the ventilation wells of the tunnels dug to come into contact with German trenches. As a distinctive sign, the camouflagers have added to the white and red staff armband they wear, an embroidered chameleon, designed by Scévola. The French section of camouflage, declared fighting section, knows the life of all the units in campaign that it is in cantonment, in the workshops, or on the front.The camouflagers quickly become popular in the army, not only because of the services rendered, but also for their fantasy, their spirits, and their constant cheerfulness despite the cruelty of the war. In 1916, the development and use of camouflage techniques were such that many artists were recalled from the front, as well as woodworker, carpenters, sheet metal workers, assemblers, fitters, mechanics, plasterers. The Ministry of War in February 1917, indicates the number of the camouflage section: 30 officers and 7 men constitute the staff of the section.

In 1916, the development and use of camouflage techniques were such that many artists were recalled from the front, as well as woodworker, carpenters, sheet metal workers, assemblers, fitters, mechanics, plasterers. As for the artists, they are experts in the theater decoration skill in the art of the trompe l'oeil, to the sculptors and to the painters and illustrators, professionals or amateurs.
The cohabitation of all these artists of opposite tendencies is sometimes difficult, and aesthetic ideas clash.To respond to the immense needs on all points of the Western Front, workshops are made in Paris to manufacture materials and other workshops, under the responsibility of painters and sculptors after their training at the central workshop, are distributed among the various groups of armies.The traditional painters are joined by cubist artists accustomed to break objects, to denature them to represent them at the same time from different angles.

In 1918, the strength was 3,000 officers and men, spread across the front. Quickly, the camouflage section uses the civilian workforce (including more than 10,000 women) for its central workshop in Paris and for workshops in the armed zone. Their conception of the representation of the real world joins the concerns of the camouflage: to cancel the volume of an object with painted spots, to break its contours and to burst its volume in the space. Scévola managed to obtain the recruitment of Cubist artists whose presence in the army was refused because a few years earlier, their production had been called "painting boche", because their dealer and their buyers were German. After being accused of collaboration with the enemy, they become patriots indispensable to the war effort.Through reconnaissance aviation, photographers from the Army Photographic Service take aerial views of camouflaged facilities to verify their effectiveness. The bad camouflages detected are improved.

As nature changes to the rhythm of the seasons, the camouflage must be kept up to date and transformed, the goal being not to change the usual shape and appearance of the land. Camouflers perform increasingly sophisticated installations to remove clean shadows and shadows from hidden objects, and they do not hesitate to move real landmarks to divert the enemy.
The camouflage is also applied to aviation : planes are painted with colors that make them less visible to the observer. At sea, the dissimulation being impossible, the hulls of the ships are variegated with large sections of degraded values, oblique lines and zebra which, by an optical effect, deceive the enemy on the identity of the building .

On August 22, 1918 Marshal Foch, commander-in-chief of the Allied armies, decided to unify the camouflage services of the various allied armies. But the armistice was signed in November and the camouflage section is dissolved in December 1918. Despite its effectiveness during the war, its existence is absolutely not planned in the plans for reorganization of the army in 1919.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-10-2017 17:22

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 02-11-2017 12:33
Problème de droits d'auteur; topic fermé.


Réponse : Correction/ rédaction de gerondif, postée le 02-11-2017 à 12:00:35
Bonjour,
en fait, vous n'avez pas rédigé une rédaction, vous avez traduit par vous-même ou par traducteur automatique une version remaniée de cette présentation de livre:
Lien internet

Attention à certaines traductions comme "voyant" traduit par seeing....qui ne va pas, c'est un adjectif, pas le participe présent du verbe voir.
Le présent de narration historique (cette technique connaît un développement exceptionnel, première phrase) ne passe pas en anglais. Il faudrait du passé.
erreurs en bleu
Used very early by the hunter or warrior man, this technique of dissimulation and protection knows (temps) during the First World War, an exceptional development, and allowed many artists to put their imagination and their talent at the service of their country. Very widely exploited by the French Army, the camouflage is also practiced by the other armies, each adapting it with its own genius.
If camouflage was long perceived as a dishonorable weapon, for two years, the encystment of the fighting in several points of the front has upset(prétérit) the art of the war. Forced to hold their positions, as discreetly as possible, the army corps on both sides had to learn to hide. The dissimulation already exists(temps) at the level of the uniform : The deadly combats of 1914 lead 'chance, le prétérit s'écrit comme le présent) the French army to establish in 1915, the uniform "blue horizon"(à placer devant uniform), less seeing than the red trousers imposed by Napoleon I.If, for reasons of budget and tradition, the French army was late in the field of clothing, it is to her and more specifically to painters that who(mauvaise transcription de c'est à elle que revient le mérite, je n'arrive pas à copier coller le texte français du lien) have the merit of having discovered(participe présent simple) the importance and effectiveness of the weapon of camouflage.
As early as August 1914, two French artists mobilized at the 6th Artillery Regiment : The painter Guirand de Scévola, and the decorator Louis Guingot, had the idea of concealing their weapons under branches and canvases painted in the colors of the surrounding nature, to avoid its(leur repérage, pas son repérage) location by the enemy. They put on the gunners blouses with earthy hues that confuse their silhouettes in the landscape.The experiments and demonstrations of a small group of artists convinced the Minister of War who officially created the Camouflage Section on August 14, 1915 under the command of Scévola. Constituted in small specialized teams, the camouflers(mot inexistant, sans doute laissé par le traducteur automatique qui ne l'a pas identifié. il emploie plus loin camouflager qui lui existe) make high-risk reconnaissance of the ground and ensure the installation of objects or camouflaged devices while observing what needs(temps) to be concealed.They set up dummy trees with periscopes to spy on enemy positions. But also fake artillery, fake tanks to divert aerial bombardment.

These "camouflage" workshops, which manufacture false molehills to approach enemy lines "under cover", will go as far as producing castings of fake corpses to "dress" the ventilation wells of the tunnels dug to come into contact with German trenches. As a distinctive sign, the camouflagers have added to the white and red staff armband they wear, an embroidered chameleon, designed by Scévola. The French section of camouflage, declared fighting section, knows (temps) the life of all the units in campaign that it is (construction)in cantonment, in the workshops, or on the front.The camouflagers quickly become popular in the army, not only because of the services rendered, but also for their fantasy, their spirits, and their constant cheerfulness despite the cruelty of the war. (paragraphe doublé)In 1916, the development and use of camouflage techniques were such that many artists were recalled from the front, as well as woodworker(pluriel), carpenters, sheet metal workers, assemblers, fitters, mechanics, plasterers. The Ministry of War in February 1917, indicates the number of the camouflage section: 30 officers and 7 men constitute the staff of the section.

(Vous avez collé ce paragraphe deux fois !!)In 1916, the development and use of camouflage techniques were such that many artists were recalled from the front, as well as woodworker(pluriel), carpenters, sheet metal workers, assemblers, fitters, mechanics, plasterers. As for the artists, they are(temps) experts in the theater decoration skill in the art of the trompe l'oeil, to the sculptors and to the painters and illustrators, professionals or amateurs.
The cohabitation of all these artists of opposite tendencies is sometimes difficult, and aesthetic ideas clash.To respond to the immense needs on all points of the Western Front, workshops are made in Paris to manufacture materials and other workshops, under the responsibility of painters and sculptors after their training at the central workshop, are distributed among the various groups of armies.The traditional painters are joined by cubist artists accustomed to break(gérondif, ing) objects, to denature them to represent them at the same time from different angles.

In 1918, the strength was 3,000 officers and men, spread across the front. Quickly, the camouflage section uses (temps)the civilian workforce (including more than 10,000 women) for its central workshop in Paris and for workshops in the armed zone. Their conception of the representation of the real world joins the concerns of the camouflage: to cancel the volume of an object with painted spots, to break its contours and to burst its volume in the space. Scévola managed to obtain the recruitment of Cubist artists whose presence in the army was refused because a few years earlier, their production had been called "painting bocheà inverser)", because their dealer(pluriel) and their buyers were German. After being accused of collaboration with the enemy, they become(temps) patriots indispensable to the war effort.Through reconnaissance aviation, photographers from the Army Photographic Service take aerial views of camouflaged facilities to verify their effectiveness. The bad camouflages detected(à mettre devant bad) are improved.

As nature changes to the rhythm of the seasons, the camouflage must (temps) be kept up to date and transformed, the goal being not to change the usual shape and appearance of the land. Camouflers perform increasingly sophisticated installations to remove clean shadows and shadows from hidden objects, and they do not hesitate to move real landmarks to divert the enemy.
The camouflage is also applied to aviation : planes are painted with colors that make them less visible to the observer. At sea, the dissimulation being impossible, the hulls of the ships are variegated with large sections of degraded values, oblique lines and zebra which, by an optical effect, deceive the enemy on the identity of the building .(ces présents jurent avec la conclusion au prétérit)

On August 22, 1918 Marshal Foch, commander-in-chief of the Allied armies, decided to unify the camouflage services of the various allied armies. But the armistice was signed in November and the camouflage section is(temps) dissolved in December 1918. Despite its effectiveness during the war, its existence is(temps) absolutely not planned in the plans for reorganization of the army in 1919.




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