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Correction / Freddie Mercury

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction / Freddie Mercury
Message de pierre35 posté le 01-11-2017 à 19:46:35 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir à toutes et à tous.
Je viens vers vous concernant une petite correction pour un exposé sur Freddie Mercury. Etant donné que c'est assez long, la priorité est plutôt à donner à la conclusion dont je suis le moins sûr.
Je vous remercie d'avance.
Bonne soirée.

1) Farrokh Bulsara was born on the 5th September 1946 in the British Protectorate of Zanzibar, east Africa. His parents were Parsis, as members of this community, Farrohk Bulsara and his family practised the Zoroastrian religion. Bulsara spent most of his childhood in India where his friends called him Freddie for conveniance. Then he flew to England to study art. It was in the early 1970's that he adopted the name of '' Mercury '' in reference to a song. Freddie Mercury was born !
=) He has always rejected his origins which he considered incompatible with his character. According to a closer friend : '' Farrokh Bulsara is a name he buried. He wished to speak about no period of his life before becoming Freddie Mercury and all which concerned Freddie Mercury was made by himself."

2) In the early 1970's, Mercury had a relationship with a woman but he choose to announce his homosexuality in 1974. His coming-out has scandalized the public opinion but his homosexuality is, even now, considered as an integrant part of the Freddie Mercury's myth. Even thought he was openly gay, he was always very discreet on his private life. He was not afraid to publicly express his gayness, but unwilling to justify his lifestyle. Moreover, Mercury didn't ally himself to LGBT causes althought he was considered as an gay icon.

Mercury was diagnosed with AIDS in April 1987. Around that time, Mercury claimed to have tested negative for HIV. Despite the denials, the British press pursued the rampant rumours over the next few years, fuelled by Mercury's increasingly gaunt appearance. On 22 November 1991, he decided, on his deathbed, to announce his illness : just 24 hours after issuing that statement, Mercury died at the age of 45 because of a bronchial pneumonia resulting from AIDS

3) As the first major rock star to die of AIDS, Mercury's death represented an important event in the history of the disease. In April 1992, the remaining members of Queen organised The Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert for AIDS Awarness, to celebrate the life and legacy of Mercury and raise money for AIDS research. The tribute concert, which took place at London's Wembley Statdium for an audience of 72,000, was broadcast live to 76 countries and had an estimated viewing audience of 1 billion people : Mercury has become an icon of fight against AIDS

=) The refusal of Mercury to warn the public on his illness was criticized sometimes, considerating that he would have been able to use his international great fame to collect funds against AIDS. But The Freddie Mercury Tribute, by its international scope, has finally reached this goal of prevention and information posthumously given that Mercury had wished this concert during his life

Tribute was paid to Queen and Mercury at the closing ceremonny of the 2012 Summer Olympics in London where he appeared on a big screen placed in the middle of the Olympic Stadium. On this 12th August 2012, all the public sang with him as it had made 26 years earlier in this same Wembley Stadium. Furthermore, Bohemian Rhapsody, a biogrophical drama film focusing a period from the formation of Queen to their perfomance at Live Aid, will be released next year.

Conclusion : Freddie Mercury was simultaneously a rock star and a legend. He sold about 300 million albums and his songs are considered as real masterpieces. According to Mick Jagger his perfomances draw him to the Gods. Mercury is moreover considered as the ultimate God of the Rock. His voice possessing the '' swiftness of a hurricane '' is considered as extraordinary by the science. But Freddie Mercury was above all a human being, a man in disagreement with his past, a man wishing to live his life, but a man carried away by the AIDS as millions of others. His premature death has turned this alive legend into a myth which continues to fascinate even 26 years after his death because whatever happens, the show must go on.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 01-11-2017 22:29


Réponse : Correction / Freddie Mercury de gerondif, postée le 01-11-2017 à 23:41:40 (S | E)
Bonsoir
Errreurs en bleu, suggestions en vert
1) Farrokh Bulsara was born on the 5th of September, 1946 in the British Protectorate of Zanzibar, east Africa. His parents were Parsis.(point) As members of this community, Farrohk Bulsara and his family practised the Zoroastrian religion. Bulsara spent most of his childhood in India where his friends called him Freddie for conveniance. Then he flew to England to study art. It was in the early 1970's that he adopted the name of '' Mercury '' in reference to a song. Freddie Mercury was born !
=) He has always rejected (un prétérit irait mieux) his origins which he considered incompatible with his character. According to a closer friend : '' Farrokh Bulsara is a name he buried. He wished to speak about no period of his life (ce serait mieux de dire he didn't wish to speak about any period...) before becoming Freddie Mercury and all which(mauvais choix de relatif)(everything that) concerned Freddie Mercury was made by himself."

2) In the early 1970's, Mercury had a relationship with a woman but he choose(prétérit irrégulier) to announce his homosexuality in 1974. His coming-out has scandalized (un prétérit irait mieux) the public opinion but his homosexuality is, even now, considered as an integrant part of the Freddie Mercury's myth. Even thought he was openly gay, he was always very discreet on (about) his private life. He was not afraid to publicly express his gayness, but unwilling to justify his lifestyle. Moreover, Mercury didn't ally himself to LGBT causes althought(orthographe) he was considered as an gay icon.

Mercury was diagnosed with AIDS in April 1987. Around that time, Mercury claimed to have tested negative for HIV. Despite the denials, the British press pursued the rampant rumours over the next few years, fuelled by Mercury's increasingly gaunt appearance. On 22 November 1991, he decided, on his deathbed, to announce his illness : just 24 hours after issuing that statement, Mercury died at the age of 45 because of a bronchial pneumonia resulting from AIDS

3) As the first major rock star to die of AIDS, Mercury's death represented an important event in the history of the disease. In April 1992, the remaining members of Queen organised The Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert for AIDS Awareness, to celebrate the life and legacy of Mercury and raise money for AIDS research. The tribute concert, which took place at London's Wembley Statdium for an audience of 72,000,(72.000) was broadcast live to 76 countries and had an estimated viewing audience of 1 billion people : Mercury has become (un plus que parfait serait plus logique) an icon of fight against AIDS

=) The refusal of Mercury to warn the public on his illness was criticized sometimes, considerating (to consider donne considering, considerate est un adjectif qui ne se conjugue pas) that he would have been able to use his international great fame to collect funds against AIDS. But The Freddie Mercury Tribute, by its international scope, has finally reached this goal of prevention and information posthumously, given that Mercury had wished this concert during his life

Tribute was paid to Queen and Mercury at the closing ceremonny of the 2012 Summer Olympics in London where he appeared on a big screen placed in the middle of the Olympic Stadium. On this 12th of August 2012, all the public sang with him as it had made (done, to make, c'est fabriquer) 26 years earlier in this same Wembley Stadium. Furthermore, Bohemian Rhapsody, a biogrophical drama film focusing a period from the formation of Queen to their perfomance at Live Aid, will be released next year.(vous vouliez vraiment dire sortira l'an prochain donc en 2018, ou on se place en 2013 et on dira "devait sortir l'année suivante", was to be released the following year ?)

Conclusion : Freddie Mercury was simultaneously a rock star and a legend. He sold about 300 million albums and his songs are considered as real masterpieces. According to Mick Jagger, his perfomances draw (drôle de formulation) him to the Gods. Mercury is moreover(mieux en tête de phrase) considered as the ultimate God of the Rock. His voice possessing the '' swiftness of a hurricane '' is considered as extraordinary by the science. But Freddie Mercury was above all a human being, a man in disagreement with his past, a man wishing to live his life, but a man carried away by the AIDS as(as = en tant que. like = comme quand on fait une comparaison) millions of others. His premature death has turned this alive legend into a myth which continues to fascinate even 26 years after his death because whatever happens, the show must go on.




Réponse : Correction / Freddie Mercury de here4u, postée le 02-11-2017 à 10:07:26 (S | E)
Hello !
Hello gerondif!
Je n'ai parcouru que la conclusion de cette présentation fort intéressante.
D'accord avec gerondif pour dire que "his perfomances draw him to the Gods." n'évoque pas grand chose. J'ai recherché quels étaient les mots de la citation ...
Lien internet

En plus, je ne laisserais pas passer : this alive legend ("alive" doit être attribut). On dirait plutôt "living legend"




Réponse : Correction / Freddie Mercury de pierre35, postée le 02-11-2017 à 11:44:28 (S | E)
Bonjour et merci pour vos réponses rapides.
Effectivement je voulais dire que le film sortira en 2018.
Très bonne journée à vous




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