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Correction/Idea of Progress

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/Idea of Progress
Message de maddy posté le 20-03-2018 à 14:00:59 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
est-ce que quelqu'un pourrait corriger ma notion d'anglais sur l'idée de progrès s'il vous plaît?
Merci de m'accorder un peu de votre temps

I'm going to talk about the notion of the idea of progress. To begin with, I would like to give a definition of this notion. The idea of progress can be an improvement, a development or a change. That is to say a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place.
I feel this notion is best illustrated by trying to see if is today's India a modern country ?
My presentation will fall into 3 parts.

First of all, I will concentrate on modern cities.
The document entitled "High-tech cities" is a good example to show there are modern cities in India today. We can make a link between the document and this notion because we can see a state-of-the-art building on this picture. It's the headquarters of a high-tech enterprise in Bangalore who shows the image of a modern country. Moreover, Hyderabad is an other city who is ever called "High-tech city" thanks to his technological advances. So these 2 cities make us aware the modern aspect of India.

Next I will study the fact that India is « a country on the march ».
In my view, the documents that best illustrate the fact that it's a country on the march are the documents entitled "High-tech cities" and "Changing India". In both documents, the idea put forward is the shift is only just begenning. So, we can learn that India can be qualified of a developed country because the GDP, that is to say the gross domestic product, is constantly increasing. Indeed, the GDP increase from 7 to 8,5% a year on average. Furthermore, cities are building a lot of shopping centers and hotels. The high-tech sector is developing quickly and contributes to the growth of the GDP.

Finally I will say a few words about successful people.
Firstly, I want to talk about successful women. So, the document entitled « Is microcredit changing India ? » is an interesting illustration of successful women in India insofar as it shows that they are so poor that very often they use microcredit to survive instead of starting their own businesses. Actually, Microcredit has enable some Dalit women to take out several loans but they find it diffucult to repay these loans, since they earn too little money, that is to say 2 pounds a day.

Then I will be interested about the entrepreneurial spirit in Dharavi, a slum in Mumbai.
The document entitled "India's industry thrives on largest slum" raises the problem of negative stereotypes of slum life. Thus, this document make us aware that in this city, there are hospitals, schools, businesses, industries... It makes it a different place, so it's not really a slum as we believed. Dharavi is a place where people are very poor, a place where there is so much industry and work. However, it's going to be redeveloped into a more modern urban space with proper housing and retail areas, to respect the people who live in the slum and don't disturb their lives.

In conclusion, we should keep in mind that India is said to be a country of contradictions. Indeed, even if there are a lot of slum again, there a modern cities who are being built.
I would like to end by saying that India is a modern country today because this country is constantly developing, especially thanks to technological advances.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 20-03-2018 14:41


Réponse : Correction/Idea of Progress de laure95, postée le 20-03-2018 à 14:55:16 (S | E)
Bonjour,
- I feel this notion is best illustrated by trying to see if is today's India a modern country ? : mal dit, phrase trop longue.

- It's (mettre tout au pluriel car "headquarters" est au pluriel) the headquarters of a high-tech enterprise in Bangalore who (pas le bon relatif car who doit avoir pour antécédent une personne) shows the image of a modern country.
- Moreover, Hyderabad is an other city who (même remarque)is ever called "High-tech city" thanks to his t(pas le bon possessif, une ville n'étant pas une personne masculine)echnological advances.
- So these 2 cities make us aware (préposition) the modern aspect of India.

- In my (point of)view,
- In both documents, the idea put forward is (that)the shift is only just begenning (orthographe).
- Indeed, the GDP increase (temps)from 7 to 8,5% a year on average.

- Actually, (article)Microcredit has enable some Dalit women

- Thus, this document make (faute de conjugaison) us aware
- as we believed: as we could believe it.
- a place where there is (pluriel) so much (pluriel)industry (pluriel)and work.
- to respect the people who live in the(pas de the) slum (mettre au pluriel)

- Indeed, even if there are a lot of slum (pluriel)again,
- there a modern cities who are being built: ?




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