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Message de antoine6750 posté le 03-02-2019 à 21:33:56 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
est-ce que quelqu'un pourrait m'aider à corriger mes fautes s'il vous plaît ?
Merci beaucoup
Notion 2 Ideas of progress
Since the industrial revolution, many technologies have appeared in our life. Phones, computers, tablets, television are developed over time. Finally, Internet thus allows to improve life of people, because about 75 % of the Internet users assert that their life is better thanks to Internet. The idea of progress can be defined as an improvement, a development, a change, or an evolution towards something better. It can be a technical, scientific or social advance. We can wonder to what extent new technologies have an impact on social relationship. To answer the question, we will have two parts, firstly I want to present the advantages of new technologies and secondly one drawback : the lock of communication.
To begin the first documents, it is a press article from the New York Times named Modern Doctor's House Calls : Skype Chat and Fast Diagnosis,.This document deals with telemedicine by skype. It is the story of a woman, Ms Devisser who feel poorly, in the USA in the city of Tacoma in the state of Washington, thought she had a sinus infection, and doesn't want to send for the doctor, she prefers to avoid queuing at the emergency, and so she takes a consultation by skype. In few minutes, she had a doctor who ask some questions and knew what she suffered from. And Ms Devisser, can stay-at-home and had an antibiotics prescription called to her pharmacy. To makes a link with the notion, the progress is that it's easier to take a virtual consultation than in the real life with a doctor because she has many consultation. In addition she doesn't need to go to an urgent care clinic particularly if they live away in a rural areas. To put it is in a nutshell Skype is a real progress because we can save money, time,... for a routine ailment. But if the patient suffers from a more serious disease, he should have a real consultation
However the new technological devices have many disadvantages as the second document, a recent cartoon by Matt WUERKER, inspired of the original painting of Norman ROCKWELL “Freedom from want”, can demonstrate. The place is at the grandparents ’s dining-room on Thanksgiving Day, they are eleven characters, and everybody have a technological devices but nobody talks whereas thanksgiving day is an annual public holiday, a happy day. To make a link with the notion, progress is every members of the family is connected because that is accessible of all, they talks to their “machines” but the disadvantages is the real social link have disappeared, this is not user-friendly that before.
The last documents is a press articles from the New York Times. The scene takes place in the USA and we can say in every countries of the world during the 21st century, so nowadays. The main idea is we alone together it means we are connected with people but without having any conservation, as we are always in a bubble. He says “ we have sacrificed conversation for mere connection” I’m convinced this technological advance isn't a progress because we are not more careful, more present for our friend, our teacher and our family, everywhere and everytimes that after, for example every people take this phone in the canteen of the high school, in the sofa of this house,... The iphone is an object that cannot happen in those days. With this technologies were as a rabbit, that is to say if we are always connected we are always careful about the events, the news of the world, we can have access to information from all over the world in a blink of an eye. And this stop our reflection, our thoughts… on our environment and our entourage. To make a link with the notion, people are always connected but they no longer have conversations or exchanges as they used to.
To conclude the new technologies have many advantages for make our easier life (example the telemedicine) but they change our social link. They have a bad impact for me, it's not a progress it seems to me that it’s a problem to solve.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 03-02-2019 21:44
Message de antoine6750 posté le 03-02-2019 à 21:33:56 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
est-ce que quelqu'un pourrait m'aider à corriger mes fautes s'il vous plaît ?
Merci beaucoup
Notion 2 Ideas of progress
Since the industrial revolution, many technologies have appeared in our life. Phones, computers, tablets, television are developed over time. Finally, Internet thus allows to improve life of people, because about 75 % of the Internet users assert that their life is better thanks to Internet. The idea of progress can be defined as an improvement, a development, a change, or an evolution towards something better. It can be a technical, scientific or social advance. We can wonder to what extent new technologies have an impact on social relationship. To answer the question, we will have two parts, firstly I want to present the advantages of new technologies and secondly one drawback : the lock of communication.
To begin the first documents, it is a press article from the New York Times named Modern Doctor's House Calls : Skype Chat and Fast Diagnosis,.This document deals with telemedicine by skype. It is the story of a woman, Ms Devisser who feel poorly, in the USA in the city of Tacoma in the state of Washington, thought she had a sinus infection, and doesn't want to send for the doctor, she prefers to avoid queuing at the emergency, and so she takes a consultation by skype. In few minutes, she had a doctor who ask some questions and knew what she suffered from. And Ms Devisser, can stay-at-home and had an antibiotics prescription called to her pharmacy. To makes a link with the notion, the progress is that it's easier to take a virtual consultation than in the real life with a doctor because she has many consultation. In addition she doesn't need to go to an urgent care clinic particularly if they live away in a rural areas. To put it is in a nutshell Skype is a real progress because we can save money, time,... for a routine ailment. But if the patient suffers from a more serious disease, he should have a real consultation
However the new technological devices have many disadvantages as the second document, a recent cartoon by Matt WUERKER, inspired of the original painting of Norman ROCKWELL “Freedom from want”, can demonstrate. The place is at the grandparents ’s dining-room on Thanksgiving Day, they are eleven characters, and everybody have a technological devices but nobody talks whereas thanksgiving day is an annual public holiday, a happy day. To make a link with the notion, progress is every members of the family is connected because that is accessible of all, they talks to their “machines” but the disadvantages is the real social link have disappeared, this is not user-friendly that before.
The last documents is a press articles from the New York Times. The scene takes place in the USA and we can say in every countries of the world during the 21st century, so nowadays. The main idea is we alone together it means we are connected with people but without having any conservation, as we are always in a bubble. He says “ we have sacrificed conversation for mere connection” I’m convinced this technological advance isn't a progress because we are not more careful, more present for our friend, our teacher and our family, everywhere and everytimes that after, for example every people take this phone in the canteen of the high school, in the sofa of this house,... The iphone is an object that cannot happen in those days. With this technologies were as a rabbit, that is to say if we are always connected we are always careful about the events, the news of the world, we can have access to information from all over the world in a blink of an eye. And this stop our reflection, our thoughts… on our environment and our entourage. To make a link with the notion, people are always connected but they no longer have conversations or exchanges as they used to.
To conclude the new technologies have many advantages for make our easier life (example the telemedicine) but they change our social link. They have a bad impact for me, it's not a progress it seems to me that it’s a problem to solve.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 03-02-2019 21:44
Réponse : Notion/ ideas of progress de laure95, postée le 04-02-2019 à 10:28:11 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Faire une phrase pour dire de quelle notion tu vas parler.
- Phones, computers, tablets, television are developed over time: pas le bon temps.
- Internet thus allows to improve (article)life of people,
- the first documents (singulier), it (pas de reprise de sujet) is a press article
- Ms Devisser who feel (faute de conjugaison)poorly,
- (sujet)thought she had (temps) a sinus infection,
- In few minutes, she had a doctor who ask (temps) some questions
- And Ms Devisser, can stay-at-home and had (temps)an antibiotics prescription called (temps)to her pharmacy.
- To makes: to + infinitif.
- because she (or he) has many consultation (pluriel).
- if they (à qui renvoie they?) live away in a rural areas.
- To put it is (enlever is)in a nutshell
- The place is (mal dit)at the grandparents ’s dining-room on Thanksgiving Day,
- they are eleven characters (pas le bon mot ici),
- and everybody have (everybody + singulier) a (pas de a)technological devices
- progress is (mettre un autre verbe) every members (every + singulier) of the family
- that is accessible of (pas la bonne préposition)all,
- they talks: faute de conjugaison.
- the disadvantages (singulier) is the real social link (pluriel)have disappeared,
- The last documents (singulier) is a press articles (singulier)from the New York Times.
- every countries (singulier) of (pas la bonne préposition)the world
- we alone together: ?
- our friend (mettre au pluriel), our teacher (pluriel)
- everytimes that after: ?
- every people (singulier) take (singulier) this (mettre à la place un possessif)phone
- in the canteen, in the sofa (pas les bonnes préposition) of this (pas le bon mot) house,...
- The iphone is an object that cannot happen
in those (these pas those)days.- With this technologies were as a rabbit: ?
- And this stop (singulier)our reflection, our thoughts… on our environment and our entourage (mot français).
- To conclude the (pas de the)new technologies have many advantages for (pas la bonne préposition) make our easier life (ordre des mots) (for example the telemedicine)
Réponse : Notion/ ideas of progress de here4u, postée le 04-02-2019 à 11:11:53 (S | E)
Hello!
C'est trop long comme présentation ... Il vaut mieux faire sous forme de plan non rédigé ou seules introduction, transitions et conclusion seront rédigées ... Je commence et risque de laisser en attente ...
la formulation britannique correcte est : THE Internet
Since the industrial revolution, many technologies have appeared in our life. Phones, computers, tablets, television are developed over time. Finally, XXX Internet thus allows (plutôt "enables", c'est une capacité, pas une permission ...) to improve life of people, because about 75 % of the Internet users assert that their life is better thanks to XXx Internet. The idea of progress can be defined as an improvement, a development, a change, or an evolution towards something better. It can be a technical, scientific or social advance. We can wonder to what extent new technologies have an impact on social relationshipS. To answer the question, we will have two parts, firstly I want to present the advantages of new technologies and secondly one drawback : the lock of communication.
To begin XXX, the first documents, it is a press article from the New York Times named Modern Doctor's House Calls : Skype Chat and Fast Diagnosis,.This document deals with telemedicine by skype. It is the story of a woman, Ms Devisser who feel (aspect + grammaire) poorly, in the USA in the city of Tacoma in the state of Washington, t= .She thought she had a sinus infection, and doesn't want to send for the doctor, she prefers to avoid queuing at the emergency, and so she takes a consultation by skype. In X few minutes, she had a doctor
who ask some questions and knew what she suffered (aspect en -ing) from. And Ms Devisser, can stay-at-home and had an antibiotics prescription called to her pharmacy. To makes a link with the notion, the progress (here) is that it's easier to take a virtual consultation than in the real life with a doctor because she (who's "she"? has many consultation. In addition she(Not the same "she", obviously...) doesn't need to go to an urgent care clinic, particularly if they live away in a rural areas. To put it is in a nutshell, Skype is a real progress because we can save money, time,... for a routine ailment. But if the patient suffers from a more serious disease, he should have a real consultation. However the new technological devices have many disadvantages as the second document, a recent cartoon by Matt WUERKER, inspired of the original painting of Norman ROCKWELL “Freedom from want”, can demonstrate. The place is at the grandparents ’s dining-room on Thanksgiving Day, they are eleven characters, and everybody have a technological devices but nobody talks whereas thanksgiving day is an annual public holiday, a happy day. To make a link with the notion, progress is every members of the family is connected because that is accessible of all, they talks
to their “machines” but the disadvantages isXXXX the real social link have disappeared, this is not XXXX user-friendly that before. The last documents is a press articles from the New York Times. The scene takes place in the USA and we can say in every countries of the world during the 21st century, so nowadays. The main idea is we alone together it means we
are connected with people but without having any conservation, as we are always in a bubble. He says “ we have sacrificed conversation for mere connection” I’m convinced this technological advance isn't a progress because we are not more careful, more present for our friend, our teacher and our family, everywhere and everytimes that , for example every people take this phone in the canteen of the high school, in the sofa of this house,(not clear at all...)... The iphone is an object that cannot happen in those days. With this technologies were as a rabbit, that is to say if we are always connected we are always careful about the events, the news of the world, we can have access to information from all over the world in a blink of an eye. And this stop our reflection, our thoughts… on our environment and our entourage. To make a link with the notion (again!
these repetitions show that the link isn't obvious ...), people are always connected but they no longer have conversations or exchanges as they used to. To conclude the new technologies have many advantages for make our easier life (example the telemedicine) but they change our social link. They have a bad impact for me
, it's not a progress it seems to me that it’s a problem to solve.Irritants mélanges de singuliers et pluriels ... Mode d'expression qui "sent la traduction"...
Réponse : Notion/ ideas of progress de antoine6750, postée le 04-02-2019 à 20:04:18 (S | E)
Je vous remercie beaucoup je vais comprendre et essayer de corriger mes fautes! Bonne fin de journée à vous😁😁
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