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Présentation/donneur de sang

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Présentation/donneur de sang
Message de mentanew75 posté le 05-03-2020 à 13:47:36 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je dois rédiger une présentation au sujet d'un donneur de sang australien afin de montrer qu'il s'agit d'un héro, bien qu'il ne soit pas reconnu comme tel. Pourriez-vous s'il vous plait me signaler d'éventuelles erreurs ou des maladresses de formulation.
Merci d'avance et bonne journée

Voici mon texte qui comprend une introduction, un développement, et une conclusion :

When we speak about superheroes, we usually refer to comic books heroes like Superman, or Spider Man. However, we shouldn’t forget that some people, even without superpowers, have accomplished great actions, sometimes risking their lives to save endangered humans. That is why I'm going to present to you today one of these heroes named James Harrison also known as the "Man With the Golden Arm," because I truly think these persons must be considered as heroes too.

James Harrison :
James Harrison is a 83 years old australian who was born on December 27th, 1936 in Sydney. During 60 years, he has donated blood nearly every week and contributed to save millions of australian babies gravely ill.
Everything started at the age of 14, when James Harrison underwent a major thoracic surgery operation, during which one of his lungs was removed. In order to ensure the success of the operation, he received a massive blood transfusion of around 13 liters, which saved his life.
To thank all the donors who contributed / participated to make he’s surgery a success, he decided, as soon as he turned 18, to use his blood to save other people's lives through donations, in spite of his strong distaste for needles. Thus, he has never watched a needle go into his arm and always turned his head during each donation, while he was trying to ignore the pain whenever one was inserted into his arm.

After becoming an adult, Harrison kept and honored his word, donating blood regularly with the Australian Red Cross Blood Service. Along the way, medical professionals made a stunning discovery: Mr. Harrison’s blood contained a rare antibody necessary to make a medication that could save babies from a potentially fatal disease called Rh disease we’re going to explain to you.

As you probably know, your blood type is whether "positive" or "negative." This is caused by a protein called the "Rh factor" located on the surface of red blood cells. When people have this protein, they are said to be "Rh positive," while if they lack the protein, they are "Rh negative."
For most people, whether they are Rh positive or Rh negative isn’t that important / or a life changer. However, for pregnant women, there can be problems when the mother is Rh negative but the fetus is Rh positive.
That's because the mother's immune system sees the Rh-positive blood cells of the fetus as "foreign" and makes antibodies against them. These antibodies can potentially cross the placenta and break down the fetus's red blood cells. In the worst cases, it can result in brain damage, or death,as today, such Rh incompatibility is one of the leading causes of illness and mortality in newborns.
That is why the particular antibody found in Harrisson’s blood allowed doctors and medical professionals to develop a medicine which helps fighting against rhesus disease.
As a matter of fact, scientists still aren’t sure why Harrison’s body naturally produces the rare antibody but think it is related to the blood transfusions he received as a teenager.

Finally, on 11th May 2018, the 83 year old made his final donation after more than 60 years and 1173 donations regreting he couldn't continue because he has reached the age limit for blood donors in Australia: "I'd keep on going if they'd let me" he said.

Conclusion :
To conclude, there’s no denying that courageous actions that forced heroes to risk their own lives to save other peoples are more memorable and more likely to be remembered. That’s certainly why we tend to forget or ignore other heroes’ actions because they are less impressive. That being said, the example of James Harrison we presented you today shows that even if we save millions of lives, we may still not known for the actions we’ve accomplished.


Réponse : Présentation/donneur de sang de here4u, postée le 05-03-2020 à 14:13:18 (S | E)
Hello!
When we speak about superheroes, we usually refer to comic books heroes like Superman, or Spider Man. However, we shouldn’t forget that some people, even without superpowers, have accomplished great actions, sometimes risking their lives to save endangered humans. That is why I'm going to present to you today one of these heroes named James Harrison also known as the "Man With the Golden Arm," because I truly think these persons must be considered as heroes too.
James Harrison :
James Harrison is a 83 years old australian (3 fautes dans ce segment + tirets...) who was born on December 27th, 1936 in Sydney. During 60 years, he has donated blood nearly every week and contributed to save millions of australian babies gravely ill (+ revoir ordre des mots).

Everything started at the age of 14, when James Harrison underwent a major thoracic surgery operation, during which one of his lungs was removed. In order to ensure the success of the operation, he received a massive blood transfusion of around 13 liters, which saved his life.
To thank all the donors who contributed/ participated to make he’s surgery a success, (he decided, as soon as he turned 18, to use his blood revoir l'ordre de ces segmnts) to save other people's lives through donations, in spite of his strong distaste for needles. Thus, he has never watched a needle go into his arm and always turned his head during each donation, while he was trying to ignore the pain whenever one was inserted into his arm.

After becoming an adult, Harrison kept and honored his word, donating blood regularly with the Australian Red Cross Blood Service. Along the way, medical professionals made a stunning discovery: Mr. Harrison’s blood contained a rare antibody necessary to make a medication that could save babies from a potentially fatal disease called Rh disease; we’re going to explain that to you.

As you probably know, your blood type is whether "positive" or "negative." This is caused by a protein called the "Rh factor" located on the surface of red blood cells. When people have this protein, they are said to be "Rh positive," while if they lack the protein, they are "Rh negative."
For most people, whether they are Rh positive or Rh negative isn’t that important/ or a life changer. However, for pregnant women, there can be problems when the mother is Rh negative but the fetus is Rh positive.
That's because the mother's immune system sees the Rh-positive blood cells of the fetus as "foreign" and makes antibodies against them. These antibodies can potentially cross the placenta and break down the fetus's red blood cells. In the worst cases, it can result in brain damage, or death, as today, such XX Rh incompatibility is one of the leading causes of illness and mortality in newborns.
That is why the particular antibody found in Harrisson’s blood allowed doctors and medical professionals to develop a medicine which helps fighting against rhesus disease.
As a matter of fact, scientists still aren’t sure why Harrison’s body naturally produces the rare antibody but think it is related to the blood transfusions he received as a teenager.

Finally, on 11th May 2018, the 83-year-old made his final donation after more than 60 years and 1173 donations regreting he couldn't continue because he has reached the age limit for blood donors in Australia: "I'd keep on going if they'd let me" he said.

Conclusion :
To conclude, there’s no denying that courageous actions that forced heroes to risk their own lives to save other peoples are more memorable and more likely to be remembered. That’s certainly why we tend to forget or ignore other heroes’ actions because they are less impressive. That being said, the example of James Harrison we presented you today shows that even if we save millions of lives, we may still not XX known for the actions we’ve accomplished.



Réponse : Présentation/donneur de sang de mentanew75, postée le 05-03-2020 à 18:11:31 (S | E)
Voilà mon texte corrigé. Les phrases entre parenthèse ont pour but de m'aider lors de ma présentation à l'oral mais ne figureront pas dans mon compte-rendu. Merci d'avance

When we speak about superheroes, we usually refer to comic books heroes like Superman, or Spider Man. However, we shouldn’t forget that some people, even without superpowers, have accomplished great actions, sometimes risking their lives to save endangered humans. That is why (I'm going to present to you, today,) one of these heroes named James Harrison also known as the "Man With the Golden Arm," because I truly think these persons must be considered as heroes too.
James Harrison :
James Harrison is a 83-year-old Australian who was born on December 27th, 1936 in Sydney. During 60 years, he has donated blood nearly every week and contributed to save millions of Australian ill babies.
Everything started at the age of 14, when James Harrison underwent a major thoracic surgery operation, during which one of his lungs was removed. In order to ensure the success of the surgery, he received a massive blood transfusion of around 13 liters, which saved his life.
To thank all the donors who contributed to make his surgery a success, he decided, as soon as he turned 18, to save other people's lives through donations, in spite of his strong distaste for needles. Thus, he has never watched a needle go into his arm and always turned his head during each donation, while he was trying to ignore the pain whenever one was inserted into his arm.

After becoming an adult, Harrison kept and honored his word, donating blood regularly with the Australian Red Cross Blood Service. Along the way, medical professionals made a stunning discovery: Mr. Harrison’s blood contained a rare antibody necessary to make a medication that could save babies from a potentially fatal disease called Rh disease; we’re going to explain that to you.

As you probably know, your blood type is either "positive" or "negative." This is caused by a protein called the "Rh factor" located on the surface of red blood cells. When people have this protein, they are said to be "Rh positive," while if they lack the protein, they are "Rh negative."
For most people, whether they are Rh positive or Rh negative isn’t that important/ or a life changer. However, for pregnant women, there can be problems when the mother is Rh negative but the fetus is Rh positive.
That's because the mother's immune system sees the Rh-positive blood cells of the fetus as "foreign" and makes antibodies against them. These antibodies can potentially cross the placenta and break down the fetus's red blood cells. In the worst cases, it can result in brain damage, or death, as today, such a Rh incompatibility is one of the leading causes of illness and mortality in newborns.
That is why the particular antibody found in Harrisson’s blood allowed doctors and medical professionals to develop a medicine which helps fight against rhesus disease.
As a matter of fact, scientists still aren’t sure why Harrison’s body naturally produces the rare antibody but think it is related to the blood transfusions he received as a teenager.

Finally, on 11th May 2018, the 83-year-old made his final donation after more than 60 years and 1173 donations regretting he couldn't continue because he had reached the age limit for blood donors in Australia: "I'd keep on going if they let me" he said.

Conclusion :
To conclude, there’s no denying that courageous actions that forced heroes to risk their own lives to save other peoples are more memorable and more likely to be remembered. That’s certainly why we tend to forget or ignore other heroes’ actions because they are less impressive. That being said, the example of James Harrison (we presented you today) shows that even if we save millions of lives, we may still not be known for the actions we’ve accomplished.



Réponse : Présentation/donneur de sang de gerondif, postée le 06-03-2020 à 19:25:15 (S | E)
Bonjour
During 60 years, he (has) donated blood nearly every week.

Les deux pendant :
J'ai été malade pendant une semaine pendant les vacances.
I was ill for a week during the holidays.

Trouvez la question :
When were you ill ? During the holidays. au cours des vacances, complément de temps.
How long were you ill ? For a week : complément de durée.



Réponse : Présentation/donneur de sang de gerold, postée le 07-03-2020 à 10:46:53 (S | E)
Bonjour
Dans la conclusion : to save other peoples, -s est de trop.





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