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Rédaction/control

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Rédaction/control
Message de sangokuhomer posté le 08-03-2020 à 18:33:36 (S | E | F)
Bonjours à tous
je suis en Terminale S et j'ai une rédaction en anglais à faire pour mardi.
Voici la problématique:Do you think it’s time to take back control ?
Voici ce que j'ai fait:

Since the launch of the first Iphone on 2007, smartphones gained popularity all over the world. In a world of technologie smartphones are everywhere. They are very useful because you can talk with your friends , play games and have information at the touch of your fingers at any second of the day. The number of users has increased significantly. and now smartphones are problematic because a lot of people, especially young people, are addicted to them. Do you think it’s time to take back control ?
First we will see that is hard to take back control because smartphones are everywhere then we will see how we can take back control
Smartphone addiction is so bad that it named a phobia after itself :Nomophobia which is defined as having a fear of not being with your phone. This addiction can cause health problem like depression in the words of Simon Sinek, a British lecturer. Some statistics are very frightening : A survey from deloite showed that 38% of people think they use their smartphones to much and it even go higher than 50% for people between 16 to 24 years old, the average smartphone user check their device 47 time a day and 86% of smartphone user will check their device while speaking with friends and familly.
Fortunately, this addiction can be limited with many solutions.
To reduce your time on your smartphone just disable your notifications because if you see no notification you brain won’t produce dopamine and you will not go to your smartphone. Moreover you can also download activity trackers app that tell you how many hours do you spend on your Don't sleep in the same room as your phone so you will be able to sleep better and avoid using it in your bed instead of sleeping.
Finally the best solution to this addiction is to take a step backwards and return to the touch-tone phone but not everybody could do it.
To conclude we can say that smartphone addiction is a real worldwide problem but there is a lot of solution to this problem and yes I think it’s time to take back control of our lifes and not to be a slaves to new technologies.

Merci pour votre correction.


Réponse : Rédaction/control de gerondif, postée le 08-03-2020 à 19:05:20 (S | E)
Bonjour
Vous êtes en S, donc maniez les maths à haute dose, alors, pour le plaisir du gag, ça m'interpelle de voir que vous pouvez écrire "a slaves", un singulier au pluriel et "There is a lot of solution", un pluriel au singulier.
Erreurs en bleu
Since the launch of the first Iphone on 2007, smartphones gained(present perfect avec le depuis en since) popularity all over the world. In a world of technologie smartphones are everywhere. They are very useful because you can talk with your friends , play games and have information at the touch of your fingers at any second of the day (point) The number of users has increased significantly. and now smartphones are problematic because a lot of people, especially young people, are addicted to them. Do you think it’s time to take back control ? First we will see that is hard to take back control because smartphones are everywhere then we will see how we can take back control
Smartphone addiction is so bad that it named a phobia after itself :Nomophobia which is defined as having a fear of not being with your phone. This addiction can cause health problems like depression in the words of Simon Sinek, a British lecturer. Some statistics are very frightening : A survey from deloite showed that 38% of people think they use their smartphones to(un o manque) much and it even go(présnt simple troisième personne, le S) higher than 50% for people between 16 to 24 years old(c'est soit from...to, soit between... and), the average smartphone user (sujet singulier, verbe pluriel) check their device 47 time (47 fois ! autant mettre un s à times)a day and 86% of smartphone user(pluriel) will check their device while speaking with friends and familly.
Fortunately, this addiction can be limited with many solutions.
To reduce your time on your smartphone just disable your notifications because if you see no notification you brain won’t produce dopamine and you will not go to your smartphone. Moreover you can also download activity trackers app that tell you how many hours do(à ôter) you spend on your phone. Don't sleep in the same room as your phone so you will be able to sleep better and avoid using it in your bed instead of sleeping. Finally the best solution to this addiction is to take a step backwards and return to the touch-tone phone but not everybody could (plutôt can) do it
To conclude we can say that smartphone addiction is a real worldwide problem but there is a lot of solution(pluriel) to this problem and yes I think it’s time to take back control of our lifes and not to be a slaves(singulier) to new technologies.




Réponse : Rédaction/control de sangokuhomer, postée le 08-03-2020 à 19:25:23 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour votre correction.
Bonne soirée.




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Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais


 


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