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Toefl/ correction 7

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais : Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Toefl/ correction 7
Message de louanna posté le 30-09-2020 à 19:13:27 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
voici une rédaction que je fais pour m'entraîner pour le TOEFL que je passe le 1er novembre, je serais ravie si vous pouvez me donner vos avis, et estimer la manière dont les phrases sont formées. Encore merci pour tous ceux qui m'aident.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement ? Grades (marks) encourage students to learn. Use specific examples to support your opinion.

When I was younger, I was the worse student in my class, but two years later, I became the first one. I can absolutely agree with the fact that grades encourage students to learn because it was my case and marks afford me to see how I’ve evolve through years.

In my opinion, this is because grades are important in a student’s life. In fact, some students can’t go to university or can’t success their diploma because of their grades. This is why teachers talk about our future since we are in high school, they want us to understand the role of marks.

Now, I see marks as a way to compare me with other students. For example if I have only 12/20 and the class have 10/20, then I’ll understand that the exam was difficult for everyone. But if I have 16/20 and other students have 18/20, I’ll understand that the exam was extremely easy.

Another point that can be considered, is that grading students is a source of competition between them. For example, I am first of my class, then if somebody have better marks than me, I would try to be better and stay at the first place. 4 years ago, I was the worst of my class and everyone was mocking of me, then I proved by my marks that I can be the best.

To sum up, grades motivate students to be better because of obligation, comparison, evolution and competition.


------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 30-09-2020 21:18
Gris + nous ne donnons pas de note ici.



Réponse : Toefl/ correction 7 de gerondif, postée le 30-09-2020 à 19:36:57 (S | E)
Bonjour
erreurs en bleu

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement ? Grades (marks) encourage students to learn. Use specific examples to support your opinion.

When I was younger, I was the worse (il faut un superlatif, pas un comparatif.) student in my class, but two years later, I became the first one (the best one). I can absolutely agree with the fact that grades encourage students to learn because it was my case and marks afford me to see how I’ve evolve through the years.
Vous pensez en français et choisissez le mauvais verbe : to afford, c'est se permettre de: I can't afford to buy a new car. Ici, c'est marks let me see, allow me to see...
Attention à vos conjugaisons : mettre un infinitif derrière l'auxilaire have, ça fait un peu léger.


In my opinion, this is because grades are important in a student’s life. In fact, some students can’t go to university or can’t success their diploma because of their grades. This is why teachers talk about our future since we are in high school, they want us to understand the role of marks.
Comment faites-vous pour mettre un nom (success) au lieu d'un verbe ? to succeed.
De plus, you fail an exam (rater) you take an exam or sit for an exam (passer un examen) you pass an exam (réussir un examen. Pensez au saut en hauteur et associez l'image, vous passez au dessus de la barre.)
Avec un depuis en for et en since, il faut un present perfect, piège classique d'examen. That's why teachers have talked to us about our future since we were in high school...


Now, I see marks as a way to compare me (myself, à cause du sujet I) with other students. For example if I have only 12/20 (se prononce twelve out of twenty) and the class have(j'aurais mis un singulier) 10/20, then I’ll understand (realise) that the exam was difficult for everyone. But if I have 16/20 and other students have 18/20, I’ll understand (conclude) that the exam was extremely easy.

Another point that can be considered, is that grading students is a source of competition between them. For example, imagine I am the first of (in, on dit souvent de ne pas mettre de of derrière un superlatif) my class, if somebody have(singulier!!) better marks than me, I would try (j'essaierais(conditionnel, son ê) ou j'essaierai (futur, son é) ? Là, du point de vue de la concordance des temps, il faudrait un futur)to be better and stay at the first place(maladroit). 4 years ago, I was the worst of my class and everyone was mocking of me,(français traduit, to make fun of somebody) then I proved by my marks that I can(la concordance des temps exigerait could) be the best.

To sum up, grades motivate students to be better because of obligation, comparison, evolution and competition.



Réponse : Toefl/ correction 7 de gerondif, postée le 01-10-2020 à 10:49:52 (S | E)
Bonjour
Je viens de regarder vos 7 productions.
Vous pourriez essayer :
1) de poster un merci après la correction. Ça permet au correcteur de voir qu'il a été lu avant qu'il ne découvre la demande de correction 8.
2) De poster une version corrigée de votre texte afin que l'on arrive à une version ayant le moins d'erreurs possibles. Là, vous partez avec les conseils et corrections des intervenants mais on ne sait pas ce que vous en faites.



Réponse : Toefl/ correction 7 de louanna, postée le 02-10-2020 à 22:11:47 (S | E)
D'accord merci pour ces conseils.



Réponse : Toefl/ correction 7 de louanna, postée le 02-10-2020 à 22:21:20 (S | E)
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement ? Grades (marks) encourage students to learn. Use specific examples to support your opinion.

When I was younger, I was the worst student in my class, but two years later, I became the best one. I can absolutely agree with the fact that grades encourage students to learn because it was my case and marks allow me to see how I evolved through the years.

In my opinion, this is because grades are important in a student’s life. In fact, some students can’t go to university or can’t succeed their diploma because of their grades. This is why teachers have talked to us about our future since we were in high school, they want us to understand the role of marks.


Now, I see marks as a way to compare myselft with other students. For example if I have only twelve out of twenty and the class is ten out of twenty , then I’ll realise that the exam was difficult for everyone. But if I have sixteen out of twenty and other students have eighteen out of twenty, I’ll conclude that the exam was extremely easy.

Another point that can be considered, is that grading students is a source of competition between them. For example, imagine I am the first in my class, if somebody is better than me, I will try to be better. 4 years ago, I was the worst in my class and everyone was making fun of me then I proved by my marks that I could be the best.

To sum up, grades motivate students to be better because of obligation, comparison, evolution and competition.

Je ne comprends pas très bien pourquoi dans la 3eme phrase du 4e paragraphe quand j’avais mis if... ensuite j’ai du mettre will et dans l’avant dernière phrase «I could be the best»



Réponse : Toefl/ correction 7 de gerondif, postée le 03-10-2020 à 00:18:03 (S | E)
Bonsoir
When I was younger, I was the worst student in my class, but two years later, I became the best one. I can absolutely agree (I do agree, forme d'insistance)with the fact that grades encourage students to learn because it was my case and marks allow me to see how I evolved through the years.

In my opinion, this is because grades are important in a student’s life. In fact, some students can’t go to university or can’t succeed their diploma (ne se dit pas. can't succeed in their studies, can't be successful in their studies, fail their exams)because of their grades. This is why teachers have talked to us about our future since we were in high school, they want us to understand the role of marks.


Now, I see marks as a way to compare myself with other students. For example if I have only twelve out of twenty and the class is(confusion être/avoir) ten out of twenty , then I’ll realise that the exam was difficult for everyone. But if I have sixteen out of twenty and other students have eighteen out of twenty, I’ll conclude that the exam was extremely easy.

Another point that can be considered, is that grading students is a source of competition between them. For example, imagine I am the first in my class, if somebody is better than me, I will try to be better. 4 years ago, I was the worst in my class and everyone was making fun of me then I proved by my marks that I could be the best.

To sum up, grades motivate students to be better because of obligation, comparison, evolution and competition.

Je ne comprends pas très bien pourquoi dans la 3eme phrase du 4e paragraphe quand j’avais mis if... ensuite j’ai du mettre will et dans l’avant dernière phrase «I could be the best»
concordance des temps : Il y a quatre ans, j'étais la plus mauvaise de ma classe et tout le monde se moquait de moi, (mais) j'ai ensuite prouvé par mes notes que je pouvais être la meilleure. Je prouve que je peux, j'ai prouvé que je pouvais.



Réponse : Toefl/ correction 7 de louanna, postée le 03-10-2020 à 15:36:28 (S | E)
Merci je vais réessayer en suivant vos conseils. Je posterai une réponse prochainement. Merci beaucoup



Réponse : Toefl/ correction 7 de louanna, postée le 03-10-2020 à 23:58:45 (S | E)
Bonsoir, voici la nouvelle version corrigée en suivant vos conseils merci.


When I was younger, I was the worst student in my class, but two years later, I became the best one. I do agree with the fact that grades encourage students to learn because it was my case and marks allow me to see how I evolved through the years.

In my opinion, this is because grades are important in a student’s life. In fact, some students can’t go to university or can’t studies because of their grades. This is why teachers have talked to us about our future since we were in high school, they want us to understand the role of marks.


Now, I see marks as a way to compare myself with other students. For example if I have only twelve out of twenty and the class has ten out of twenty , then I’ll realise that the exam was difficult for everyone. But if I have sixteen out of twenty and other students have eighteen out of twenty, I’ll conclude that the exam was extremely easy.

Another point that can be considered, is that grading students is a source of competition between them. For example, imagine I am the first in my class, if somebody is better than me, I will try to be better. 4 years ago, I was the worst in my class and everyone was making fun of me then I proved by my marks that I could be the best.

To sum up, grades motivate students to be better because of obligation, comparison, evolution and competition.



Réponse : Toefl/ correction 7 de gerondif, postée le 04-10-2020 à 00:17:42 (S | E)
Bonsoir
some students can’t go to university or can’t studies because of their grades.
Comment faites-vous pour mettre un verbe conjugué au présent derrière can't ?
On pourrait dire :
some students can’t go to university or can’t go on with their studies because of their grades.




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