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Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais
Tout ce qui a un rapport avec l'apprentissage de l'anglais: grammaire, orthographe, aides aux devoirs, phrases etc.

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Addicts ways (correction)
Message de zubok posté le 13-04-2007 à 22:56:11 (S | E | F | I)

Salut tout le monde, quelqu'un serai pourrait-il corriger mon deuxième texte en anglais pour un travail d'école. Merci d'avance

Summary:

Cannabis and other drugs are a real problem in Britain and all around the world. A report shows that there are more and more drug addicts today.
The most alarming thing is that hard drugs like heroin and crack, which are very dangerous drugs, and used by nearly an half of addicts.
It has been noticed that people, and especially children, who couldn’t be able to afford to buy their dose of drugs, began to steal. Even worse, some could kill. For example, a 15 years old boy murdered one of his brothers with a knife because he had smoked some joints.
Even if drug seizures have risen, officials can’t stop the main dealers and traffickers.
The downgrading of cannabis from class B category to class C category was a very bad decision. But children should interpret this in their way and begin to smoke.
The drug market in cannabis, ecstasy, crack and heroin is a market which offers chances for young adolescents to earn money easily. You should know that drug market brings in a lot of money, it’s comparable to a third of the tobacco market.
Even if the drug use is stable, there will always have addicts.


Comment:

I think that Cannabis and all other drugs are useless. Nobody should begin to some smoke joints just because it seems funny. Consequences are horrible and it’ difficult to stop smoking.
A lot of children begin to smoke joints at school with friends who have smoked for ages. They use drugs because they want to show that they are strong. But I think that they are just stupid because a real friend would never suggest you a joint.
I don’t think that legalization of “soft” drugs, like in Holland, is great. It incites adolescents to try them when they are 18 years old.
The drug market is a solution for children, adolescents and adults who need money. They become dealers then.
An other problem with drugs is that it’s dangerous for the health. For example a smoker of joints has 55 % more chances to have a lung cancer.
Children should be aware about drugs’ risks. They should be informed when they’re young at schools. They must know that drugs bring nothing good.
I know that it’s hard to stop this drug market because you can’t control your children all the time but they must be warned.
------------------
Modifié par bridg le 13-04-2007 23:13


Réponse: Addicts ways (correction) de mp27, postée le 11-04-2007 à 16:34:25 (S | E)
Hello zubok!
Très bon travail!

Summary:
-- living coasts --> coast = la côte. Pour le mot qu'il te faudrait il y a une lettre de trop!
Tu pourrais aussi penser au mot: (other) "expenses", qui irait bien dans le contexte.
-- mortgage --> il s'agit de “loan” (a student loan)

Comment:
-- You are obliged to do --> to be obliged n'a pas le sens de ce que tu veux dire. Revoir la traduction
-- during XXXX studies, students should --> ajouter l'adjectif possessif correspondant à “leurs”
-- few money.-- > Revoir l'emploi de little et de few.


Réponse: Addicts ways (correction) de nick27, postée le 11-04-2007 à 17:11:46 (S | E)
Hello

Je rajouterais 2 petites choses :

1/ "A lot of students can’t afford it, ten per cent of students must take out a mortgage if they want to study in an university."
=> on ne met pas "an" devant "university" car la lettre "u" ici n'est pas considérée comme voyelle à cause du son qu'elle a (contrairement à "an apple" par exemple)


2/ "...because it’s already hard for students to pay all their debts ..."
=> Je dirais "... to pay off their debts"




Réponse: Addicts ways (correction) de mp27, postée le 11-04-2007 à 18:00:11 (S | E)
Hello again!

-- A propos de la phrase reprise par Nick, il faut en effet enlever “an”.
-- to study “at” university.

-- Oui, les étudiants doivent, éventuellement “pay off” their debts, mais les dettes ne viennent pas seulement des frais de logement pendant la période des études, comme le texte le laisse entendre. Depuis septembre 1998, les étudiants anglais doivent aussi payer les “university fees”.
Les “student loans” sont organisés et les étudiants doivent “pay back their loan” après leurs études, quand ils commencent à travailler et recevoir un certain salaire annuel minimum. Le remboursement est automatiquement déduit de leur salaire.


Réponse: Addicts ways (correction) de zubok, postée le 11-04-2007 à 20:49:41 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup de votre aide. ^^


Réponse: Addicts ways (correction) de marlond, postée le 14-04-2007 à 00:47:57 (S | E)
Cannabis and other drugs are a real problem in Britain and all around the world. A report shows that there are more and more drug addicts today.
- This doesn't really work. Maybe :"there are more and more drug addicts nowadays" but that's not much better, or compare it to a past time, i.e."there are far more drug addicts nowadays than there were two generations ago"

The most alarming thing is that hard drugs like heroin and crack, which are very dangerous drugs, and used by nearly an half of addicts.
- "and" should read "are", i think.
- no need for "a(n)" - but note that it's "a half" and not "an half" - words beginning with "h" usually take "a", rather than "an", but there are exceptions. Here it should be "are used by nearly half of addicts"

It has been noticed that people, and especially children, who couldn’t be able to afford to buy their dose of drugs, began to steal.
- no need for "and"
- either "weren't able" or "couldn't" - not a mixture of the two!
- "dose" is usually of drugs in a medical sense - there is the fairly slang word "hit" (without the "of drugs") which would work well here, but you might like to put it in inverted commas to show it's slangy: "to afford to buy their 'hit', began..."

Even worse, some could kill. For example, a 15 years old boy murdered one of his brothers with a knife because he had smoked some joints.
- "what is even worse" is better
- "could" is conditional, and here you talking about facts and not condition.
- "he had been smoking joints" would be better, to show that the events happened close to each other in time, and that he committed the murder because of the drugs.

Even if drug seizures have risen, officials can’t stop the main dealers and traffickers.The downgrading of cannabis from class B category to class C category was a very bad decision.
- I think you mean "Even though..."
- "class" and "category" mean virtually the same thing here and you don't need both... We just talk about "class B" and "class C", so "the downgrading of cannabis from Class B to Class C was..."
- I think you should insert an "in my opinion" here, as it's an opinion and you've presented it as a fact really.

But children should interpret this in their way and begin to smoke.The drug market in cannabis, ecstasy, crack and heroin is a market which offers chances for young adolescents to earn money easily.
- The first sentence needs to be rewritten - it doesn't really make sense.
- we generally say "teenagers", but "adolescents" is okay, I suppose.

You should know that drug market brings in a lot of money, it’s comparable to a third of the tobacco market.
- "you should know.." is a strange construction - a native would never really say this
- "THE drug(s) market"
- should be "which is" defintely, and maybe "a third of the size of the tobacco market" would be better.

Even if the drug use is stable, there will always have addicts.
- Think about this sentence again... "even if", "stable", "there will always have"

I'll do the rest when this has been corrected


Réponse: Addicts ways (correction) de zubok, postée le 15-04-2007 à 16:03:30 (S | E)
Merci pour la première partie, je viens de la corriger.
Tu pourrais me dire si j'ai autant de fautes dans la deuxième? ^^
Merci

Summary:

Cannabis and other drugs are a real problem in Britain and all around the world. A report shows that there are far more drug addicts nowadays than there were two generations ago.
The most alarming thing is that hard drugs like heroin and crack, which are very dangerous drugs, are used by nearly half of addicts.
It has been noticed that people, and especially children, who weren’t able to afford to buy their “hit”, began to steal. What is even worse, some kill. For example, a 15 years old boy murdered one of his brothers with a knife because he had been smoking some joints.
Even thought drug seizures have risen, officials can’t stop the main dealers and traffickers.
The downgrading of cannabis from class B to class was a very bad decision in my opinion. But children interpret this in their way and begin to smoke.
The drug market in cannabis, ecstasy, crack and heroin is a market which offers chances for young teenagers to earn money easily. You should know that the drugs market brings in a lot of money, nearly a third of the size of the tobacco market.
Even if the consumption of drugs is stable, there will always have too many addicts…

=>

Comment:

I think that Cannabis and all other drugs are useless. Nobody should begin to some smoke joints just because it seems funny. Consequences are horrible and it’ difficult to stop smoking.
A lot of children begin to smoke joints at school with friends who have smoked for ages. They use drugs because they want to show that they are strong. But I think that they are just stupid because a real friend would never suggest you a joint.
I don’t think that legalization of “soft” drugs, like in Holland, is great. It incites adolescents to try them when they are 18 years old.
The drug market is a solution for children, adolescents and adults who need money. They become dealers then.
An other problem with drugs is that it’s dangerous for the health. For example a smoker of joints has 55 % more chances to have a lung cancer.
Children should be aware about drugs’ risks. They should be informed when they’re young at schools. They must know that drugs bring nothing good.
I know that it’s hard to stop this drug market because you can’t control your children all the time, but they must be warned.



Réponse: Addicts ways (correction) de zubok, postée le 11-04-2007 à 15:58:27 (S | E)
Salut tout le monde, est ce que quelqu'un pourrait corriger mon texte pour un travail d'école. Merci d'avance.

Summary:
The National Union of Student has found that privatisation of university accommodation has grown up.
Private companies supplied student bed spaces twice as much as universities and colleges do.
Students have to pay an average of about £ 82 a week. But costs vary across Britain.
If a student pays for his room and for other living coasts, he would be heavily in debt.
In Britain, It is hard to find cheap studio flats because private companies build luxurious flats that offer gym membership as standard for example.
A lot of students can’t afford it, ten per cent of students must take out a mortgage if they want to study in an university.
If the privatisation of university accommodation doesn’t stop, it will certainly create a divide between the rich and poor.

Comment:
Many students in Britain can’t afford their rents. But luckily, I have not this problem because I am still living with my family. So I can save up my money because I don’t have to pay for a costly studio flat.
There are a lot of disadvantages when students live in university accommodations. When you live alone, you must do the housework, you must cook. You are obliged to do that yourself.
So, you have less time to do other activities like going out with your girlfriend, sleeping or studying. I think that during studies, students should live with their family, it’s easier.
But there are advantages too: If you live in a studio flat; you can wake up later in the morning, you can throw parties every day, it must be great. Just for these advantages, I would like to have a studio flat.
I think that there shouldn’t be any privatisation of university accommodation because it’s already hard for students to pay all their debts. Flats should be cheaper for students because they have only few money.



Réponse: Addicts ways (correction) de marlond, postée le 17-04-2007 à 00:25:33 (S | E)
The National Union of Student has found that privatisation of university accommodation has grown up.
- Only someone (a person) can 'grow up' really (it means 'to get older', 'become an adult') - 'privatisation of university accommodation' doesn't make any sense. Simply 'grown' or 'increased'.

Private companies supplied student bed spaces twice as much as universities and colleges do.
- Awkwardly worded. better: Private companies now [add 'now' in order to show the change you're implying] provided twice as many student rooms as universities and colleges.

Students have to pay an average of about £ 82 a week. But costs vary across Britain.
- All good.

If a student pays for his room and for other living coasts, he would be heavily in debt.
- Often people say that 'his' refers specifically to a male person's thing(s), but there's nothing technically wrong with it. We often used 'their' where it's not clear whether it's 'his' or 'her' or simply 'his/her room' would work. Same applies with 'he' later on - either 'they' or 'he/she'
- 'Costs', not 'coAsts'!

In Britain, It is hard to find cheap studio flats because private companies build luxurious flats that offer gym membership as standard for example.
- No capital for 'It'
- 'For example' is in the wrong place - should be '...luxurious flats that, for example, offer gym membership as standard'.

A lot of students can’t afford it, ten per cent of students must take out a mortgage if they want to study in an university.
- This is simply not true: 10% of students do NOT take out a mortgage! - no student would get a mortgage without working a lot and having a high income! A mortgage is a loan for a house, nothing else!
- 'study AT university', not 'in an university', and it would be 'a university' anyway.

If the privatisation of university accommodation doesn’t stop, it will certainly create a divide between the rich and poor.
- no 'the' before 'privatisation'


Réponse: Addicts ways (correction) de marlond, postée le 17-04-2007 à 00:31:38 (S | E)
Many students in Britain can’t afford their rents. But luckily, I have not this problem because I am still living with my family. So I can save up my money because I don’t have to pay for a costly studio flat.
- 'rent' is usually singular.
- no comma after 'luckily'
- 'I don't have', not 'I have not' (Shakespeare might say 'I have not', but no one nowadays! )

There are a lot of disadvantages when students live in university accommodations. When you live alone, you must do the housework, you must cook. You are obliged to do that yourself.
- 'accommodation' is usually singular.
- 'have to' sounds better than 'must'.
- 'you have to do it all yourself' instead of 'you are obliged to do that yourself'.

So, you have less time to do other activities like going out with your girlfriend, sleeping or studying. I think that during studies, students should live with their family, it’s easier.
- 'during studies' should be 'while studying'
- 'BECAUSE/AS it's easier.'

But there are advantages too: If you live in a studio flat; you can wake up later in the morning, you can throw parties every day, it must be great. Just for these advantages, I would like to have a studio flat.
- no capital letter for 'If'.
- 'I would like to live in a flat purely for these reasons!' is better for the last sentence.

I think that there shouldn’t be any privatisation of university accommodation because it’s already hard for students to pay all their debts. Flats should be cheaper for students because they have only few money.
- 'few money'? NO. 'little money' 'don'thave very much money'.


You use the term 'studio flat' a lot - it's quite a specific term and I think you can replace all the the times you've used 'studio flat' simply with 'flat' - it'll sound more natural.




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