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rédaction... death penalty (1)

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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rédaction... death penalty
Message de olihand posté le 05-01-2008 à 15:49:34

Bonjour à tous, j'ai une rédaction à faire, dont le sujet est: "Are you pro or against the death penalty?" J'ai rédigé ce que j'ai pu, mais j'imagine qu'il y a un bon nombre de fautes, alors si quelqu'un pouvait m'aider pour me corriger, même partiellement, cela m'aiderait bien...

Voici ma rédaction:

Several countries permit the death penalty, like the majority of the states in the U.S. In France, the capital punishment was abolished in 1981.

We have to weight the pros and the cons to give our view about the death penalty.

First, the opponents say we can't kill someone, even thought his crime was terrible, because we would do the same crime on him. Besides, an innocent could be killed if the prooves are not sures.
A criminal who have to pass his life in jail continues to live, although the conditions are hard: food isn't very good, impossibility to see his family... but this is evolving, and it is still the life. Finally, a man with jail for life can have a second chance, to make amends.

On the contrary, we can be for the death penalty, and think: "a murderer kill somebody, so why not kill him?". But the prooves must be irrefutable, cause many doomed destined to death have already been cleared after their execution.
Furthermore, prisons are usually full, and take care of the prisoners is expensive; so the ultimate sentence is an argument to improve the situation.
The death penalty can reassure too the families of the victims and the population, who know the murderer is dead. A criminal can too prefer die rapidely, and don't suffer, than have a difficult life in prison.

I don't agree the death penalty, cause I think to rest all his life in jail is enough.

Voilà, je voudrais également mettre une citation d'Hugo, seulement je ne sais pas comment la traduire, alors si vous pensez que c'est possible, je la posterai... :D Merci de m'aider, même un tout petit peu

-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 05-01-2008 16:20
Il est demandé aux membres qui auront la gentillesse de répondre de signaler les fautes, d'aider le demandeur à se corriger mais de ne jamais faire le travail à sa place. Cette règle est incontournable sur ce site d'apprentissage. Merci de votre participation.
PS/ ce sujet n'entraînera aucun débat sur le forum.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 19-05-2008 15:41


Réponse: rédaction... death penalty de gee, postée le 06-01-2008 à 01:55:36
Hi oliehand.I won't argue as Bridg told us we couldn't turn the forum which is dedicated to language into a space for thought. (Fortunately you may think at school.) So I will only put into brackets the words that I thing having to be changed or corrected.

Several countries permit the death penalty, like the majority of the states in the U.S. In France, the capital punishment was abolished in 1981.

We have to weight the pros and the cons to give our view about the death penalty.

First, the opponents say we can't kill someone, even (thought) his crime was terrible, because we would do the same crime on him. Besides, an innocent could be killed if the (prooves) are not (sures).
A criminal who (have) to pass his life in jail continues to live, although the conditions are hard: food isn't very good, impossibility to see his family... but this is evolving, and it is still the life. Finally, a man (with jail for life > either he is in jail for life, or he is jailed for life) can have a second chance, to make amends.

On the contrary, we can be for the death penalty, and think: "a murderer (kill) somebody, so why not kill him?". But the (prooves) must be irrefutable, cause many doomed destined to death have already been cleared after their execution.
Furthermore, prisons are usually full, and (take) care of the prisoners is expensive; so the ultimate sentence is an argument to improve the situation.
The death penalty can reassure (too... put at a wrong place in the sentence) the families of the victims and the population, who know the murderer is dead. A criminal can (too.. same remark) prefer (missing particle) die rapidely, and (don't) suffer, than have a difficult life in prison.(you might live a life, that's more funny than have a life)

I don't agree (missing word) the death penalty, cause I think to rest all (his > impersonal pronoun, or plural) life in jail is enough.

Couldn't you send the Hugo's quotation as a private message, I would be interested in?
I find your text is not that bad.
My suggestions are to be taken with all proper reserve, I'm not a native, nor a teacher.
Bye.


Réponse: rédaction... death penalty de olihand, postée le 06-01-2008 à 17:50:20
J'ai corrigé, j'espère que ça pourra aller... (les changements sont en gras) Merci à vous Gee

Several countries permit the death penalty, like the majority of the states in the U.S. In France, the capital punishment was abolished in 1981.

We have to weight the pros and the cons to give our view about the death penalty.

First, the opponents say we can't kill someone, even if his crime was terrible, because we would do the same crime on him. Besides, an innocent could be killed if the evidence are not certains.
A criminal who has to pass his life in jail continues to live, although the conditions are hard: food isn't very good, impossibility to see his family... but this is evolving, and it is still the life. Finally, a man jailed for life can have a second chance, to make amends.

On the contrary, we can be for the death penalty, and think: "a murderer killed somebody, so why not kill him?". But the proof must be irrefutable, cause many doomed destined to death have already been cleared after their execution.
Furthermore, prisons are usually full, and taking care of the prisoners is expensive; so the ultimate sentence is an argument to improve the situation.
The death penalty can reassure the families of the victims and the population, who know the murderer is dead too. A criminal can prefer to die rapidely, and doesn't suffer, than live a difficult life in prison too.

I don't agree about the death penalty, cause I think to rest all one's life in jail is enough.



Réponse: rédaction... death penalty de alexio, postée le 07-01-2008 à 01:35:10
je suis anglais, je le corrigerai. les etoiles* replace les mots faux


Several countries permit the death penalty, like the majority of the states in the U.S. In France, the capital punishment was abolished in 1981.

We have to *weigh up* the pros and the cons to *find a balanced view on* the death penalty.

First, the opposition* say we can't kill someone, even thought his crime was terrible, because we would *be committing* the same crime on him. Besides, an innocent person* could be killed if the evidence* is not correct*.
A criminal who have to spend* his life in jail continues to live, but* the conditions are hard: food isn't very good,*and there is an impossibility of seeing* his family... *but he is evolving none the less*, and it is still life that he has*. Finally, a man with jail *sentance* for life can have a second chance, to make amends.

On the contrary, you* can be for the death penalty, and think: "a murderer killed* somebody, so why not kill them*?". But the evidence* must be irrefutable, because* many sentenced to death have in fact been cleared after their execution!*.
Furthermore, prisons are usually full, and to* take care of the prisoners is expensive; so the ultimate action is one that will* improve the situation.
The death penalty can also reassure the families of the victims and the population, by knowing that the murderer is dead. A criminal can too prefer to die rapidly, than to suffer by spending the rest of his life in prison*

I don't agree the death penalty, because* I think to spend* all his life in jail is enough.


voila, jai passé un longtemps de faire ca, mais je pense que c'est parfait koi ;)!!! j'espere que tu n'a pas du problem avec si beaucoup de changements.



Réponse: rédaction... death penalty de alexio, postée le 07-01-2008 à 01:39:10
merd j'ai voulu ecrir quelque chose autre.

Several countries permit the death penalty, like the majority of the states in the U.S. In France, the capital punishment was abolished in 1981.

We have to *weigh up* the pros and the cons to *find a balanced view on* the death penalty.

First, the opposition* say we can't kill someone, even thought his crime was terrible, because we would *be committing* the same crime on him. Besides, an innocent person* could be killed if the evidence* is not correct*.
A criminal who has to spend* his life in jail continues to live, but* the conditions are hard: food isn't very good,*and there is an impossibility of seeing* his family... *but he is evolving none the less*, and it is still life that he has*. Finally, a man with jail *sentance* for life can have a second chance, to make amends.

On the contrary, you* can be for the death penalty, and think: "a murderer killed* somebody, so why not kill them*?". But the evidence* must be irrefutable, because* many sentenced to death have in fact been cleared after their execution!*.
Furthermore, prisons are usually full, and to* take care of the prisoners is expensive; so the ultimate action is one that will* improve the situation.
The death penalty can also reassure the families of the victims and the population, by knowing that the murderer is dead. A criminal can too prefer to die rapidly, than to suffer by spending the rest of his life in prison*

I don't agree the death penalty, because* I think to spend* all his life in jail is enough.

edit : il manque quelque chose, "has en lieu de have"

-------------------
Modifié par micka le 07-01-2008 11:19
Merci d'utiliser la fonction "éditer" (le "E" sur la ligne indiquant votre réponse) pour ajouter un élément oublié.


Réponse: rédaction... death penalty de olihand, postée le 10-01-2008 à 17:57:57
Merci énormément pour votre aide, très rapide en plus




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