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Commentaire/Ellis Island (1)

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Commentaire/Ellis Island
Message de kfug posté le 26-12-2008 à 16:30:16 (S | E | F)

Bonjour, j'ai un commentaire à rendre pour la rentrée en Anglais et après l'avoir rédigé du mieux que je pouvais j'aimerais que l'un d'entre vous me dise si j'y ai laissé quelques fautes.

Le voici et merci d'avance :

Intro
The text is taken from Ellis Island, book written by Fred Stewart.
It speaks about the immigration problem in the early 20th century.
For some immigrant who seemed to be not healthy, an exam was to be done with a specialist.
This is the case of Jacob who have to take it.
We can notice that a lot of people didn’t pass successfuly the test. So we could divide the text in 2 parts. Firstly the conditions of Jacob’s examination and more widely how it happens. Secondly, we will focus our attention on the discussion between the Doctor and Jacob, then finally how he can reach America without troubles.


Partie 1

To begin, we must know that more of 75 Million people reached Ellis Island in the year 1900, each person had to pass an exam as questions. But, for some who had a disease, conditions of examination were more difficults. So for Jacob who speaks barely English, it’s not easy to defend himself. What’s more he limps slightly when his bullet wound ached him. On his coat a chark is tie so as to warn his difficultie to walk. So to say, the examination is too difficult an exercice for him all the more as he must bounce on the doctor’s questions. He can’t wast his time by reflecting even if it’s a rough time, maybe only a stroke of luck could save him. But just relying on his sympatic face is not possible. The case of Jacob wasn’t easy in the past, that’s to say in the real life, since the population of the USA was very exigeant with immigrants showing any diseases. They didn’t want that someone ill arrive in their country lest contracting the same.
So how Jacob can be able to pass the test with a view to arriving in America and save himself ?

Partie 2

When he is confronted with the doctor he knows that he must save him somehow and adopt a good behavior. He shows himself persuasive enough and tries by all means to divert doctor’s attention from his bullet wound. Besides he tricks him and lie by telling a wrong story about the cause of his scar. However the doctor understands the lie but under no circumstances we could have thought that he would let Jacob entering America in view of the context. Nevertheless it’s the case and maybe out of pity he gives him the autorisation. Anyway Jacob gains what he wants and we have to admit it, the falsehood was not big enough to refuse him but it could came under suspicion. It must be his lucky day !


-------------------
Modifié par kfug le 26-12-2008 16:31

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 26-12-2008 16:42
titre


Réponse: Commentaire/Ellis Island de kfug, postée le 27-12-2008 à 10:43:30 (S | E)
Ptit Up, vraiment personne pour me le corriger ?


Réponse: Commentaire/Ellis Island de jean31, postée le 27-12-2008 à 14:47:46 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Hier, j'ai lu ton travail et même balisé les première et deuxième parties mais je dois reconnaître que j'ai été découragé par l'ampleur de la tâche et j'ai renoncé.
Par exemple et pour ne citer qu'un seul problème, j'ai beaucoup de mal à admettre qu'un récit, fût-il celui d'un célèbre roman ou de son adaptation cinématographique, puisse être fait au présent. D'autant plus que les événements relatés remontent au tout début du siècle dernier.
Ce qui est valable en français ne l'est pas forcément en anglais.
Toi même, tu finis d'ailleurs par employer du preterit dans certains passages et, alors que cet emploi devrait être la règle, il en devient incongru.
Des fautes aussi sur la concordance des temps, etc.
Conseil : reprends ton récit et améliore-le à la lumière de ce qui précède.
Envoie ton texte paragraphe par paragraphe et non le gros paquet d'un seul coup, ce sera moins décourageant pour les bonnes volontés du site.
Bon travail.



Réponse: Commentaire/Ellis Island de kfug, postée le 29-12-2008 à 23:57:24 (S | E)
Bonjour, merci de vos conseils, j'ai repris tout mes paragraphes au prétérit et corrigé 2, 3 petites choses par ci par là mais mis à part cela je ne vois pas d'autres erreurs, c'est pourquoi je m'en réfère à plus expérimenté dans le but de m'éclairer sur les fautes que j'ai commises.
En vous remerciant d'avance, voici mon introduction :

Intro


The text is taken from Ellis Island, book written by Fred Stewart.
It speaks about the immigration problem in the early 20th century.
For some immigrant who seemed to be not healthy, an exam had to do with a specialist.
It was the case of Jacob who had to take it.
We can notice that a lot of people didn’t pass successfuly the test. So we could divide this text in 2 parts. Firstly the conditions of Jacob’s examination and more widely how it happened. Secondly, we will focus our attention on the discussion between the Doctor and Jacob, then finally how he could reach America without any troubles.



Réponse: Commentaire/Ellis Island de jean31, postée le 30-12-2008 à 11:22:05 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Je salue ta réaction et t'en félicite.
Voici donc mon petit grain de sel.
En rouge ce qui ne va pas, en vert mes suggestions, en bleu mes commentaires.

Intro

The text is taken from Ellis Island, a book written by Fred Stewart.
It speaks is/deals/ about the immigration problem in the early 20th century.
For Some immigrants who seemed to be not unhealthy,<(Un antonyme, c'est bien pratique) had to go through a medical examination had to do with before a doctor/specialist.
It was the case of with Jacob who had to take it.
We can notice that a lot of people didn’t pass successfuly the test.<(Pléonasme. To pass = to succeed) So we could divide this text into 2 parts. First(ly) the conditions of Jacob’s examination and more widely how it happened. Second(ly), we will focus our attention on the discussion between the doctor and Jacob, then finally how he could reach America without any troubles.

Si tu souhaites avoir des explications complémentaires, n'hésite pas à revenir questionner.
@+


Réponse: Commentaire/Ellis Island de kfug, postée le 30-12-2008 à 18:20:23 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide, j'ai bien compris mes erreurs, mais pourquoi je n'aurais pas pu mettre : an exam had to do with a specialist ?

Sinon (et si vous en avez le courage bien sûr) voici ma première partie, j'ai corrigé ce que j'ai pu... En vous remerciant d'avance!

To begin, we must know that more of 75 Million people reached Ellis Island in the year 1900, each person had to pass an exam as questions. But,
for some who had a disease, conditions of examination were more difficults. So for Jacob who speaked barely English, it was not easy to defend
himself. What’s more he limped slightly when his bullet wound ached him. On his coat a chark was tied so as to warn his difficultie to walk. So to
say, the examination was too difficult an exercice for him all the more as he must bounce on the doctor’s questions. He couldn’t wast his time by
reflecting even if it was a rough time, maybe only a stroke of luck could have save him. But just relying on his sympatic face was not possible. The
case of Jacob wasn’t easy in a distant past, that’s to say in the real life, since the population of the USA was very exigeant with immigrants
showing any diseases. They didn’t want that someone ill arrive in their country lest contracting the same.
So how Jacob can have be able to pass the test with a view to arriving in America and saved himself ?


Réponse: Commentaire/Ellis Island de jean31, postée le 30-12-2008 à 21:31:31 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide, j'ai bien compris mes erreurs, mais pourquoi je n'aurais pas pu mettre : an exam had to do with a specialist ?
=> "un examen devait faire avec un spécialiste". D'après toi, ça veut dire quelque chose ?
À la rigueur, tu aurais pu dire
:...had to be done... en employant une tournure passive. Tu piges ?

Sinon (et si vous en avez le courage bien sûr) voici ma première partie, j'ai corrigé ce que j'ai pu... En vous remerciant d'avance!

Balisé en rouge ce qui ne va pas et doit être corrigé.
Le indique une omission.
Commentaires en bleu.

To begin, we must know that more of 75 Million people reached Ellis Island in the year 1900, each person had to pass an exam as questions. But, for some who had a disease, conditions of examination were more difficults
. So for Jacob who speaked barely English, it was not easy to defend himself. What’s more he limped slightly when his bullet wound ached him. [On his coat a chark was tied so as to warn his difficultie to walk.] Cette phrase n'a aucun sens. So to say, the examination was too difficult an exercice for him all the more as he must bounce on the doctor’s questions. He couldn’t waste his time by reflecting even if it was a rough time, maybe only a stroke of luck could have save him. But just relying on his sympatic face was not possible. The case of Jacob wasn’t easy in a distant past, that’s to say in the real life, since the population of the USA was very exigeantBarbarisme with immigrants showing any diseases. They didn’t want that someone ill arrive in their country lest contracting the same .
So how Jacob can have be able to pass the test with a view to arriving in America and saved himself ?

- Sais-tu que l'adjectif est invariable ?
- Sais-tu qu'il existe des verbes irréguliers ?
- N'as-tu pas de dictionnaire ?


Au boulot !











Réponse: Commentaire/Ellis Island de planciaux, postée le 01-01-2009 à 13:10:50 (S | E)
It is difficult to translate a text when the original is not presented. However, here are some suggestions:


To begin, we must know (we must realize that)that more of (more than)75 Million (million) people reached Ellis Island in the year 1900, each person had to pass an (oral test). But,
for some who had a disease, conditions of examination were more difficults (difficult). SoSo, for Jacob who speaked barely(barely spoke English,) English, it was not easy to defend
himself. What’s more(,) he limped slightly when his bullet wound (bothered him OR caused him pain)ached him. On his coat a chark was tiedHis coat was marked with chalk,) so as to warn (of his difficulty walking.)his difficultie to walk. The following sentences are not clear.So to
say, the examination was too difficult an exercice for him all the more as he must bounce on the doctor’s questions. He couldn’t wast his time by
reflecting even if it was a rough time, maybe only a stroke of luck could have save him. But just relying on his sympatic face was not possible. The
case of Jacob wasn’t easy in a distant past, that’s to say in the real life, since the population of the USA was very exigeant demanding concerning immigrantswith immigrants
showing any diseases. They didn’t want that (sick person to arrive in their country for fear of contacting the same disease.)someone ill arrive in their country lest contracting the same.
So how Jacob can have be able to (So, how could Jacob)pass the test with a view to arriving in America and saved (save himself)himself ?

Good luck and Happy New Year!


Réponse: Commentaire/Ellis Island de kfug, postée le 04-01-2009 à 14:56:32 (S | E)
Thank you very much for your help, it is very useful!

I have a third part so if you wanna take a look i'll be glad.

When he was confronted with the doctor he knew that he must save him somehow and adopt a good behavior. He showed himself persuasive
enough and tried by all means to divert doctor’s attention from his bullet wound. Besides he tricked him and lied by telling a wrong story about the
cause of his scar. However the doctor understood the lie but under no circumstances we could have thought that he would let Jacob entering
America in view of the context. Nevertheless it was the case and maybe out of pity he gave him the autorisation. Anyway Jacob gained what he
wanted and we have to admit it, the falsehood was not big enough to refuse him but it could came under suspicion. It must be his lucky day !


Réponse: Commentaire/Ellis Island de jean31, postée le 04-01-2009 à 15:54:25 (S | E)
Here's my last contribution:

When he was confronted with the doctor he knew that he must save himself somehow and adopt a good behavior. He showed himself persuasive enough and tried by all means to divert the doctor’s attention from his bullet wound. Besides he tricked him and lied by telling a wrong story about thecause of his scar. However the doctor understood the lie but under no circumstances could we have thought that he would let Jacob enter America in view of the context. Nevertheless it was the case and maybe out of pity he gave him the autorisation. Anyway Jacob gained what he wanted and we have to admit it, the falsehood was not big enough to refuse him but it could have come under suspicion. It must have been his lucky day!








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