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Correction of a text (1)

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Correction of a text
Message de loupevivante posté le 15-03-2009 à 19:19:34 (S | E | F)

Could you correct my mistakes in this text? Thank you!

What is the meaning of “Four legs good, two legs bad.”?
This phrase, which occurs in Chapter III, constitutes Snowball's condensation of the Seven Commandments of Animalism, which themselves serve as abridgments of Old Major's stirring speech on the need for animal unity in the face of human oppression. The phrase instances one of the novel's many moments of propagandizing, which Orwell portrays as one example of how the elite class abuses language to control the lower classes. Although the slogan seems to help the animals achieve their goal at first, enabling them to clarify in their minds the principles that they support, it soon becomes a meaningless sound bleated by the sheep (“two legs baa-d”), serving no purpose other than to drown out dissenting opinion. By the end of the novel, as the propagandistic needs of the leadership change, the pigs alter the chant to the similar-sounding but completely antithetical “Four legs good, two legs better.”



Réponse: Correction of a text de laure95, postée le 16-03-2009 à 14:37:37 (S | E)
Bonjour, voici les quelques petites erreurs à corriger:
What is the meaning of “Four legs good, two legs bad.”?
This phrase (ou sentence), which occurs (that we can find)in Chapter III, constitutes Snowball's condensation of the Seven Commandments of Animalism, which themselves serve as abridgments of Old Major's stirring speech on the need for animal unity in the face of human oppression (phrase 1 peu longue). The phrase instances one of the novel's many moments of propagandizing (à reformuler sans cas possessif), which Orwell portrays as one (an) example of how the elite class abuses language to control the lower classes. Although the slogan seems to help the animals to achieve their goals at first, enabling them to clarify in their minds the principles that they support (déplacer in their minds), it soon becomes a meaningless sound bleated by the sheep (“two legs baa-d”), serving no purpose other (pas à la bonne place) than to drown (gérondif) out dissenting opinion. By the end of the novel, as the propagandistic needs of the leadership change, the pigs alter the chant to the similar-sounding but completely antithetical “Four legs good, two legs better.”





Réponse: Correction of a text de TravisKidd, postée le 16-03-2009 à 16:24:27 (S | E)
With all due respect to laure95, I think the original text is perfect, not to mention displays a good knowledge of vocabulary and grammatical structures!

A couple comments nevertheless:
- Although it's optional, putting the accent mark on "élite" makes your text appear ... well ... more élite.
- Although I understand what you mean, I've never seen "instance" used as a verb before. I would probably use "illustrate" or "exemplify".

In any case, a very good job. Much better than the writing of most native speakers.


Réponse: Correction of a text de loupevivante, postée le 16-03-2009 à 17:24:43 (S | E)
This is better? Thank you for your answer...

This sentence, that we can find in Chapter III, constitutes Snowball's condensation of the Seven Commandments of Animalism, which themselves serve as abridgments of Old Major's stirring speech on the need for animal unity in the face of human oppression. The sentence illustrates one of the many moments of propagandizing in this novel, which Orwell portrays as an example of how the elite class abuses language to control the lower classes. Although the slogan seems to help the animals achieve their goal at first, enabling them to clarify the principles that they support in their minds, it soon becomes a meaningless sound bleated by the sheep (“two legs baa-d”), serving no purpose other than to drowning out dissenting opinion. By the end of the novel, as the propagandistic needs of the leadership change, the pigs alter the chant to the similar-sounding but completely antithetical “Four legs good, two legs better.”

-------------------
Modifié par loupevivante le 16-03-2009 17:25


Réponse: Correction of a text de laure95, postée le 17-03-2009 à 10:20:33 (S | E)
I agree with traviskid: i' ve just made some remarks to improve your text which was already good.


Réponse: Correction of a text de loupevivante, postée le 17-03-2009 à 12:30:37 (S | E)
Thank you for your help..



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