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jeune Indiens/correction
Message de koyuki posté le 22-04-2009 à 15:45:13 (S | E | F)
Je suis en classe de 1ère scientifiques ( option SVT ) et l'anglais est ma LV1, le sujet du jour ( à rendre demain malheureusement ) été : rédigé un article de journal de 200 mots ( minimum ) racontant le travail d'un jeune Indiens, je précise qu'une 10aines de mots et expressions nous sont données dans une toolbox et que nous avons l'obligation de tous les utiliser.
En espérant que vous puissiez me corriger avant demain je vous remercie d'avance pour le travail que vous allez fournir, j'ai bien sur retravaillé mon texte un maximum de fois pour essayer de supprimer le plus de fautes :
Voilà le texte en lui même :
Naresh, the little boy from Rajhastan
While in occident, the child labour was abolished since more than a century, in India
I met a young boy who work like a slave in a quarry since he was 7.
His name is Naresh, he's only 12 years old. In his room, no video-games, no books, no pens, no posters of his favorite football team or music band, only a bed and, strangely, in a corner, a hammer and a chisel. I asked him "What do you do with this tools ?" he laughed and he explained me that he worked in a quarry.
Naresh, as thousands of others poor Indian children have to work all day long to survive, his mother died when he was 2 and his father is HIV-positive and heroin addict. Naresh have to pay his drug if he don't want to be beat.
More over, the working condtions in the quarry were verry hard, especially for a kid like Naresh. The children don't wear any gloves to carry heavy stones, they work barefoot and, in spite of the heat without hat. The accidents are very frequent. Naresh earn only the equivalent of 11 pence a in one hour, it's fifty times less than an american paperboy. I asked him he name of his employer and he said "Sears, the famous american firm" ...
Voilà, il y a une mise en page avec image et logo du Guardian mais je ne peux pas vous la montrez ici, merci de votre aide !
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Modifié par bridg le 22-04-2009 15:52
titre
Message de koyuki posté le 22-04-2009 à 15:45:13 (S | E | F)
Je suis en classe de 1ère scientifiques ( option SVT ) et l'anglais est ma LV1, le sujet du jour ( à rendre demain malheureusement ) été : rédigé un article de journal de 200 mots ( minimum ) racontant le travail d'un jeune Indiens, je précise qu'une 10aines de mots et expressions nous sont données dans une toolbox et que nous avons l'obligation de tous les utiliser.
En espérant que vous puissiez me corriger avant demain je vous remercie d'avance pour le travail que vous allez fournir, j'ai bien sur retravaillé mon texte un maximum de fois pour essayer de supprimer le plus de fautes :
Voilà le texte en lui même :
Naresh, the little boy from Rajhastan
While in occident, the child labour was abolished since more than a century, in India
I met a young boy who work like a slave in a quarry since he was 7.
His name is Naresh, he's only 12 years old. In his room, no video-games, no books, no pens, no posters of his favorite football team or music band, only a bed and, strangely, in a corner, a hammer and a chisel. I asked him "What do you do with this tools ?" he laughed and he explained me that he worked in a quarry.
Naresh, as thousands of others poor Indian children have to work all day long to survive, his mother died when he was 2 and his father is HIV-positive and heroin addict. Naresh have to pay his drug if he don't want to be beat.
More over, the working condtions in the quarry were verry hard, especially for a kid like Naresh. The children don't wear any gloves to carry heavy stones, they work barefoot and, in spite of the heat without hat. The accidents are very frequent. Naresh earn only the equivalent of 11 pence a in one hour, it's fifty times less than an american paperboy. I asked him he name of his employer and he said "Sears, the famous american firm" ...
Voilà, il y a une mise en page avec image et logo du Guardian mais je ne peux pas vous la montrez ici, merci de votre aide !
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 22-04-2009 15:52
titre
Réponse: jeune Indiens/correction de laure95, postée le 22-04-2009 à 18:56:21 (S | E)
Bonsoir, voici ce que tu dois corriger:
Naresh, the little boy from Rajhastan
While in occident, the child labour was (SINCE + PRESENT PERFECT) abolished since more than a century, in India
I met a young boy who work (conjugaison!) like a slave in a quarry since he was 7.
His name is Naresh, he's only 12 years old. In his room, there are no video-games, no books, no pens, no posters of his favorite football team or music band, only a bed and, strangely, in a corner, a hammer and a chisel. I asked him "What do you do with this (THIS + SINGULIER, THESE + PLURIEL) tools ?" he laughed and he explained me that he worked (preterit progressif) in a quarry.
Naresh, as thousands of other
More over (en 1 seul mot),