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Correction story
Message de jonew10 posté le 10-05-2009 à 19:14:42 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
pourriez-vous m'aider à corriger cette histoire? En fait, je dois corriger l'histoire d'un camarade de classe et donc je n'ai pas l'histoire en français. Mais le texte n'est pas difficile à comprendre.
"Steve would really be part of the gang 'The Hards'. Does he has the courage and strength to integrate this group? Therefore he needs to spend a whole night in the most dangerous house from London. This house is located in the middle of a forest, far away from residential areas and in which several people were killed. Some people were slaughtered while others were hanged.
The great night arrive when Steve, my best friend, needs to prove himself. After trying to convince him not to enter this house, his decision was not made. He was hesitant while his friends and his girlfriend strongly incited him to act. I was doing great signs of waiver because I did not want to risk losing my best friend.
My friend hesitant, he looked for more than five minutes to his girl friend's eyes in a total silence. Then in fear, I realize that Steve turned his back on them and walked slowly into the home.
d'avance.
Message de jonew10 posté le 10-05-2009 à 19:14:42 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
pourriez-vous m'aider à corriger cette histoire? En fait, je dois corriger l'histoire d'un camarade de classe et donc je n'ai pas l'histoire en français. Mais le texte n'est pas difficile à comprendre.
"Steve would really be part of the gang 'The Hards'. Does he has the courage and strength to integrate this group? Therefore he needs to spend a whole night in the most dangerous house from London. This house is located in the middle of a forest, far away from residential areas and in which several people were killed. Some people were slaughtered while others were hanged.
The great night arrive when Steve, my best friend, needs to prove himself. After trying to convince him not to enter this house, his decision was not made. He was hesitant while his friends and his girlfriend strongly incited him to act. I was doing great signs of waiver because I did not want to risk losing my best friend.
My friend hesitant, he looked for more than five minutes to his girl friend's eyes in a total silence. Then in fear, I realize that Steve turned his back on them and walked slowly into the home.
d'avance.
Réponse: Correction story de brettdallen, postée le 10-05-2009 à 20:45:44 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Je vous signale ce qui est vraiment à revoir...
"Steve would really be part of the gang 'The Hards'(je m'interroge quand même sur ce que vous vouliez dire dans cette phrase...). Does he has(base verbale!) the courage and strength to integrate(choisissez un autre verbe) this group? Therefore(quel lien logique? en fait vos premières phrases ne sont pas très claires) he needs to spend a whole night in the most dangerous house from(autre préposition) London. This house is located in the middle of a forest, far away from residential areas and in which(problème de syntaxe) several people were killed. Some people were slaughtered while others were hanged.
The great night arrive(1)mal "conjugué 2)mal placé 3)choix du verbe à revoir) when Steve, my best friend, needs to prove himself. After trying to convince him not to enter this house, his decision was not made(je suis surpris par cette négation... et la forme verbale et à revoir). He was hesitant while his friends and his girlfriend strongly incited him to act. I was doing great signs of waiver(que vouliez-vous dire?) because I did not want to risk losing my best friend.
My friend(was) hesitant. he looked for more than five minutes to his girl(attaché!) friend's eyes in a total silence. Then in fear, I realize(d) that Steve turned his back on them and walked slowly into the home("house").
Soyez plus cohérent dans vos choix de temps et dites à votre ami qu'il essaie de construire de manière plus logique(mentalement ou par écrit) avant de se lancer dans la traduction..
Au travail!
Cordialement.
Réponse: Correction story de jonew10, postée le 11-05-2009 à 18:20:33 (S | E)
Bonjour,
merci brettdallen pour ta correction.
Encore!
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Modifié par jonew10 le 11-05-2009 18:20
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Modifié par jonew10 le 11-05-2009 18:21