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Correction -Children & television

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction -Children & television
Message de detectivefff posté le 27-02-2010 à 17:08:08 (S | E | F)

Bonjour,
Je ne suis pas sûre de ma grammaire, donc, ce serait gentil que vous m'aidiez à corriger le petit texte.
Merci d'avance

Parents always want their children to grow in the best conditions. It does not mean that parents have to respond to all demands & habits of their children. Television is an interesting mean to relax but it is not good for children to spend too much time watching television.
There are lots of negative influences if children spends hours by hours at the front of television. On the aspect of health, that increases the risk of osteoporosis in spite of sitting at the same place lots of time (according to the statistics of the Medical officer of health, Cambridge). That also grows the risk of death of cardiovascular & cancer. Moreover, children may be take the risk of obesity & increase of the lipid rate in blood.
On intellectual aspect, that decrease the creativeness because television can not reflect everything in the real life. Children may be contract depression & absent-minded. They become more and more passive, they do not want to talk and make friends with others.
They need to be encouraged to join collective activities, play sports, make friends with others...


Réponse: Correction -Children & television de linsey34, postée le 27-02-2010 à 19:32:31 (S | E)
Hi !!

Parents always want their children to grow in the best conditions. It does not mean that parents have to respond to all the demands & habits of their children. Television is an interesting means to relax but it is not good for children to spend too much time watching television.
There are lots of negative influences if children spends hours by hours at the front of television. On the aspect of health, that increases the risk of osteoporosis in spite of sitting at the same place lots of time (according to the statistics of the Medical officer of health, Cambridge). That also grows the risk of death of cardiovascular & cancer. Moreover, children may be take the risk of obesity & increase of the lipid rate in blood.
On intellectual aspect, that decreases the creativeness because television can not reflect everything in the real life. Children may be contract depression & absent-minded. They become more and more passive, they do not want to talk and make friends with others.
They need to be encouraged to join collective activities, play sports, make friends with others...


Réponse: Correction -Children & television de detectivefff, postée le 28-02-2010 à 10:44:01 (S | E)
Hi,
Thank you so much, Linsey34

There are lots of negative influences if children spend hour by hour in front of television. On the aspect of health, that increases the risk of osteoporosis in spite of sitting at the same place far too much time (according to the statistics of the Medical officer of health, Cambridge). That also adds the risk of death from cardiovascular & cancer. Moreover, children maybe have the risk of obesity & increase the lipid rate in blood.
In the terms of intelligence, that decreases the creativeness because television can not reflect everything in the real life. Children maybe contract depression & forgetful. They become more and more passive, they do not want to talk and make friends with others.
They need to be encouraged to join collective activities, play sports, make friends with others...


Réponse: Correction -Children & television de laure95, postée le 28-02-2010 à 18:15:35 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Voici ce que tu dois encore corriger:
There are lots of negative influences if children spend hour by (pas la bonne préposition) hour in front of television. On the aspect of health, that increases the risk of osteoporosis in spite of sitting at the same place far too much time (according to the statistics of the Medical officer of health, Cambridge). That also adds the risk of death from cardiovascular & cancer. Moreover, children maybe (pas à la bonne place) have the risk of obesity & increase the lipid rate in blood.
In the terms of intelligence, that decreases the creativeness because television can not reflect everything in the real life. Children maybe contract depression & forgetful. They become more and more passive, they do not want to talk and make friends with others.
They need to be encouraged to join collective activities, play sports, make friends with others...



Réponse: Correction -Children & television de detectivefff, postée le 01-03-2010 à 09:45:39 (S | E)
Merci, Laure95

There are lots of negative influences if children spend for hours in front of television. On the aspect of health, that increases the risk of osteoporosis in spite of sitting at the same place too much time (according to the statistics of the Medical officer of health, Cambridge). That also adds the risk of death from cardiovascular & cancer. Moreover, children have maybe the risk of obesity & increase the lipid rate in blood.
In the terms of intelligence, that decreases the creativeness because television can not reflect everything in the real life. Children contract maybe depression & the forgetful disease .They become more and more passive, they do not want to talk and make friends with others.
They need to be encouraged to join collective activities, play sports, make friends with others...


Réponse: Correction -Children & television de laure95, postée le 02-03-2010 à 14:57:48 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Voici ce que tu dois encore corriger:
There are lots of negative influences if children spend for hours (hours and hours) in front of television. On the aspect of (mal dit) health, that increases the risk of osteoporosis in spite of sitting at the same place too much time (on attend 1 suite car "in spite of" veut dire au lieu de) (according to the statistics of the Medical officer of health, Cambridge). That also adds the risk of death from cardiovascular & cancer. Moreover, children have maybe the risk of obesity (enlever "maybe" et conjuguer le verbe TO RISK) & increase the lipid rate in blood.
In the terms of (mal dit) intelligence, that decreases the creativeness because television can not (faire la contraction) reflect everything in the real life. Children contract maybe (en début de phrase) depression & the forgetful disease .They become more and more passive, they do not want to talk and make friends with others.
They need to be encouraged to join collective activities, play sports, make friends with others...



Réponse: Correction -Children & television de piquoc, postée le 04-03-2010 à 22:09:07 (S | E)
Bonjour; je cite votre première phrase . . . "Parents always want their children to grow in the best conditions."

Dans votre texte, vous parlez plutôt du développement des enfants, je crois, et pas du fait qu'ils grandissent - deviennent plus grands? Si j'ai raison, je vous signale qu'il faut ajouter quelque chose après "grow . . . ", ou même choisir un autre verbe pour indiquer qu'on parle de leur développement.





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