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Mobile phone/correction

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Mobile phone/correction
Message de polka16 posté le 24-03-2010 à 09:19:31 (S | E | F)

Bonjour, je voudrais vous montrer le devoir que je dois rendre concernant un débat sur l'utilisation des téléphones portables à l'école. Pourriez-vous me dire ce que vous en pensez et si vous voyez des fautes s'il vous plait?  Merci d'avance.
Bonne journée, polka 16
Mobile phones: Between support and danger
Mobiles phones are everywhere and more and more we find them in playgrounds whatever the age of the children. We can wonder about the legitimacy of these gears. Are they really adapted to this place of learning?
Above all, it can reassure parents to have the possibility of getting their children on the phone whenever they want. For instance, if there is an unexpected change of plans which means that the parents cannot pick the children up at school, parents can tell them. Mobile phone allows keeping a tie between parents and children. Sometimes, when parents are divorced, one of the parents can communicate with his child as he wants thanks to the mobile phone, during breaks or when classes are over. An American survey shows that mobile phone could be used to give a class in the red because they are cheaper than computers and a lot of purples are equipped with a mobile phone.


The major problem is most of the children are not reasonable. Instead of using their mobile phone only during outside classes’ hours, they use it to send text messages or to go surfing on the web which can lead to academic gap. They can use their mobile phone to cheat during exams or to film teachers in order to ridicule them on internet. That is why we can wonder about the real usefulness of their presence at school, because except for the private use, they are not useful for the purples inside the school. Moreover, children have a mobile phone always sooner, which get them used to being addict of them and to being always more demanding. Most of young people are not satisfied with the mobile phones which can only send text messages or be used in order to call somebody. Mobile phone have to offer the option mp3, it has to have a connection toward internet or video games always more efficient. All of this increases always more mobile invoices.


We  can say that despite their usefulness in a personnal level, mobile phones are not really adapted to the educational aspect of the school. In France, there is the probition of mobiles phone at school for children aged between 3 and 16, it is maybe the final solution to the debate.

-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 24-03-2010 10:07
mise en page / titre


Réponse: Mobile phone/correction de robertbrou, postée le 25-03-2010 à 18:19:58 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Pas mal dans l'ensemble. N'utilisez pas toujours la première traduction trouvée dans le dictionnaire. Il y a encore des nuances à traiter.

Mobile phones: Between support and danger (souvent on pose une question Mobile Phones - Are we supporting or endangering? Aux US - on dit plus souvent 'cell phones', mais 'mobile phones' est parfaitement correct)

Mobiles phones are everywhere and more and more (placement, car trop de 'and' en même proximité) we find them in at playgrounds whatever the age of the (un peut lourd, refaire en utilisant 'all ages') children. We can wonder about the legitimacy of these gears ( ? ). Are they really adapted to this (utiliser article indéfini) place of learning?
Above all, it can reassure parents to have the possibility of getting their children on the phone whenever they want. For instance, if there is an unexpected change of plans which means that the parents cannot pick the children up at school, parents can tell them. Mobile phones allows keeping a tie between parents and children. Sometimes, when parents are divorced, one of the parents can communicate with his child as he wants thanks to the mobile phone, during breaks or when classes are over (je vois pas le lien avec le reste de la phrase). An American survey shows that mobile phone could be used to give a class in the red ( ? ) because they are cheaper than computers and a lot of purples (purple=violet, vous voulez dire 'pupils'?) are equipped with a mobile phone.



The major problem is that most of the children are not reasonable. Instead of using their mobile phone only during outside classes’ hours, they use it to send text messages or to go surfing on the web which can lead to academic gap ( ? ). They can use their mobile phone to cheat during exams or to film teachers in order to ridicule them on internet. That is why we can wonder about the real usefulness of their presence at school, because except for the private use, they are not useful for the purples (idem) inside the school.

Moreover, children have a mobile phone always (manque verbe) sooner, which get them used to being addict of (voir 'addicted') them and to being always more demanding. Most of young people are not satisfied with the mobile phones which can only send text messages or be used in order to call somebody (n'est-ce pas la raison pour laquelle on possède un mobile? Revoir le placement de 'only' ou utiliser 'just'). Mobile phones have to offer the option play mp3s, it has to have a connection toward the Internet or video games always more efficient (refaire). All of this increases always more mobile invoices (utiliser une variation de price, expensive ou cost).



We can say that despite their usefulness in a personnal level, mobile phones are not really adapted to the educational aspect of the school. In France, there is the probition of mobiles phone (refaire en utilisant 'banned' ou 'not allowed') at school for children aged between 3 and 16. It is maybe the final solution to the debate.

Hope this helps!


Réponse: Mobile phone/correction de polka16, postée le 28-03-2010 à 11:45:09 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour l'aide !!!



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