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Essay/ my passion

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Essay/ my passion
Message de jumaju posté le 11-04-2010 à 11:34:21 (S | E | F)

Bonjour à tous!!!J'ai une rédaction de type bac à faire, pourriez-vous me dire s'il y a des erreurs? Merci beaucoup!
Voici le sujet: « Have you got a passion in life? »

In life, a lot of people try to find something which make them glad. It's a real quest for certain which isn't always put an end, but in the contrary case, people find a passion, it could be for example music, drawing, nature, cooking...I am going to present mine: the sport!

Since I am five years old I had loved sport, especially slide's sport like skiing, snowboarding, ice-skating and balls' sport like tennis, ping-pong, basketball and badminton. Sport make me very happy, I fell in form, it gives me some bravery in life. However it is also a friendly meeting where I can speak with other passioned.

When I was in secondary school, I already practice in the same time six sports let twenty-eight hours of sport every weeks. It makes me sad now because of studies which take my time. My favorite sport is ice-skating, last year I entered on the professional list of the young sportswoman of France, it was my best result! I had skated until this year because I hurt my knee in a fall, I had unfortunately to stop.

As a conclusion, I think people must have a passion in their life to bloom theirself. But to my mind, they mustn't overuse it, it could tire some times their body.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 11-04-2010 12:25


Réponse: Essay/ my passion de notrepere, postée le 12-04-2010 à 03:57:15 (S | E)
In life, a lot of people try to find something which make (anticipation of something in the future so put this in future tense) them glad.

It's a real quest for certain which isn't always put an end, but in the contrary case, people find a passion, it could be for example music, drawing, nature, cooking...I am going to present mine: the sport! (This sentence is too long and expresses too many ideas in a single sentence. Try to break the ideas up into shorter sentences)

Since I am (This verb tense indicates that you are five years old right now. You are talking about the past. What tense should it be?) five years old I had loved (Use the Present Perfect: Present Perfect shows that something started in the past and has continued up until now) sport, especially slide's sport like skiing, snowboarding, ice-skating and balls' sport like tennis, ping-pong, basketball and badminton. Sport make me very happy, I fell in form (I don't understand what this means), it gives me some bravery in life. However it is also a friendly meeting where I can speak with other passioned (Do you mean "passionate people"? or "people who are passionate about life"?.



Réponse: Essay/ my passion de jumaju, postée le 13-04-2010 à 10:23:02 (S | E)
Hello "notrepère"! Thank you very much for your help! I made an another correction...Pouvez-vous ou quelqu'un d'autre me dire s'il reste des fautes? merci encore!

In life, a lot of people try to find something which will make them glad. It's a real quest for certain which isn't always put an end. But in the contrary case, people find a passion. It could be for example music, drawing, nature, cooking...I am going to present mine: the sport!

Since I have been five years old I have loved sport, especially slide's sport like skiing, snowboarding, ice-skating and balls' sport like tennis, ping-pong, basketball and badminton. Sport make me very happy, I fell I am on form, it gives me some bravery in life. However it is also a friendly meeting where I can speak with other passionate.

When I was in secondary school, I already practice in the same time six sports let twenty-eight hours of sport every weeks. It makes me sad now because of studies which take my time. My favorite sport is ice-skating, last year I entered on the professional list of the young sportswoman of France, it was my best result! I had skated until this year because I hurt my knee in a fall, I had unfortunately to stop.

As a conclusion, I think people must have a passion in their life to bloom theirself. But to my mind, they mustn't overuse it, it could tire some times their body.


Réponse: Essay/ my passion de may, postée le 14-04-2010 à 03:24:35 (S | E)
Hello,

In life, a lot of people try to find something which will make them glad. It's a real quest for certain which isn't always put an end. But in the contrary case, people find a passion. It could be for example( I don't think it's necessary) music, drawing, nature, cooking...I am going to present mine: the sport!

Since I have been( not present perfect here, you're not five any more) five years old (punctuation)I have loved sport, especially slide's sport like skiing, snowboarding, ice-skating and balls' sport like tennis, ping-pong, basketball and badminton. Sport make (verb in singular) me very happy, I fell I am on form( are you trying to say something as -in shape-), it gives me some bravery in life. However(need punctuation) it is also a friendly meeting where I can speak with other passionate ( missing object.

When I was in secondary school, I already practice (verb tense) in (another prepositon) the same time six sports let(what is the meaning of let) twenty-eight hours of sport( rephrase if you can) every weeks.

I am sleepy now, To be continued...

Good night



Réponse: Essay/ my passion de jumaju, postée le 14-04-2010 à 22:09:15 (S | E)
Bonjour merci beaucoup "may" pour votre aide! Pouvez-vous me dire s'il reste encore des fautes? merci encore

In life, a lot of people try to find something which will make them glad. It's a real quest for certain which isn't always put an end. But in the contrary case, people find a passion. It could be music, drawing, nature, cooking...I am going to present mine: the sport!

Since I am five years old, I have loved sport, especially slide's sport like skiing, snowboarding, ice-skating and balls' sport like tennis, ping-pong, basketball and badminton. Sport make me very happy, I fell I am in shape, it gives me some bravery in life. However, it is also a friendly meeting where I can speak with other passionate people.

When I was in secondary school, I already practiced at the same time six sports, it was twenty-eight hours of sport every weeks. It makes me sad now because of studies which take my time. My favorite sport is ice-skating, last year I entered on the professional list of the young sportswoman of France, it was my best result! I had skated until this year because I hurt my knee in a fall, I had unfortunately to stop.

As a conclusion, I think people must have a passion in their life to bloom theirself. But to my mind, they mustn't overuse it, it could tire some times their body.



Réponse: Essay/ my passion de may, postée le 15-04-2010 à 02:54:33 (S | E)

Bonsoir jumaju,


In life, a lot of people try to find something which will make them glad. It's a real quest for certain which isn't always put an end. But in the contrary case, people find a passion. It could be music, drawing, nature, cooking...I am going to present mine: the sport!

Since I am (past tense ) five years old, I have loved sport, especially slide's sport like skiing, snowboarding, ice-skating and balls' sport like tennis, ping-pong, basketball and badminton. Sport make(see the subject in singular) me very happy, I fell I am in shape, it gives me some bravery in life. However, it is also a friendly meeting where I can speak( are you trying to say something as contact with) with other passionate people.

When I was in secondary school, I already practiced at the same time six sports, it was twenty-eight hours of sport every weeks( you can revise the sentence by using which or that to avoid the repeat of the word sport ). It makes me sad now because of(not necessary studies which(can omit) take my time. My favorite sport is ice-skating,(end of sentence here by another punctuation) last year I entered (is it better to put verb to be here) on the professional list of the young sportswoman of France, it was my best result! I had skated until this year because I hurt my knee in a fall( can you put this sentence in passive form), I had unfortunately to stop.

As a conclusion, I think people must have a passion in their life to bloom theirself ( is it supposed to be themselves). But to my mind, they mustn't overuse it, it could tire some times their body.

Hope it might help

Bonne nuit,


Réponse: Essay/ my passion de jumaju, postée le 15-04-2010 à 20:46:38 (S | E)
Bonjour May, merci beaucoup pour votre aide, j'espère ne plus avoir de fautes^^voici la correction

In life, a lot of people try to find something which will make them glad. It's a real quest for certain which isn't always put an end. But in the contrary case, people find a passion. It could be music, drawing, nature, cooking...I am going to present mine: the sport!

Since I was five years old, I have loved sport, especially slide's sport like skiing, snowboarding, ice-skating and balls' sport like tennis, ping-pong, basketball and badminton. Sport makes me very happy, I fell I am in shape, it gives me some bravery in life. However, it is also a friendly meeting where I can contact with other passionate people.

When I was in secondary school, I already practiced at the same time six sports,that was twenty-eight hours every weeks.It makes me sad now because not necessary studies can omit take my time. My favorite sport is ice-skating. Last year I was on the professional list of the young sportswoman of France, it was my best result! I had skated until this year because my knee was in a fall hurt, I had unfortunately to stop.

As a conclusion, I think people must have a passion in their life to bloom themselves. But to my mind, they mustn't overuse it, it could tire some times their body.



Réponse: Essay/ my passion de may, postée le 16-04-2010 à 02:46:33 (S | E)
Hello jumaju,

Oui, vous avez déjà fait un très bon effort. Cependant, il y a juste une petite erreur que je corigerrais:

When I was in secondary school, I already practiced at the same time six sports,that was twenty-eight hours every weeks.(It makes me sad now because not necessary studies can omit take my time.) My favorite sport is ice-skating. Last year I was on the professional list of the young sportswoman of France, it was my best result! I had skated until this year because (my knee was in a fall hurt), I had unfortunately to stop.

It makes me sad now because studies take a lot of my time.

my knee was hurt( in an accident )

Bonne nuit,



-------------------
Modifié par may le 16-04-2010 03:13


Réponse: Essay/ my passion de jumaju, postée le 16-04-2010 à 10:34:03 (S | E)
Thank you very much for all your help "may"!!!



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